I’m 27F and I live with my roommate Jen who I’ve known since college We’re generally cool but lately she’s been pushing boundaries with my stuff, A bit of background I love cooking and baking as a hobby and over the years I’ve invested in some nice equipment like a high-end stand mixer good knives and specialty pans that I saved up for It’s not cheap stuff and I take care of it because it’s important to me Jen knows this I’ve mentioned it a few times when we’ve chatted about meals, About two months ago I started noticing my things were being used and not put back properly My mixer would have batter residue or my knives would be dull from being thrown in the dishwasher which I specifically said not to do At first I thought maybe I was forgetting but then I caught her using my cast iron skillet to make stir-fry for her and her friends one night when I got home early She laughed it off like oh hope you don’t mind it’s just cooking I politely asked her to ask first next time and she said sure no problem, But it kept happening I’d come home to my baking sheets warped from high heat or my expensive silicone molds sticky and not cleaned right I confronted her again more firmly and said if she wants to use my gear she needs to ask and treat it like her own She got defensive saying I’m being territorial over kitchen stuff and that roommates share things I pointed out that her cheap pots are fine for her and these are my personal items I bought with my money She rolled her eyes and said fine but then it happened again last week she used my stand mixer for a party dip and left it out overnight with stuff crusted on, This time I lost it a bit I told her if she touches my stuff again without permission I’ll start locking it up in my room She called me petty and said I’m ruining the vibe of our apartment by not being generous Now she’s been cold-shouldering me and a mutual friend said I overreacted because it’s just kitchen tools and I should share to keep the peace, But I feel like I’m just protecting what’s mine after asking nicely multiple times.
Please please edit your post to include periods. It would be much easier to read.
And spaces between paragraphs. I got a headache reading it.
NTA. She’s not “using” your stuff; she’s abusing it. And also, she’s not giving you the courtesy of asking before doing so. If anyone is “*ruining the vibe of \[y\]our apartment*,” it’s she.
💯 Couldn’t agree more! 👏
Put your items away. And use hers. Leave it dirty. And on the counter. And when she complains just tell her she isn’t being generous and is ruining the vibe of the apartment. She will figure it out soon enough
Show her the prices of your kitchen items. Tell her that if she damages another one, she is going to have to replace it or you are going to replace her. Frankly, you should have started looking for another apartment or roommate the first time she used your stuff, not reminding her over and over which she ignored. Her callous attitude is not roommates sharing things. It is disrespecting expensive property that she should pay for. Want to bet your cast iron skillet has been thrown in the dishwasher too?
Yea, exactly. I’d also be upset if I had to re-clean every thing my roommate “borrows” because she doesn’t care for my things. It’s an AH move. OP, your NTA. Tell your roommate she can buy her own stuff to use and abuse.
Learn. To. Use. Punctuation!
There’s not a single period in this entire thing – it’s one giant run-on sentence
also paragraphs. OP needs to break up that wall of text.
Clearly op is NTA because this ordeal cannot be blamed on hormones because there’s no period in sight.
Don’t give her more chances. Just lock them in your room now. She can pick up a hand mixer at Walmart for under $20.
NTA, I’ve lived with a Jen before and after they ruined the second set of gear I bought I just started keeping everything in my room without as much as a warning. It’s your stuff, other people should respect your rules.
Also, and I say this with all the love in my heart, please, for the love of god, learn how to use a period. It’s this dot you type to end a sentence. Paragraph breaks would also greatly improve the legibility of your writing.
Don’t threaten to lock up your kitchen gear; just do it already. Also bill her for the damage to your baking sheets. NTA
As a home chef and baker myself, she needs to understand that these items are not cheap and need to be properly cared for to ensure they last. Personally, you are a lot more lenient than I am, as I would have locked all of my things in my room after the second time. Let her know that her actions have caused tension in the apartment because she does not have respect for her roommates belongings. If she wants to play party host to friends so much, she can buy the equipment herself.