Hello! So for context, my boyfriend (26M) and I (26F) have been hanging out with his friends since our first year of dating. They’re pretty chill but the issue started when I had hidden them from my IG stories a few months ago. I honestly don’t remember why they were hidden, maybe I had hidden before but forgot to undo it but regardless I didn’t really have any bad intentions on hiding my stories from them. Anyway, they had found out about it because my boyfriend had reposted a photo I posted that day. His friends were questioning in our groupchat why they couldn’t see anything. That was when I found out that they were hidden from my IG stories. I apologized and made a joke about how I didn’t realize they were hidden.
After that they started ignoring me on our socials, ignoring my messages in pm and in our groupchat. I was dealing with so many things in my personal life too so I wasn’t able to really talk to them after that. I recently decided to finally talk to them about them giving me the cold shoulder, cause at the time, I didn’t really think it was that big of a deal to be upset about so I never thought that was the issue that they had with me. But it was.
And so, I tried to explain myself and apologize for hurting their feelings, and reassure them that I wasn’t trying to hide anything. They kind of left me on read and then the next thing I know, they all left the groupchat, leaving my boyfriend and I left in there. My boyfriend had talked to them after this incident and basically they had an issue with how I apologized? They thought it was weird of me to explain what I was going through. They just wanted me to apologize and that was it, because to them they felt like I was guilt tripping them. Like I wasn’t allowing them to be hurt by what I did, and was making them feel bad. I don’t know, am I the asshole for apologizing that way?
INFO: What did you say when you tried to explain yourself? Wondering cause you asked if you’re the AH for how you did it but didn’t tell us how you did it it
NTA. This was really no big deal and unintentional on your part. You apologized but they ALL decided to basically freeze you out because they didn’t like how you apologized. They sound petty.
At least you won’t have to worry about sending them wedding invitations if you two get engaged.
Her boyfriend is complicit if he continues to be friends with them after they ice his partner out. They’ll be invited to the wedding and OP will be encouraged to “be the bigger person” and allow them to come. The fact that they felt *entitled* to OP’s social media account, says all.
NAH – It shouldn’t have been a big deal to begin with. They overreacted. But your personal issues have nothing to do with why they were hidden, so I can see why bringing it up during your apology would make it sound disingenuous.
Yeah I figured, the only reason why I explained myself was bc they were also upset as to why I disappeared so I wanted to explain that as well during my apology. I had no excuses for them being hidden in my IG stories so I wanted to take accountability for that, and then I tried to clear up the misunderstanding as to why I didn’t get back to them quickly and basically went MIA for a while.
NTA. This is some high school mean petty shit. You’re going overboard with trying to appease your boyfriend’s friends, who are being very immature and childish here.
As someone who’s familiar with instagram and hiding ppl from looking at their stories, I’m struggling to understand how that was a mistake lmao you have to actively go on their accounts and click hide for viewing stories. So I think your excuse is falling short on ears. Mostly because the ppl in your bfs friend group weren’t born yesterday. Them ignoring you seems like they’re just meeting you where you’re at. Doesn’t seem like you guys are actually friends, just mutually through your bf. Seems you’re both kept an at arms length but childish enough to reach over social media content. No offense
The thing is, I don’t remember why they were hidden in the first place. I don’t really have an excuse to that, and I was taking accountability for that cause I know that was wrong of me to do. I apologized to them profusely for it because I know it hurt them. I just really can’t remember why they were hidden in the first place. I know I must have done it, but I can’t remember as to why. I told them this too, and it’s up to them if they wanna believe me but that really is the truth. Plus ngl, I was updating them through our own groupchats and pms so I wasn’t exactly hiding anything. I told them everything and everything I did post, I was already showing them in the groupchat. If anything, I was mostly trying to reassure them that I had no ill intentions and that I was sorry
I agree with you, I really want to know why she hide them to begin with ?
Also we’re 26,, I didn’t really think it was an issue at first because I wouldn’t really care if they had hidden me from their IG stories yknow? Its their life and privacy. I’ll be grateful if they decide to include me on that but they’re not obligated to. We’re adults now, we have lives of our own. It’s just, hard to wrap my mind around why they’d go the “cold shoulder” route if they had an issue with me. I wish they had just told me yknow? Cause I explained to them I didn’t know why they were hidden, and that I was genuinely sorry, but they didn’t bother to talk to me. They just… up and left
I think all of you need to get off social media and go outside.
NTA Why you feel the need to apolgise you didnt do anything wrong? Why they havd such a strog reaction that they cant see your story do they like you or soemthing? Why isnt your bf backing you up on this? So many questions…
ESH
Your bfs friends suck the most for being so immature for caring whether they can see things on your IG, then not accepting your comment that you didnt know it was hidden and letting it go, then giving you the silent treatment, then not accepting your apology and dropping off the groupchat. And then when confronted by you, claiming all they wanted was an apology (which you had given them). All of that is some high school level behavior. Maybe your account was private to everyone, but regardless most ADULTS would not care at all, certainly not enough to whine about it in a groupchat. Do they have jobs or do something else gainful with their time like going to college, are they all this immature? This borders on absurdity.
My guess it there is a woman in the group who is a “mean girl” and she is the only one who cared, but then wielding her “mean girl power” decided to capitalize on this issue to cause problems for you because she has never really liked or accepted you or is jealous of you. She prob used to date your bf or has always had a crush on him or some similar nonsense. It is just mind boggling that any of them would care, much less all of them.
Your bf sucks for having dumb immature friends and for not responding “who knows or cares why, it isnt a big deal and im sure it wasnt intentional” and telling them ” we are all way past high school and should be well over juvenile BS”.
You suck for kowtowing to them rather than saying “look, I told you initially I didn’t know the post was hidden from everyone, then I was the bigger person and apologized despite not intentionally preventing people from seeing the post, I didn’t deserve the silent treatment, and people dropping from the group chat about this. you all are being a bit ridiculous over this, if you want to invent reasons to be upset, thats fine but either accept the apology and move on, or stay mad, ive said all im going to say about this. And then going your merry way.
People who are TRUE FRIENDS would not act this way. Maybe consider this a blessing as it revealed these people are not your true friends.
Wow, dude, you got all of that so accurately. The people who did have an issue with this was two girls in the friend group. One of them, who was the most mad, did have a thing with my boyfriend in the past. She does have a boyfriend, who she’s been dating for almost two years now, but not sure how that info helps jdjsjs
Anyway you’re right, thank you so much for your insight. I know I should have been more strict(?) with standing my ground, I’ve always had a hard time doing so but I’ll make sure to keep this as a lesson in mind to do so if any conflict with any other person happens again :’))
Thank you againn