So my flatmate made plans with her family, without even mentioning it to me first, for three of them to stay at our two bedroom flat with us for two weeks in January. I work from home three days a week and my workspace is in our living room, where she said her family would be sleeping while they are here. The concerns I raised were that I was concerned where they would be keeping all their things and that I would need access to the living room three days a week starting at 9am which is when I start work. I also said I was concerned with the level of mess with three extra people staying in our flat. She said she was ‘wildly hurt’ that I would assume her family would leave a mess but that it was fine and she would "let her family know that they are not welcome at the flat". I offered an alternative of me going to stay elsewhere for two weeks if she would pay half my rent and bills for that month as I wouldn’t be utilising that rent or bills for the time I wasn’t there and it might be cheaper than getting alternative accommodation for her and her family for two weeks, to which she said she didn’t think it was fair that I expected her to pay more when I would be working from home three days a week. I don’t think it’s fair that she’s expecting me to contribute to paying for her three family members using our hot water and electricity for two weeks (I’m in Scotland and utilities are not cheap here). Anyways, she hasn’t spoken to me in almost a week now, have I been totally out of line with this/my concerns? What would you do in this situation?
Oh NTA at all. That was a reasonable middle ground you offered and she refused. Guess they have to get a hotel for 3x as much.
When two people are living together, any invitations made for guests should be run by the other person(s).
You deserved to have assurances that they will be out of the apartment during work hours those three days or had some type of discussion at least!
Three people in a 2 bedroom is a lot of overflow for most spaces! Over a long weekend, it’s doable, but when it interferes with work weeks, that’s different.
Generally rule of guests in it’s a two yes, one no situation.
And with the OP, their roommate, and the roommate’s three relatives it’d be 5 people in a two bedroom…which is a terrible idea.
NTA, your solutions seemed reasonable.
NTA! THREE people staying in your living room without permission?! Time to get a new roomie lol
NTA,
There’s no way for you to live like that sensibly for a whole month and roomie knew that
NTA. There’s this thing called hotels.
NTA.
She knows damn well that she’s in the wrong, but she’s trying to guilt you into accepting it. This is a flat that she shares equally with YOU, it is not her personal property to make arbitrary decisions and invite people who will use extra utilities, and eat extra food.
Is it even okay with your landlord to have THREE people visiting for 2 weeks? Certainly it’s not acceptable for her to invite people without asking you! Just tell her that you’ll take her up on her offer of letting her family know that they’re not welcome at the flat.
You are not at all out of line and I think it’s time you looked for another roommate. I’ve spent a number of years rooming with one person or another and not once has anyone even thought to do such a thing. I’m married now but even my husband would never ask to put up his family members. When they visited us they stayed in a local hotel.
NTA. You and your roommate already have an arrangement that the living room is your workspace for those 3 days during the week. Having three extra bodies and their belongings cramped into that space, along with what was already there, can make things feel quite claustrophobic and can also be a big distraction while you’re trying to work.
It is out of respect and common courtesy to ask roommates before making plans with ANYONE (even SOs) if they are comfortable and ok with someone staying over. Most leases in the US have a clause that state a guest cannot stay over for more than x amount of days a month, otherwise they have to be listed on the lease and contribute towards rent and utilities. Which, to be fair, for 2 weeks, those family members should be covering at least 1/3 of rent and utilities + their share of groceries.
NTA I always organise my family coming over when I know my flatmate is on holiday and it wont be a bother on her day to day. We’ve both had other people come over for a few days thou, staying within our rooms.
2 weeks / 3 people and using the living room IS unreasonable and your ask is as good a compromise because you are offering a sublet so she can be comfortable
NTA. Step one when planning to host: make sure the person you share a home with is okay with it Before making any plans.
Your offer to go somewhere else and sublet your space to her/her family for two weeks was way more generous than you needed to be. Like you said, it will also save them money on a hotel, which they would need to get if they come to visit.
Stand firm on this boundary. She was out of line, not you. You have just as much right to decide how your space is used as she does. This is a “two yes, one no” situation.
Info: Do you pay extra for having your workspace in the living room?
NTA, a couple of days having family there if your roommate has given you the heads up is one thing but two weeks is absolutely taking the piss!!