Long time friend just got a new place with his partner. He’s hosting a housewarming function and decided it’d be a potluck. Pizza will be served.
After inviting me, and I shared I’d only be there for a bit, he asks how long I’ll be there. I’ll only be there for a couple hours. He then goes on to say since I’ll only be there for a little bit, it’s ok if I bring something small or alcohol. As if to give me permission of bringing something that reflects my only being there for a little while?
\- isn’t it weird to host a potluck for a house warming party for themself? Aren’t potlucks reserved for mutually agreed upon holidays/ events?
\- as a host, I’d never ask someone to come to my home and micromanage that they bring something, I feel like having no expectations of what folks bring comes with the territory of hosting? And being grateful when they do?
\- I’ve not set a precedent that I’m cheap or stingy. I was always going to bring something nice regardless of how long I’d be there.
I recognize that being asked to bring an app or small bites is a minor lift, but on principal I’m annoyed with being asked how long I’ll be there and then being told I can bring something in equivalence to my time spent there
AITA?
YTA, you’re not the host and it sounds like your friend was trying to be nice and make sure you didn’t feel obligated to bring something big if you weren’t staying that long. It sounds like you don’t really like your friend tbh
YTA. They are hosting a specific kind of event which you can attend or not attend. If you attend, you are expected to participate.
It’s pretty normal to manage to some extent what people bring to a potluck. 8 desserts and no apps will not go over well, and some management will help avoid that. Similarly, if he just “went with the flow” and didn’t manage what people were bringing, people may bring nothing. This would result in there not being enough food.
He gave you options, and no one is forcing you to go. I don’t think it’s that tacky personally. Moving is a big headache, and you might want to celebrate with friends without personally preparing a 3 course meal.
YTA. Potlucks are good anytime for me and yes it’s fairly normal to have some guidance from the host on what to bring. If everyone brought a bag of chips most people would be pretty pissed. It’s not like he’s telling you a specific dish just a general category.
YWBTA if you don’t learn from this . First of all, a potluck can be anytime someone wants to host. Second, they just moved, a potluck is easiest party too throw together. Third , Big Nope, it’s not micromanaging if the host of a potluck asks or assigns you something to bring. The first thing you ask is “what can I bring?” . The host usually offers a main course . The guests bring sides, desserts and drinks. In case of a bad cook in the group, or someone swamped with work, that person can be asked to bring paper plates and napkins.
YTA
>isn’t it weird to host a potluck for a house warming party for themself? Aren’t potlucks reserved for mutually agreed upon holidays/ events?
No on both points.
>having no expectations of what folks bring comes with the territory of hosting? And being grateful when they do?
Also no. It’s incredibly common to coordinate what people bring, especially to a potluck, so that you don’t end up with redundant dishes or only have desserts or no one brings expected dishes
>I was always going to bring something nice regardless of how long I’d be there.
But that’s not the point?
YTA. You don’t need a reason to have a potluck. You just have one.
YTA. If people don’t want to go to a potluck event, they can say no. I don’t think your friend was micromanaging, it sounds like they were trying to be helpful, letting you know you didn’t have to bring a full think because you weren’t staying long. You’ve taken something completely innocent and turned it negative. Chill.