I’m going to try to make this short. I (22F) have a friend (24F) who has a kid age 2 and as much as I love watching and parenting for her, it always gets to a point.
Every time we hang out she kinda checks out, goes on her phone or just wanders off. This isn’t a one time occurrence, it happens too often. Whether we’re at the mall or just having a walk, she leaves full responsibility of watching over and parenting her to me. Sometimes she dumps her at my place because I live just down the road from her. I always complained to her to I never had much of a problem until I found out she does the same with her sister at home that’s when I realized I’ve been enabling her too.
I spoke to her later that day about how she’s being very lazy in taking care of her kid and she got mad at me saying I don’t know about taking care of a kid so I’m not allowed to judge her. I was shocked and told her I can’t watch over her kid anymore until she decides to be responsible. She has been calling to come over or hangout since then and I have been saying No but I feel like an asshole whenever I do that.
NTA-You need to set boundaries for people like that.
NTA. She’s the parent; she’s responsible.
Until (or unless) she respects that you’re not free involuntary child care, you’re smart to maintain your distance. She’s not being your friend; she’s using you.
Still, you shouldn’t have called her lazy. You should have just made it about the limits of what you’re willing to do for her.
NTA
It’s not your job to parent her child. Next time she decides to do this, call the police for abandonment.
NTA. Some people need to be told directly what they’re doing in irritating. Lots of people don’t perceive their pets or children as not an issue for others, so you have to explicitly set boundaries.
NTA. Your friend shouldn’t be relying on everyone else to watch her kid. It kinda feels like she’s using you as a free babysitter instead of a friend, and you don’t want a friendship where you’re being taken advantage of. It makes sense if this only happened once or twice, bc it’s okay to ask friends for help, but it’s a pattern atp. I’m sure it’s insanely hard to take care of a 2 y/o, and I completely understand her wanting a break, but that’s not your load to bear. Its her kid.
a very gentle ESH
Your friend is an AH. No question there. And setting boundaries is necessary.
> about how she’s being very lazy
This is where you are an AH. You judged her directly. You called her lazy.
It is one thing to focus on behavior you don’t like and set boundaries about it, but as soon as you resort to using judgmental language and attacking the person’s character, you lose.
It doesn’t just make you an AH. It’s also bad strategy. When someone feels attacked, they won’t listen. They won’t learn a thing.
>she got mad at me saying I don’t know about taking care of a kid so I’m not allowed to judge her
And yet, and yet, she’s expecting you to step up and care for her child. I think her reasoning indicates that she can’t think you are capable of caring the child and therefore she should never leave the child with you again. Because clearly you don’t know about how to care for a child.
NTA. She needs to realise that having a child isn’t some kind of virtual reality show. It’s actual reality and she needs to deal with it. Sure she’s tired. All parents go through this.
NTA
“I couldn’t possibly watch your child for you, you told me I didn’t know anything about taking care of a kid. Who am I to second guess a parent’s judgement?”
NTA she said you don’t know about taking care of a kid so you can’t speak on it yet she expects you to take care of her kid…
I think you may have stepped over the line by calling her lazy. It may be accurate but not necessary. Stick to the facts about you not appreciating that she automatically expects you to play babysitter any time you guys hang out or at the drop of a hat. Yes if you notice something say something but I’d stop taking on the responsibility and let her deal with the consequences or stop hanging out.
NTA. I would have put a stop to it when she was at your house. “Lucy, your daughter is crying.” “Lucy, you need to change daughter’s diaper.” Lucy, your daughter is playing with knives.” I wouldn’t continue to parent once I saw I was being used this way.
But here you are. If she needs a break, as all parents do, it’s understandable but she needs to ask for this as a favor and plan it, not thrust it upon you when she’s supposed to be visiting you and hanging out.
if you “don’t know about taking care of a kid” then why the hell is she leaving you to take care of her kid? NTA.
NTA. You’re not the mom. I feel for that child though.
“If they come from your crotch, they’re yours to watch.”
But for real, she needs to get her act together.
NTA
NTA. I don’t need to be a Michelin starred chef to know if my food tastes like shit. Her argument is garbage, just like her parenting.