So, I (20F) saw my best friend (20F) for the first time in 6 months when she came up to the city I go to uni in for Halloween weekend. She’d brough her BF (21M), who I’d never met. Previously, she told me he was nervous to meet me, so I treated him like any of my other close male friendships, to integrate him into the fold. And also treated him similar to the dynamic, me, her and her old BF had.
We had normal banter throughout the night. He’d throw jabs, and I’d throw them right back. If he said a particularly good one, I’d lightly kick him (an action all my friends do with eachother). He kicked me back, so I thought it was mutual and harmless. I progressively got drunker through the night, and didn’t think abou the fact I was wearing hard-soled doc martens.
Before the bar crawl ended, they left a bit early. My friend said that she was catching an earlier train in the morning (probably around 11am). Around 30mins after she left, she sent a message about her BF having some bruises on his leg. As soon as I saw that, I apologised and said I’d never meant to hurt him. In the morning, I sent a more coherent apology about it: I never should’ve kicked him, treated him like we’d known each other that well and that I hadn’t taken into consideration the shoes I was wearing. She never opened the message (this is on Snapchat) or replied.
We have eachother’s locations. And even though she said she’d be leaving around 11am, her location showed that she was at a restaurant we’d discussed going to together the previous day around 1pm (before she told me she was leaving early). So, I’m now also unsure if she was upset before she even saw the bruises and just didn’t want to hang out with me, or if she changed her plans to leave early after she saw them.
2 days passed, with no response, so I reached out again basically saying, please don’t ignore me and we should talk this out. Still no response. It’s now the 21st, I’ve had no response.
I fully know what I did wasn’t okay, and I did apologise twice. But now I’m being completely ignored
AITA?
Edit: I want to clarify this part, as some people are taking it as if it was flirtatious. *Everyone* that night (around 10 people) were chasing each other, joking and doing similar banter-y stuff. It wasn’t me and him alone, and it didn’t feel like a 1-1 interaction either.
Additionally, some people are saying it was aggressive and violent. While I understand that from an outsider’s perspective, most of our friends do that to each other, including the best friend. I know that I shouldn’t have done that to him, but saying not to kick each other and such isn’t a me issue. All of my friends do it to each other, again, including said best friend (who even kicked me a couple of times through the night).
Finally, I’d like to say this wasn’t repetitive kicking, I propbaly kicked him 5 times through the 7+ hr night (each time one soft kick). In response to jabs that he made etc
You kicked him hard enough to leave a bruise. Yes, YTA.
You’ve literally already acknowledged that your behavior in kicking him too hard, while accidental, was wrong. What are you actually asking us to judge here?
YTA and stop fucking kicking people. It’s not a fun, cute, jovial thing. It’s not a bonding moment.
YTA
Kicking? Are you 12?
I’m sorry this bad habit in your friend group cost you a friend.
YTA – kicking people isn’t cute or funny. Stop doing it.
I think you need to give your friend space. Are you sure it’s just the kicking? Did you say other not appropriate things while getting progressively drunker?
YTA. It wasnt an accident because you physically moved your foot with an intent to kick him. So no accident to be had.
I wonder why he was afraid to meet u for ages. Are u always aggressive? Youre 20, time to grow up, and if you dont then you will find yourself losing people youve known for years.
Hmm, YTA for treating him like he was already close, and doing things you’d normally do with a close male friend. You did say you wanted to accept him into the friend group, but treating him like he was already in it is an a-hole move. However, you’re NTA for genuinely trying to apologize to a friend over your behavior, and apologizing again after sobering up. They’re overreacting and being an a-hole by giving you the silent treatment.
Your behavior wasn’t good initially, but they’re being childish giving you the silent treatment. All in all, currently you’re NTA
You mucked up meeting her new guy and she has gone cold on you despite you twice apologising. By not responding, your friend may be trying to teach you a lesson about your behaviour! She may get back in touch; she may not. Either way, chalk it up to experience and realise in future that kicking people is not a nice habit. It is not friendly, or cute or funny. It’s aggressive. So stop it! YTA.
Yeah, sorry, hitting people is a no go. You did your best to take ownership for your mistakes and apologized. Not much else you can do besides wait. The ball is in her court now.
But you definitely fucked up. She let you know he was nervous and you were belligerent and violent. YTA here.
To me it sounds like there’s another issue that you’re not aware of with your friend. I think you should try a little experiment with your other friends and see what happens.
When you’re hanging out with your other friends don’t strike at all unless they do first. If a particular person does, then you know that you aren’t instigating anything unwanted with them, if they don’t kick or hit even with a good jab, then that might be a sign that what you were doing isn’t particularly wanted.
I’ve known a guy and girl who were close enough to strike each other and it not be taken as anything other than their shenanigans, like some siblings I’ve also seen do that, but I haven’t witnessed a whole group of friends that engaged in this behavior.
I personally wouldn’t hit a guy or girl even if I was close with them like a brother or sister, I’d throw out an insult or sarcastic remark maybe, but nothing physical.
as far as what to do about this current situation. Give it a set amount of time to wait for her to come to you. You’ve done all you can to make whatever amends you can on your end. if she’s not willing to engage with you, then you need to take her actions at face value, and move on. Maybe she’ll come around way later on, but you dwelling on her isn’t going to do you or her any favors.
YTA
Who TF repeatedly kicks someone they’ve just met? ‘I do this with others so it’s ok to do it to you’
Serious Q – on what planet do you think you’re *not* TA?
Edit: in seeing your follow up comments, you two seemingly were flirting with each other pretty inappropriately. Him making jabs at your appearance, and *you and he chasing each other around with your friend in the middle* is just completely inappropriate. It’s your whole body of work that’s the problem; *not just* the kicking.
So I’ll loop back to my ‘Serious Q’ two paragraphs up.
YTA… you were chasing each other? The way it’s written seems like you were flirting. Are you sure she didn’t mind how you were with her ex?
Im probably going to take flack but I dont agree.
NTA
You were doing your best to help make your friends BF feel like part of the family and just like they’ve been around forever. I understand that, if I was your friends s.o I would have appreciated the effort. However, he’s also adult enough to have the mind to have asked or said hey youre starting to kick me too hard or have asked to stop.
Alcohol was involved obviously so I definitely dont blame you for having no inhibitions. That was clearly a choice everyone made. And again, if your friend had an issue why lie to you and ignore you? That sounds like immaturity at its finest.
You’ve apologized and are being actively ignored, id argue that your friend ITA not you.
On this point – clearly if youre getting to that point, be more mindful of your drinking and who youre drinking with/ how youre acting while you drink (publicly, at home be wild idgaf) I too, and im sure a fair few of us, have had that friend who pissed us off while out drinking and its because the booze, give your friend time to simmer down and dont forget that you are sorry, but just be patient.
On another note – girl how hard were you kicking him??? Like I know people who bruise easy but damn I have been hit pretty hard in my legs and not gotten a bruise, is dude made of paper?