I (15f) have been trying to apply to be a CIT at a camp nearby for a few years now and im finally old enough. I babysit alot and wanna work with kids when im older. I need three references and I just so happen to often baby my uncles girlfriends kids. She has two kids from her previous relationship and one kid with my uncle. Who shes been dating for only a year. Barely. Anyways. I was over at their house. Just a street away. And I asked if I could use her as one of my references. She said "Aren’t you not supposed to use family members on that?" To which I replied "Well. Youre not my real aunt. So its fine" she got a little upset and just said. "Yeah sure put me down." I dont hate her of course. Shes just. Not family in my eyes. Later when I was home I guess my uncle had told my dad and apparently she was really upset. My uncle had told my dad ‘Your kid was being so rude to [aunt] she needs to learn that [aunt] is now her family now. Not those [slur]" My family dropped contact with the rest of my dad and uncles side of the family last year for some context. But was I really mean by saying that to her?
It’s ironic to me that you think you’re old enough to be a CIT, but somehow aren’t old enough to see how what you said was both insensitive and hurtful. Yes, YTA.
Honesty without tact is cruelty.
NTA. I personally would never consider my uncle’s girlfriend “family.” Either way, it’s obvious that you had no malicious intentions.
I never once called my aunt’s boyfriend “uncle” especially when they were only a year in. Hell, their married now and I still don’t call him uncle.
She is not your aunt. She is not married to your uncle. NTA
NTA. Geez, in an unexpected moment, a 15 y.o. voiced her feelings. Not family, not yet, at least. The GF is new. Great lesson for growth.
NTA. She has a Girlfriend designation she is not married to your uncle. That in no way shape or form makes her family. If she has hurt feelings that’s not on you. She is projecting onto a 15 year old. Nothing you said was disrespectful. You’re a kid. And honestly told the truth. She isn’t family. Im a 45 female. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 5 years. I would never expect my nieces and nephews to call him uncle and or his to call me Aunt.
IDK about asshole, but that was a really stupid thing to say when you’re asking somebody for a favor. And like, you *do* know her in a familial context, even if you don’t consider her family. She didn’t hire you from a pool of applicants and ask for references and make you do a background check to watch her kids, right? So, yeah, in terms of job references…she’s family. Sorry.
The stuff about your uncle’s history with addiction and your family’s history of no contact with him isn’t relavent.
NTA, yes she is dating your uncle, but they have been together only a year. She isn’t your aunt. Idk why people are saying YTA.
NAH. I don’t think it’s unreasonable that you wouldn’t call a woman who’s only been dating your uncle for a year your aunt. I don’t think she’s wrong for feeling a type of way about it either as she’s obviously trying to integrate with the family, and the way you said it could have came across a little harsh.
Some people use aunt/auntie more casually, but if you don’t want to call her that you don’t have to. My uncle has had the same girlfriend since 2020 and I wouldn’t call her my aunt, although I haven’t spent a lot of time with her.
NTA. I felt that way before reading that you were 12 when he showed up after being a drug addict.
Here’s the thing. You said they’re dating and that she’s his girlfriend. I wonder if others are missing this point. She’s not your aunt at all. Not even your aunt by marriage, which is what she will technically be if they end up marrying.
Don’t let your uncle bully you. He has a lot of nerve considering his past.
About this girlfriend of his, the only different thing you could have said is that she isn’t yet married to him so that means she’s able to be a reference.
I will say this and I hope you will think hard about this. If she gives you a bad reference and costs you the job, you shouldn’t work for them anymore, no matter what your family says. They don’t get to use you and treat you badly. You babysit, they should treat you well. They want your time and effort? That means your uncle shouldn’t be talking shite about you. He says anything about this to you? Tell him flat out that if he’s going to bully you, he can find another babysitter. Tell him they aren’t married. You didn’t make that up, he hasn’t married her. That means she’s able to be a reference and you answered the question she asked. Being upset with you about the truth that she’s not her aunt is ridiculous. Put it straight into him. And mean it, OP. Don’t let anyone intimidate you, especially him.
You were unintentionally rude. “REAL” is the word that hurt her.
If you said “I think its fine since you’re not my legal Aunt” that implies the basic technicality that you needed in this situation.
You don’t have to consider her your Aunt, but if she is kind enough to you that you’d trust her as a reference, I don’t think it was necessary to split those hairs.
NTA. They aren’t married, and they aren’t in a long-term relationship yet.
But when people say stupid shit like this, just say, “Yeah, but you’re a legit reference because I babysit your kids.”
The trick is to recognize why people say things like this. She was implying you’re family because that’s how she thinks of you. If she’s a bad person, then you can certainly be clear about how you view the relationship, but your response tells her EXACTLY how you think of her (which was NOT as family).
All these morons calling you the ah are dead ass wrong. There’s no ring on this woman’s finger and she’s been with your uncle for a year. That’s a glass of water in a relationship timeline. OP you are the farthest thing into NTA I can give you. And that’s as someone who has been the new body in a family and told I wasn’t part of it because I wasn’t married to her yet. Didn’t break my damn heart at all
For the sake of getting a good reference from her, reach out and tell her that you weren’t commenting on the emotional nature of your relationship, but the legal one from the camp’s perspective. Tell her that for the camp, she would be a good reference and that’s all you meant. Reassure her that you are happy that she makes your uncle happy and Bob’s your uncle