My name is Sarah and i love reading books so much that i do collect books to read, especially special editions. One of my favorites is a signed hardcover which I waited in line hours to get. A friend came over and asked to borrow something to read. I hesitated but eventually lent her that book, telling her to please be careful because it meant a lot to me and also looking forward in reading it once the book is been returned . When she brought it back, the dust jacket was torn, the spine was creased, and there were coffee stains on several pages. She laughed it off and said, Books are meant to be used. I asked her to replace it or at least pay for part of it. She got defensive and said it wasn’t fair because she didn’t know it was that valuable and that accidents happen. She also said I was being materialistic and that friendship should matter more than a book. Some mutual friends say I shouldn’t have lent it out if I couldn’t handle damage. Others say she should take responsibility. AITA for asking her to replace the book?
Nta, and are they really ur friend? Me personally if I borrowed something from my friend I try to give it back in the same condition or better
ESH. The book was damaged so its fair to ask for a replacement, but not at the cost of a signed special edition. If a book like that is important to you, it simply shouldn’t be loaned out for someone to read because the odds are high it will come back with things like a creased spine and dust jacket.
What a horrible “friend”! Calling you materialistic when she wrecked a piece of your property you kindly let her use.
Throw that “friend” away.
NTA. Your so called friend can track down the author and get another signed copy for you. Just replacing with an unsigned copy is not good enough.
You are fair in asking her to replace it. I think you should pursue it. More importantly, you need a no loaning books policy. I worked with someone who loaned out a book that was read in a bathtub. The pages were horribly warped when it was returned. She would afterward lead with that story when she explained her no loaning policy to friends.
NTA…but both sets of friends are right. You shouldn’t have lent it out if you couldn’t handle it being damaged AND she should take responsibility for replacing it.
Yes, accidents happen but coffee stains on multiple pages is more than an accident. It’s pure carelessness. You asked her to be careful with your stuff, she wasn’t, and doesn’t seem to be too apologetic about it. I’d think twice about lending her anything more important to you than a paperclip in the future.
thank you, i might stop giving her my things
You should definitely stop loaning her anything. Also a real friend would feel terrible about damaging something they borrowed and be happy to make it right.
Also I would never have borrowed a book that was signed just because of the chance of damage. I have a 4 year old and cats. Shit happens and this is what libraries are for
Asking for care is reasonable. A creased spine gapes by way of using/ reading a book. That feels bit too much of an expectation.
NTA, I am also a collector (crystals, not books) and have a few pretty rare pieces, if someone broke one or damaged it in any way, i would have done the same by asking them to help replace it. Though there is some assumption of risk when lending something out, you’re still within ur rights (and ur nta) for asking your friend to replace it or at least help pay for it. I mean heck, its not like your asking her to track down the author and have them resign it, your just asking her to pay for what she broke.
i would say NTA — i also collect certain series with special editions so i understand where you are coming from. while i do think when you lend out a book to someone else you risk the possibility of damage yes, but this damage sounds like a little bit more than general wear and tear
it sounds like you informed her about how much the book meant to you before you gave it to her so as a friend she should have been conscious of that when she was reading. in the end yes your friendship should come before the book but her actions and how she cared for something you collected would frustrate a lot of people. in this situation i view it more as a respect thing not just monetary compensation
So this is a version of a post from last week or so, except that instead of coffee stains, the pages were torn.
Identical enough that you’re both mentioning specifically the spine was creased.
Is this karma farming?
NTA
I would take this as your sign not to lend out special signed books or anything valuable to your friends. As advice, you should look at how people treat their own things. Some people are very casual towards belongings. Some treat their things badly. That would be a good indicator of if someone is going to be respectful of your things.
I would ask again and if she doesn’t give you a second copy in good condition, stop being her friend. It does matter.
This is a lesson.
Don’t ever loan out anything you can’t afford to lose. Same goes for money.