Now I know I’m the “A”, but I guess my question is HOW am I the “A”?
This group chat was created for local members of the community to get together be able to provide real time reports on a crime spree that we are currently experiencing… dirtbike riding balaclava wearing individuals who are threatening and robbing the community at knife point.
The group chat was getting a little bit off topic with people giving their personal opinions and things like that and getting to real time alerts was becoming a bit of a scrolling event.
One person in the group recommended that someone creates another group where we could all just have a side chat so that we could have real time alerts as well as chit chat separately.
The admin said “I can not offer a general group chat here at this time as it is too much to manage within one group.”
So I created a WhatsApp group, and for my very first comment in the admins crime group I said “Only off topic comment I hope to make if you would like to join "Our Community Tea Party", please hit like on this comment” …I accidentally added the admin to my new group before getting their consent. In my mind I thought it would be the courteous thing to do, but that was the only person I added without consent.
Without any communication they removed me from the community safety group and so I messaged them to apologise and ask if they wanted me to delete my “tea party” group.
… this was yesterday and they still haven’t responded to me.
There were no stated “group rules” to abide by.
The admin knows I am a mother blessed with 11 children and we even crossed paths with one of the balaclava boys on the walk home from basketball the other night.
I didn’t mean any harm… I guess I’m just a super thoughtless mother who had enough time on her hands to create a group chat.
Please can someone explain group chat etiquette to me and if this is really what happens if you add someone to a group prior to gaining their permission?
Did I get removed because I added the admin to my group without asking first, or did I get removed for simply creating another group?
It feels so embarrassing to be in this position especially because I am the first and only person to have been removed from a group chat aimed at keeping the community “safe”.
The group chat was only 48 hours old and I joined on the day it was created.
With no response from the admin I just feel so bad about what I did and the humiliation of being removed mixed with the confusion of no communication… no warning, no explanation… just removed from a group that was aimed at keeping the community “safe” is really weighing me down.
NTA.
OP, don’t beat yourself up about it. Your intention was to create a more direct line of chat for real time updates as the other chat was getting off topic. You have hurt no one, and if so, it’s pedantic and a non-issue if they’re hurt. I have numerous groups in my home town regarding all different topics, many similar and over lapping. We are not in school anymore, and if someone wants to create their own group, that is okay. As far as it reads, there is not just one person designated to solely control or organise these groups.
Thank you for your kindness with this, you have no idea how much it means to me to just have someone reason this situation out with me. And you’re right, I have not stopped beating myself up over it, I think mainly because the admin never even acknowledged my apology or provided the actual reason why I was removed from their group. I mean I only added 4 people to my group (including the admin) before he removed me and we never even actually started chatting in my group (so it’s not as though anyone said anything conflicting)… I’m a grown ass woman balling my eyes out because I’m embarrassed and confused and I wish you knew how much your kindness means to me at this moment in my life, thank you 🙏🏽
YTA
Not maliciously, but from a group etiquette standpoint, you overstepped.
The original group had a specific purpose. Real time safety alerts. The admin had already stated they did not want to manage a secondary general chat within that structure. When you posted a recruitment message for a separate group inside that same safety thread, it shifted focus away from the stated goal. Even if you prefaced it as your only off topic comment, it was still off topic in a high priority group.
In groups centered on safety or emergencies, signal to noise ratio matters. Admins often remove anything that could fragment attention or create parallel channels without coordination. It is less about your intent and more about control and clarity.
Adding the admin to your new group without consent likely made it worse. In messaging platforms, adding someone to a group automatically triggers notifications and attaches their name to something they did not agree to. That can feel presumptuous, especially when they just declined to create another group themselves. The courteous approach is always to ask privately before adding someone.
You were probably removed for both reasons. Posting recruitment in the safety thread and adding the admin without asking. From an admin perspective, that reads as bypassing authority in a newly formed group.
This is not a moral failing. It is a norms issue. In structured group chats, especially those formed for crisis response, you do not advertise side groups inside the main channel unless the admin explicitly approves it first.
If you want to rejoin, the clean approach is one short message acknowledging you should have asked before posting or adding them and leaving it there. If they do not respond, accept it and move on.
The removal was about group management, not your character.
Thank you!!! Yes these are the exact lines I feel I have crossed. I didn’t add the admin to help me to manage the group (I only added him as a member, but still without asking which is wrong… at the time I thought it would be rude not to add him which is actually a really stupid thought process in hindsight) and I made sure it was a completely different group (not under the umbrella of his existing WhatsApp group). I wish he had just messaged me exactly what you have said to me and it wouldn’t have felt so off. What makes it even more bizarre is that he let posts about buying beer and other social messages slide, and the commenters were allowed to stay (as well as their comments)… I feel embarrassed that I was the first and only one to be removed when within 48 hours so many others were muddling up the chat and I wish I had just not done what I did, I just feel like such an asshole. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to give me the clarity that I’m looking for, I really appreciate your kindness 🙏🏽
I’m not gonna be quite as descriptive as the other two, but ultimately I agree with both of them. You overstepped and were removed for a fair reason, meaning YTA. However despite this, your intentions were well placed, and the necessity to remove clutter was clear and you made an attempt to mitigate it, meaning NTA.
The admin’s declining sometimes suggestion to make a separate chat for casual talk unrelated to immediate news about the current issue obviously made an open opportunity for someone to create it. While you took this action of your own volition, it could’ve been brought up amidst the clutter to show that it is wanted and necessary. You, just as much as everyone else, deserve to know what’s going on, and that admin is taking too much pride in their little group they suddenly have power over. They also don’t understand the premise of, “I need to speak with you face-to-face for us to resolve this” would be entirely too threatening and in poor taste to expect a mother to engage with. Thankfully you can still see these bits of news and reports without actively being in the group, but I personally wouldn’t continue engaging with these people, as they sound sorta HOA-y.
Thank you thank you thank you for this!!! I actually had to google “HOA” because I didn’t know what it meant and looking at this situation it sort of does feel that way. I mean if I go begging for acceptance and it’s granted, what next? And I’ve got nothing to hide, if they all want to assume that the announcement that was made today was in relation to my removal yesterday there is really nothing I can do to change their minds. Thank you for taking this out with me, I had only just stopped crying when he made his new announcement. I will avoid all of that now. Thank you so very much for your help 🙏🏽