My sister invited me to her child’s baptism about a month in advance. The date was already chosen when she told me, and she also asked me to be the godfather.
The problem is that I already have a major curling competition that same weekend. I’ve been looking forward to this event all year, paid about $200 to participate, and I’m part of a team (of four) that would be short a player and let down if I didn’t show up. We tried to get into this competition last year and missed out (filled up in minutes) and this year we’ve been really excited, bought outfits, planned around it, and have been talking about it all season.
I told my sister I couldn’t make the baptism on that date and asked if there was any flexibility. She said no and has been very upset since, saying she would “drop everything” for me and that this shows where my priorities areare.
For additional context:
-I’m not religious, and neither is my sister.
-The baptism is for her husband’s family and to get the kid into a Catholic school near their house
-I’m gay, and the Catholic church doesn’t exactly align with my values or life.
-I’m still happy to be the godfather and be involved in the child’s life, I just don’t feel right cancelling a long-standing commitment and letting my team down for a symbolic ceremony
I understand why she’s disappointed, but I also feel like I wasn’t really given a chance to say whether the date worked for me, and now I’m being guilt-tripped for not moving heaven and earth.
AITA for keeping my commitment and not cancelling the competition?
NTA. Baby gets dipped in water, they cry and then everyone eats mediocre food.
You also need to be a confirmed member of the Catholic Church to be a godparent
The x-factor is that you are a member of a team, not competing individually. Curling is not such a popular sport it’s easy to find someone to fill in the role, and it sounds like you are at a decent competitive level?
If she didn’t know about the competition when she set the date, NAH. You’re going to be letting someone down no matter what you do, and that sucks.
She would drop everything for you, but changing the date is asking too much? Seriously.
Also, do not become the godfather of a Catholic child if you are not a moderately observant Catholic yourself. It’s weird that she even asked you.
NTA
Yeah, any priests who is doing his job wouldn’t allow it. Gotta be confirmed Catholic to stand up as a godparent in a catholic church, since you’re promising to guide the child in their Catholic spiritual journey.
Unless OP was confirmed in childhood?
NTA. As an apparent required presence, you should have been a part of the decision on the date.
NTA. That frivolous baptism date is important to only her. You’re pre-existing commitment is important to you and several other people.
So she wants you to be the godfather but you weren’t included in the arrangements? Weird, it’s like being proposed but not considered for the wedding date arrangements (saving obvious proportions)
NTA
NTA. Your sister will need to learn real fast that the world doesn’t revolve around her child.
If she would drop everything for you then why can’t she change the date? NTA She’s lucky that you as a non-religious gay man is even willing to step inside a church!
You’re meant to be *asked* to be the godfather, not ordered to be one…
She didn’t ask you, she told you to show up.
You can say no with clear conscience.
NTA, the baptism is conflicting with OP’s already set plans and cancelling the plans would affect other people. The parents should have consulted OP about the date before scheduling to see if he was free.
Good luck in the tournament.
NTA and there are such things as proxies. My godfather couldn’t attend my baptism so my aunt stood in for him. When my middle child was baptized we had a proxy for his godmother.
NTA. You had a longstanding prior commitment that also means you would be letting down other people if you cancelled. That’s all that matters.
NTA.
When scheduling important family events you have to make sure the key participants are available before booking the date. You can’t schedule a baptism without checking with the godparents first.