Hi, I’m not 100% on whether what I did was ok so I thought I’d ask here. Yesterday my sister and her husband were away at a funeral for his friend’s dad. My sister had left my 7 year old nephew with me at my apartment. She’s done that before too and I manage to make it fun for him.
I had totally forgotten that one of my friends was flying out last night and I had his powerbank. I could’ve probably taken the heat of not returning it on time but I asked my sister if I can have my friend come over and mind my nephew rather than taking him with me to the airport. My sister has met her and was cool with it. So I asked my friend and she agreed, she lives close by and was at my place in under 15 minutes.
Later, when I told my girlfriend about it, she was upset at why I didn’t just ask her. I said my friend lives closer but she said she would’ve been there in under 20 minutes per Google maps. She asked if I had asked my sister about her as an option, I honestly said I hadn’t and she believes my sister would have been ok which is true, they’ve met and my sister likes her. Its just my friend has a younger brother whom she took care of like this when she was young too, per her brother himself. My girlfriend is the youngest sibling in her family, I don’t know if she’s ever taken care of someone like this. I tried to explain that to her but that didn’t help, she felt I was calling her incapable which wasn’t true. Today she brought up again how hurt she was about that, but we kind of are ok now. But I wanted to ask AITA?
NTA. Your girlfriend is being a ridiculous, but she’s being ridiculous in a way that makes me think there’s another issue at play here. Has she struggled to fit in with your family? Does she have a complex about people thinking she’s incapable? IDK.
You probably shouldn’t have brought up the fact that she’s a youngest sibling, as it’s not relevant to her caretaking abilities and was sure to not help your case.
NTA, you just asked the first person who was convenient, this is a non-issue. You’re not helping yourself here by citing the fact that she’s never taken care of anyone in your explanation — I’m sure your gf would have been perfectly capable of watching your nephew, you just didn’t happen to ask her and that’s fine.
I wanted to say NTA but I’m going with YTA because it does sound like you lowkey think she’s incapable for a somewhat random reason. Just because she’s the youngest and hasn’t taken care of a kid before doesn’t mean she would majorly mess it up
NTA for asking your friend, but a gentle YTA for how you’re responding. This feels like a pretty normal conversation in a relationship. She wants to be “your person” ie the person you turn to when you need help, especially with family matters. It makes sense that she felt insecure or hurt when you asked a female friend instead of her, so she expressed those feelings to you.
Rather than listing all the reasons you didn’t think to ask her or didn’t realize you could rely on her, acknowledge how she feels. Let her know that now that you understand, you’ll make an effort to turn to her and make her your “person” moving forward.
NTA for asking your friend.
But y t a for changing your reason from being a time crunch/distance factor to your gf being the youngest sibling. Just because gf is the youngest of her siblings doesn’t mean she is incapable of watching kids. Even the youngest siblings and only children can babysit and be good with kids. Just as the older siblings can be bad at childcare.
At 7, my daughter’s babysitter was a 15 year old who had to hitch rides with her parents for the job. Yeah, that part makes him TA
I started babysitting at 13.
I also would trust my younger brother watching my kids over my older brother due to my younger being more responsible.
I’m inclined to think it was an innocent decision, so NAH.
From now on, OP, you have to understand that part of being in a relationship is considering her feelings. She wants to be the first person you turn to when you’re in trouble; that’s the role we all want to play in our partner’s life. When that doesn’t happen, we feel left out and unchosen. This wasn’t a life-or-death emergency; there was time to maneuver. How would you feel if you found out she had to put up a shelf or sand and paint a wall, and she called her friend Steve for help? Don’t tell me you wouldn’t feel jealous or annoyed that she didn’t call you because, honestly, I wouldn’t believe you.
YTA. I wanted to say no assholes here, but this was clearly you didn’t think she was competent. Her being the youngest has nothing to do with this. So what your friend took care of her another child before? You don’t even know if the friend actually did that well. Did you know all parents aren’t good parents? Getting knocked up or simply taking care of a kid doesn’t immediately mean you’re good or qualified to do so.
If you don’t trust her yet that’s fine. But then you also need to understand why she’s upset. Especially if she is thinking of your relationship long term and a future together, these are things you should be able to call on a partner for. And you didn’t trust her to do that. Admit that. But understand that of course she may be upset by that
Why couldn’t your nephew go with you?
I came here to say the same. Kids usually love pkanes and stuff.