I added edits to the posts to give it more context, nothing has been deleted, there are sections with (edit) to inform everyone as well.
I 26 (X) and my mother 55 (F) got into an argument and I’m still trying to piece if I’m the asshole.
There was a recent spike in crime from gangs in my mom home county’s few days ago and very specifically crime in the city she is from. She updated me on some information on how my relatives were doing and headed out. I’m a slow processor so it did not click immediately as we both went on our ways.
My bother called me later that day asking about our mom and what was happening in her country, I then updated him about what she told me and missed remembered a detail about my uncle’s job regarding his boss and shifted to conversation to catching up and to tell our mom to call him. This was when it started clicking for me with what had happened and I started to look into it.
(Edit) the conclusion I had jumped to was that my uncles boss was a part of the gangs.
(Edit)
When she came home that day I checked in on her again, apologized as it took a while for me to understand what was happening especially since her city is usually unaffected.
A few days later and I’m chatting with my mom and she says that she needs to be upset at me and it’s about my conversation with my brother. How she’s embarrassed how I misunderstood what my uncle’s boss does (mind all of us I rarely see my family once every 3+ years, I’m not close to any of them and I have a sour relationship with that uncle) what if my bothers fiancé told her family the wrong detail, how people can get hurt from what I say, and how I always make up stories and maybe I’m stupider than she realized.
In that moment I asked her when was the last time I made up a story and she told me about when I was in kindergarten I use to tell the teachers lies about my family… I’m 26 and in my adulthood all of my loved ones know that I’m notoriously bad at lying (thanks social games)and also… what do I get from it? Like I don’t understand what the hell I can get from lying about it besides it being a honest mistake and me not paying close attention to the jobs of my over seas relatives. I kept on trying to explain that from her but she refused to listen.
Now she’s demanding that I apologize to her and my brother (who I know honestly doesn’t care, we always openly communicate when we’re upset at each other, and I refuse to involve him because his wedding is weeks away). (Edit) The day I got into the argument with my mom Brothers fiancée called me about our dnd game and didn’t mention anything about my brother or him being upset.
So… am I the asshole?
A quick edit to just give more context as I realized that my post is vague:
I live with my mom so I see her everyday and talk to her and I’m in the process of trying to move out.
YTA. You had no intent, but you understand your impact. Why haven’t you apologized to her?
> In that moment I asked her when was the last time I made up a story
Instead of trying to excuse your self, just say “sorry mom my bad, Ill clear things up with bro BYTHEWAY how are you feeling with this spike of crime in your hometown”
YTA
Mainly because you have been very vague on what you said and instead of apologizing for a comment that could hurt someone you got defensive.
> the conclusion I had jumped to was that my uncles boss was a part of the gangs.
So, you don’t live there, you don’t have much contact with the uncle, and you have NO firsthand information…but you just decided that his boss was involved in gang activity?
Then, when you learned of your error, your first reaction was to be defensive instead of apologizing?
Oh, yeah, YTA all the way around – go apologize to your mother.
YTA. Apologise