I (m) started following a woman on IG, after seeing her on multiple dating apps (with her IG username in her profiles). I’d see her stories, but hardly commented on things she posted.
She posted a story about fostering cats a few weeks ago, and yesterday posted a photo of a cat.
Me: is that a cat you’re fostering?
Her: how do you know about that?
Me: you posted a story about fostering cats a while back
Her: creepy
Me: sorry for commenting on things you’re doing
Her: it’s ok, some men don’t understand social cues.
Me: just an FYI, don’t get arsey about people commenting on things you’re doing, on a public forum. Have a great day 😊
So, AITA?
NTA.
As a woman, I would find it a bit odd if a random person (man or woman) I don’t know commented on my stories… but she is the one who put her IG in her dating bio, and her page is public. She was basically inviting anyone to engage with her content, soo not sure why she got so weirded when someone did just that. I mean you could’ve tried starting a normal conversation with her, but oh well
She posted something and then someone who she doesn’t really interact with references a post from ways back and relates it to this point. Yeah it’s pretty creepy that you care that much to notice. She’s not your friend or family member so to her she’s thinking “who is this follower and why is he so involved in my business?” You’re a follower but your relationship always suppose to be very surface level. Like some pictures and comment to the post. Not full blown conversations and connecting the dots from other posts. That’s creepy. That sounds like stalker behaviour. Doesn’t help that you’ve see her across multiple dating apps…yeah you just sound too involved…take a step back.
Is this the first time you’ve messaged her? It’s kind of like you’ve been watching her and know about her life without saying hello first…kind of creepy IMO, even though her stories are public. Might have been better to say, “hey I’m Mr Non-Creep and I like your content. Cats are rad.”
YTA
ESH. If she doesn’t want comments from strangers she should make her account private, and she really shouldn’t give her handle in dating apps. But commenting on the posts of someone you don’t know and who doesn’t know you is a bit creepy. Especially when the only reason you’re looking at their account is because you’ve seen them on dating apps.
Besides this, there might be things you’re not telling us, like does she usually reply to other comments but consistently ignores yours, have you tried to get in touch through the dating apps and she’s said no? The fact she refers to social cues kind of implies there’s past interactions you’ve not included in your post.
I think you’re not telling the whole story here
its story enough to weird anyone out regardless lol
YTA. Following someone you don’t know across platforms and commenting on their life as if you know them is creepy. That’s like seeing someone in public and then asking them about an outfit they wore weeks ago. It’s not the public part that’s creepy, it’s acting like you know them when you don’t.
ESH, I’d also find it pretty weird if someone I hadn’t matched with was trying to reach out on instagram after finding me on an app. Maybe she shouldn’t put it in her profile, but back when I had hinge I had my instagram linked because it just gave better insight into my lifestyle, though I’d be more discerning with who I let follow me. She could’ve just blocked you instead of being rude, but yeah kinda creepy to follow a woman who is obviously not interested in you when that’s your intention with her. Such specific comments about fostering a cat would make me feel like I’m being watched.
Might be unpopular but YTA
Yes most of us have social media and many post publicly about their lives etc., sharing the account info on dating profiles usually just implies that someone can check out the account and connect. But commenting on something from IG on a different platform while you have basically no relationship established yet is pretty creepy. Would give me creepy vibes too to be very honest. Stalk to your heart’s content, but just keep your discoveries to yourself until topics pop up naturally. 🙂
YTA.
From what you’ve said you never actually matched with this woman, let alone have a conversation with her.
You just saw her account on dating apps with her insta linked, then decided to follow her, watched her stories, and then randomly revealed that you, a person she doesn’t know who also doesn’t know her, has been keeping track of her life events far beyond what you’d expect of a random follower.
Yes she has her insta in her bio and she lets you follow her, but your behaviour will be why she changes that.
As a general rule, if someone links a social media account on their dating profile, don’t follow it with the purpose of talking to them unless they matched with you, and if you want to start things off at least message on the dating app first to break the ice unless their bio also says “message me on insta I don’t check this app”
I think the issue here is not solely that you remembered what she posted a few weeks ago, which (in isolation) seems a fairly reasonable thing to do. I remember what my friends post and sometimes chat about it.
It’s that you saw her on dating apps, started following her on another platform (presumably without any conversation where you discussed doing so) and *then* brought up something she posted weeks ago.
If you guys were talking at any point and she gave you her insta at any point, this would look more like the bid for connection you think it is. But *seeing* her from a distance, following her on another platform without any discussion of exchanging handles, remembering something she posted, and then going in cold with that memory? That has a different vibe. YTA.
YTA why not message and try to get to know her on one of the dating apps instead of stalking all of her social media?
YTA. I never understood much of the behavior from “dating apps”.
Many of the women I know (including my wife… we met on one of the apps over 3 years ago) who also have used them feel incredibly vulnerable as not every male is well behaved. She has shown me some of the nonsense she received. Gross.
Here is a uncharitable perspective on what happened:
You, swiping through the crowd, decided “hmm this person’s name appears to be their IG handle. Let me check”. JACKPOT! We never match but surely she will love me here…
You follow this person you do not know …who you found attractive… who does not know you… who has actively chosen not to know you …on IG.
Then you watched her posts closely enough to build a bit of a profile in your head.
Next you decide to ask her a question calling back a detail from weeks previously.
She likely has seen your face on whatever app and decided not to match with you.
Then you show up in the comments on a picture about a cat. You come in with basically “I’ve been watching you and here is what I found”.
Yeah. Creepy.
I was gonna say ESH but…
YTA because I feel like it’s “etiquette” not to be chatting on people’s IG stories like that, especially since you got it from her dating profile which sounds like y’all weren’t talking on there originally, but genuinely tell me if I’m wrong. Her reaction makes sense if your first interaction was through her IG story and not messages on there or any dating app. It’s not the biggest faux pas but I would find it a bit “creepy” – I’m a more private person so that’s just my opinion.
I do find her a bit in the questionable zone; do she have her IG linked to her profiles only (could be farming for more followers – an asocial process imo but no judgment) or have any blurb with it that make sense. Something like “find more about me on my IG” “I respond better on IG” inviting someone to talk on there…
…either way though you call her profile a “public forum” and I understand where you’re coming from with the internet but a profile in my opinion is a weird liminal space between public and private. But the way you word “don’t get arsey about people commenting on things you’re doing” means YTA like you entitled to her that’s the real creepy part for me 🙁