I gave her $2000, where I specifically laid out that it was a gift, not a loan. I told her I would give it because I don’t want her to resent me for having to pay it back.
I gave her that because she told my parents she needed the money to buy a car. I also gave it to her because I didn’t want our relationship to be ruined over money, as it happened with my dad and his brothers.
Though it might already be messed up. She recently used my credit card without my permission, I called her out on it and had her pay me back. It was $20. She’s still upset about that, I think.
My parents previously helped me with $5000 for my car. It didn’t seem unreasonable to help her with half, since in a way, it’s not really my money. In my mind, it seems more like forwarding my parents help from me to her.
Anyway, I gave her the money, and plan on giving the remaining $500 tomorrow. She not only didn’t thank me, but when I tried to ask what’s going on with her, to try to understand what’s happening on her end, she told me that I’m not a person she wants to talk to. She refused to tell me why.
AITA for asking her questions right after giving her money? AITA for feeling upset/disappointed at her reaction?
YTA. And I’m going to be blunt about why.
You keep saying it’s a “gift,” but you’re not acting like it’s a gift. The moment you handed her $2000, you immediately wanted emotional access, explanations, reassurance, gratitude. That’s not generosity. That’s leverage .
If you want a relationship that isn’t ruined by money, stop using money as a relationship tool.
Either give it freely and let it go… or don’t give it at all.
Right now it sounds like you want to be generous and in control at the same time. That’s the real tension.
Exactly. My mother used to give “gifts” this way too. It’s self serving. If it’s really a gift, you don’t portion it out, or ask follow up.
How did she have your credit card number? Did she steal it, or did you give it to her for a purpose?
Did she even ask you for money? Sounds like you horned in on a transaction between your sister and your parents.
100% never give anyone money if you’re not okay with them wasting it. You can’t control what they do. If they’re not responsible with their own money, they’re not going to be responsible with your money.
NTA but why are giving this ungrateful thief anything?
If the funds are a gift, then you don’t have a right to know how/why she’s going to spend it. You are right to have no repayment as that alone will cause friction.
YTA
Not having a right to know something and simply asking for that information doesn’t make someone a AH. She can just say no to an ask. If he demanded the information and used the gift as a guilt trip then yes he would be a AH, but that was never explicitly stated to have occurred.
NTA
But she stole from you. You’re far more generous than I am, that would get her cut off.
ESH, so obviously sister committed fraud and theft by using your credit card. But you are adding strings to a gift, probably unintentionally but they are there. Easiest solution here honestly, lock your cards/accounts and do not give sister any more money. Money can really show someone’s true colors and if it ends up being the end of your relationship with your sister then you’re better off.
These replies are rediculous. You absolutely can give a gift with strings attached. It is completely reasonable to say I will give you $x to be used towards a specific expense. It is also completely reasonable to expect a thank you when you given someone $2,000. That is basic manners. Personally, I would not give the sister the remaining $500. NTA.
Exactly. The idea of no strings attached with a gift is absurd. If I give my grandkid a gift of $10,000 and say it’s for college tuition that doesn’t mean it’s okay if he blows it on a trip around the world.
NTAH
Also I would not give her the additional $500. You were under no obligation to give her any money
YTA there is so much more to this story
NTA
Shouldn’t have given her any money, since you’re not “a person she wants to talk to” so why would she take your money? what an ungrateful and nasty person
NTA but I wouldn’t give her that $500. I wouldn’t have given her any money directly for the car but would have gone with her to the bank to pay on the loan just because she used your credit card without your permission. She is disrespectful snd crossing boundaries then acting like it’s your fault.