My mom has never taken me seriously when it comes to my things. As a child it was small stuff like moving around my furniture without asking or using my things without permission. Now, it’s become a bigger issue.
I’m very particular about my things, where I want them to be, and most importantly, cleanliness. I cannot stand dirt (we used to live in a home with mice, ants, pests, I’d often wake up to bugs on me and it drove me insane, my mom never cared, I had to clean the home everyday even as a child). My mom will come into my home and touch random objects and she brings my bratty preschooler sister with her. They touch things from family heirlooms to my childhood toys and leave behind butter, grease and never reorganise what they touched. The last time I spent an hour washing one of my candle holders while crying (yes I probably have some form of OCD). I keep telling the to stop, I’ve told my mom I don’t want her in my home anymore but she keeps showing up unannounced.
She also ‘borrows’ things. She takes stuff without asking. She tried to take my inherited 3000 dollar bracelet to a gold shop to ‘check it’s worth’ but I refused. At some point during this she took an heirloom ring from me without my permission and sold it. I’m glad I didn’t give the bracelet to her cause she would’ve definitely sold it too.
I told her I’d report her to the police but she laughed at me. I told her I don’t think I wanna see her anymore and she got upset, but I’m seriously considering reporting her for theft, however she paid what she got from the shop for the ring so I don’t know if I even have a case or not.
Feel free to ask for clarification on any of this.
NTA- your home should be a safe space for you and your belongings. It’s not your mom’s thrift store. Don’t allow her into your house anymore and change the locks if she has a key. You can meet them at their house or somewhere public. If you want to continue that relationship, that is.
NTA. You are not just dealing with ‘annoying’ family members; you are dealing with a thief and a boundary-destroyer.
Selling your heirloom ring without permission is theft, regardless of whether she paid you back the money she got for it. She stole the sentimental value and the object itself. The fact that she laughs when you threaten to call the police shows she has zero respect for you or your autonomy.
Your reaction to the cleanliness (crying over a candle holder) is a very valid response to the trauma of growing up in a pest-infested home that you had to clean as a child. You were parentified then, and she is still exploiting you now.
Change your locks immediately. Do not give her a key. If she shows up unannounced, do not open the door. You are protecting your peace, your mental health, and your belongings. You are absolutely right to want her out of your life.
NTA. Does she have keys? If so change the locks. She’s a thief and will steal again. Be firm, don’t let her in again.
> I don’t want her in my home anymore but she keeps showing up unannounced.
You ain’t gotta open that door!!!
NTA. I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again: its hard to prove theft by someone you willingly give access too.
>she keeps showing up unannounced.
Either don’t open the door, or don’t let her in. “Sorry, I’m not available right now. If you had called or asked, I would have told you that to save you the time of coming here. I need to ask you to leave.”
>she took an heirloom ring from me without my permission and sold it.
That’s theft. If you have proof she took it, file a police report. It doesn’t matter if she gave you the money or not, you didn’t consent to it being sold.
NTA.
Get a security camera outside your door so you know when she comes by. Stop letting her in, stop answering the phone for her, perhaps block her for a while if needed, and if she doesn’t stop, file police reports for harassment. Protect yourself. Adding in – if she has a key, change the locks and add in a deadbolt on the inside with a chain. If she comes by without asking, don’t unchain the door and talk to her through the crack. DON’T let her inside.
NTA. Don’t let her in the house anymore. It doesn’t matter if she’s standing at the door. Keep your door locked and close the curtains; she’ll get the point eventually. Change your locks if she has the keys.
From now on, only meet at her house or restaurants and other places.
NTA. She isn’t allowed to steal from you just because she’s your mother.
Stop letting her in. When she shows up unannounced, tell her it’s not a good time, and she needs to call before coming over. Do this every time. She’ll get the message, but you have to be consistent.
Stop letting them in the house! If she knocks, tell her no. If you want to avoid confrontation, grab your coat and tell her you are leaving while she is still on the front porch. Or just don’t answer the door. If she has a key, get your locks changed. Stop giving her access to things that make you uncomfortable.
INFO: Why does she have a key?
Report her for theft. Change the locks on your doors. Get cameras set up inside and out. Report her every time.
You may have CPTSD from the way you were raised. Sounds like mine. I cannot abide bugs. The places I had to live as a kid. The places I had to live as a single mom who slept with her daughter just to keep the cockroaches brushed off of her. Lo income housing.
Grateful to live a much different life.
It was very very triggering to have picked up bedbugs FROM A HOSPITAL of all places.
They knew. They reimbursed me the cost of removing them from my home and wrote off the balance of the hospital bill. Thank God for that anyway.
Keep your door locked and don’t answer it no matter how loud she gets. If she doesn’t stop after 5 minutes. Call the police on her for stalking and harassment.
NTA
Change. Your. Locks.
NTA.
I would absolutely report the theft. This is someone who has no sense of boundaries and does not respect you. NTA
NTA
And stop opening the door.
You tell her don’t come over.
She comes over, you let her in
You tell her you don’t touch my stuff
She touches your stuff you don’t throw her out
You tell her you’ll call the cops on her
She laughs, you don’t call the police.
See a pattern here? You are an adult, it is time to act like it and enforce your boundaries.
Or, you could keep doing what you’re doing and continue to watch things stay the same.