She’s a new mother. Of course she believes that taking care of a newborn all day is the toughest job possible. Believe me, I know it isn’t easy, this is my second kid. But what irks me is that she thinks her day is harder than mine everyday and it feels insulting. Our son is 2 months old and I’ve been doing this routine for almost 10 months. Here is how my day goes:
830 I wake up and make coffee, a full breakfast, then do the dishes and take out the trash if needed, and sometimes I shovel the driveway, (lots of snow lately) usually I start a load of laundry before I go to work to come back and switch it after.then I work in a restaurant with stairs (emphasis) for about 10.5 hrs.im on salary, so I do about 40-55 hrs a week. Then after work I come home and clean up the house, do the remaining dishes from her lunch and proceed to make dinner. Then I do the dishes again, switch the laundry, clean up the kitchen and sit down to spend tin with them.its about 1030.
So just to be clear I’m not complaining. In fact I feel fulfilled at some level knowing I can do all this, plan groceries-earn an income, prepare food do the laundry, dishes, trash and spend time with the family. But I literally get No break. Because once I get home from work, she just hands me the baby. Then I have to figure out dinner and she watches him while I cook, but otherwise he’s my responsibility til bed time.
Meanwhile she tells me, “he just sleeps all day”, or “he wake up the nurses and goes right back to sleep.” She never really says, “he fussed and cried all day” or anything like that. So I look at it from a step back and think, wait, I’m cooking two meals, doing laundry, cleaning, dishes, working 50 hrs a week running around this building up and down stairs and getting my steps in for sure, projects around the house on my off days, etc. and she’s just throwing a titty in his mouth and heating burritos?
I feel like she’s lazy and can’t figure out how to multitask, or even carve time to fold a load of laundry. I mean she says he’s sleeping…?
If she didn’t say things like that condescendingly I wouldn’t gaf. But she genuinely thinks my days aren’t hard -she hasn’t ever had a real job, or responsibilities, supported herself, or learned how to apologize for anything…
AITA or what
Why did you choose to have a baby with someone who never had a real job or responsibilities?
She carried your child for 9 months. Grew an entire human being inside of her, pushed it out of her body and is now caring for that child and you want to play whose life is harder??? REALLY? OMG? YTA. YTA. YTA.
YTA. You already get to sleep from 10:40 to 8:30. Your day is better than her day.
Literally. My first thought was, you get to make coffee and a full breakfast, that’s already better than what she’s able to do right now. I had to be really firm with myself and force myself to make cereal or toast when I was breastfeeding as all resources go to the baby and feeding would go better. But it was a struggle to do that because baby cried if I put him down and wanted feeding first. Plus, y’know, healing from stitches, lack of sleep, which is literal torture etc
OP, yes, you are being helpful but you don’t have a clue what she is going through.
NAH
I’m pretty sure at 2 months I was still shitting myself randomly. The body takes a long time to heal. That said you’re doing a lot and you deserve some appreciation for that. I think you both need to focus on being kind and patient with each other until you get through these hard times.
Omg YTA
The baby is 2 months old, he won’t be sleeping longer than 4 hours at a time, which means your wife isn’t getting any decent sleep for the last 2 months AND she’s breastfeeding, her body is literally turning her blood into milk so your child can survive.
It sounds like you have never had to work and look after yourself before.
YTA.
YTA. “shes just throwing a titty in his mouth” seriously says so much about you as a person and partner.
it shouldnt be a competition as to whose day is harder, you’ll literally get nowhere with that thinking/lack of understanding. she is 2 months post partum. you do realize what carrying a baby for 9 months does to a persons mind and body, not just during the pregnancy but after as well, right? also, being a stay at home parent is a full time job itself and is indeed one of the toughest i dont care what anyone says.
Why are you comparing your day with hers. She’s sleep deprived and exhausted. Quit your bitching and be supportive
You are supposed to be on the same team, not sitting and playing “who has it harder”. You both have difficulties and many more ahead.
I’ll go with NAH for the time being. You’re both tired and not really thinking straight. Have a chat about how you can help each other and your child rather than playing the who does more game
>she’s just throwing a titty in his mouth
As a breastfeeding mother myself, YTA for this comment.
Breastfeeding burns 500-700 extra calories a day. That’s like doing a 10k run every single day. It’s bloody tiring! Do not act like it’s easy.
Why is this a competition? Why is it so important that someone have a harder time than the other person?
A few thoughts… When my bil had hernia surgery, he was out of commission for 2 weeks to recover. Your partner gave birth and got about 32 seconds to recover before getting to the business of making food, feeding, changing diapers, doing basic child care all the while, bleeding, cramping, and hurting. Just because she doesn’t complain doesn’t mean it is easy. Her comments might be unfair to you, but she isn’t wrong.
You said yourself – the work you do, the schedule you gave yourself – leaves you feeling fulfilled. Why can’t that be the end? If she wants to complain that her day is harder, suggest that neither of you are living a life of luxury and respite while the other toils away.
I think you guys are trying to compete for a victim card. Don’t get me wrong. It sounds like you bring a lot to the table. But you’re able to sleep without waking up every 2-3 hrs. If you’re at your job, you get to have a break and eat meals. Your wife is home all day but she probably doesn’t have the mental or physical strength to do anything. You say you do a load of laundry in the morning. Do you leave the drying and folding to her after? When baby is asleep she’s either trying to catch up with other housework or trying to make up for sleep. Eating, showering, other housework, even a small nap will be difficult for the first few months. Check on her mental health <3 PPD is no joke(I’m hoping she doesn’t have it)I remember not being able to cook or even get out of bed because of how little energy I had. This is temporary and it will get better for the both of you. But don’t argue over whoever is tired or doing more than the other person. You guys both need a break. The more you argue over this the more it gets worse.
Sorry just re-read your post about the laundry. Don’t mind my question about it haha. But keep up the good work. Not all dads do as much as you do during the teeny baby days.