I’m the oldest of three. I’m just looking for an outside perspective. Right now, my mom and younger sister (17) live with me. Our brother moved out in November, he’s the middle kid. I bought tickets for a wrestling PPV on Feb 28 and planned to go with my sister.
The baby shower was originally set for the first weekend of March, which worked for everyone. But it was recently moved to the same day as the event, even though they knew we already had plans. Our brother took a plea deal and is about to serve 20 days in jail. He has to turn himself in that Monday, so they didn’t want to hold it after. And I wasn’t told why it would be so bad to move it even sooner.
When we first met she thought I was a random girl hugging him. Even after he explained I’m his sister she didn’t talk to me the rest of the day because she was embarrassed. I’ve still tried to be supportive because duh, she’s gonna have my niece. I helped plan the original shower with my mom, bought gifts, and drove her to appointments a couple times when no one else could because driving while pregnant makes her nervous. I wasn’t really bothered by how awkward things were but I wanted to be nice. Now the shower will be at my house. Mind you, no one asked me about this. But I didn’t want to fight about it so I let it go, which I regret atp. The plan is just immediate family, with some games and cake.
Even if I could resell the tickets, I don’t want to. This was planned well in advance, and my sister is really excited. She’s even said she’s willing to give up the event to keep the peace. But I don’t want her to keep seeing me give in to keep others happy especially when it affects her too.
Under other circumstances I’d probably be more flexible. But my life keeps getting rearranged because of my brother’s bad decisions. I paid half his lawyer fees and $7,000 toward his bail. He’s lucky to be getting only 20 days. Only other thing is that I said I won’t help with another car, and that didn’t go over well but I’ve stuck to it.
I love him but I’m literally so tired. It feels like the shower got rescheduled with the assumption we’d just adjust again. I’m over being the Oldest Daughter who always absorbs the fallout. Being expected to just go along with it feels really disrespectful and I don’t want my sister to lose something she’s looked forward to because of another one of his choices.
I said we’re still going to the event, and I won’t resell. Now I’m being told I’m selfish and choosing something silly over family. Honestly, it pissed me off but I didn’t start a fight outright. I just said we’re still going.
I think they’re anxious about her going into labor while my brother is gone, and some of that stress is being aimed at me. I’ve started to second guess because I do have time to sell, but AITA for sticking with my original plans instead of attending the rescheduled baby shower? My mom said maybe this isn’t the hill to die on but when do I stop rolling over?
I think you should go to the match it’s not your fault it was rescheduled you are not responsible for anyone’s choices but your own have a great time
Agree completely!!
NTA. Why couldn’t your brother just start his sentence straight away so he would be out by the time of the birth? What a strange kind of legal system that lets people just hand themselves into gaol at their leisure. In any event they rescheduled on a day you can’t make it. This is on them.
He had two cases at the same time and because they didn’t arrest him in court on the first, the DA let him choose? I don’t know, exactly. His lawyer explained and I’ve just been so !!! that it’s in one ear and out the other. Either way, that’s apparently what’s happening now and it became this… thing.
I’m a lawyer in (presumably) a different country so I thought it was interesting. But it’s worse that he got to choose and selected such an inconvenient time for his own girlfriend.
NTA. They knew well in advance and still decided to reschedule it on that day. By my perspective, they planned this on purpose because they are mad that they have to reschedule and decided to take it out on others.
Like, it aint your fault your brother got himself in trouble and going to jail for barely a month. What exactly did he do to get himself getting sent to jail?
Thanks. I thought the same thing, but I guess I needed someone else to say they saw that too. I think he’s mad at me for the whole thing because I’ve been telling him he did this to himself, once we found out what he’d been doing. He got a litany of speeding tickets. And had two open cases for evading on the traffic stops. They came to my place looking for him and here we are. It’s a whole mess.
NTA – they knew you had plans with little sis. Them scheduling it for when you had plans is their own problem and they cannot be upset if you can’t make it.
Also, it’s at your house without actually asking you? THAT is a major line cross for me. I wouldn’t be allowing that, especially with how much grief they’re giving you. But that is up to you.
I say go to the wresting event and have a camera installed in your house whether or not you allow the baby shower to take place at your house. I know your mom would be there but better safe than sorry.
Yeah the only reason I didn’t make it a big thing was because I’ve said yes about stuff before, even when I really didn’t want to. And I didn’t think they’d actually expect me to cancel our plans? Like I just didn’t think about it. And then Sunday, she sent the evite and my brother called me because I hit no. He came to the house today to discuss further. I probably won’t tell them to change the spot again. But I am gonna tell my mom there’s no more events without asking.
NTA, it seems you’ve already bent over backwards to help your family and there’s a point where you need to just say no more. If the event is local for you, is it possible to hold the babyshower earlier in the day so you and your sister can still attend even if for a short while? I know the event you’re talking about and those tickets are not cheap. Go and take your sister and have fun. That should be a hell of a show.
We’re not even in February yet! If they can change the date, they can change the venue. You aren’t going to be home so opening your house for a party for people who are already mad at you is craziness. They have plenty of time to find somewhere else to hold it.
NTA, your brother’s poor life choices don’t mean you need to bend over backwards to accommodate the change, especially when you have done more than you needed to already.
Don’t sell the tickets, and start setting much firmer boundaries now, as if you give in you’re probably going to end up raising that kid given your brother and his partner sound completely useless.
They chose a day they knew you were busy. Suspicious minds might say deliberately. Bet if you offered to buy a car theyd move it darn quick.
Cant they have the shower earlier in the day so you can still go to the match in the evening? But even if not, NTA. Go to the match.
NTA. Tell them if they keep complaining then they aren’t allowed to have it at your house