Hey,
So I (24 f) am a pretty tidy person and care about cleanliness. I have a lot of allergies, like dust, dustmites, cats, pollen etc. you name it I probably have it. So I have a lot of rules, for example that you have to take of your shoes when entering my flat.
My roomie (23 F) is supportive but I thinks that’s also because she hates drama and tries to avoid it by any cost. I know that I sometimes can become pretty controlling when it’s something regarding tidiness and it’s something I’m trying to work on. But this story irks me the wrong way.
So like I said I have a rule regarding shoes in my/our home: I even have a cute sign at the entrance and provide slippers as well as a shoe rack to be as accommodating as possible. One of my friends (23 M) criticized the rule the first time he entered our flat. Something along the lines of: "Wow, fancy house rule now." It bothered me but I stayed polite since he took of his shoes. But during the second gathering my friend refused and kept his shoes on. He claimed "a real host wouldn’t police footwear". He then explained that it was a cultural thing. Wearing the shoes he wore that day (they were special to be honest) were part of his cultural identity. I asked him a second time. He still refused to do it and said I shouldn’t be a party pooper and just let it be. He than entered my roomies room and said I couldn’t say anything because this wasn’t my room and closed her door. I just cleaned up the floor to be safe and returned to my home to keep preparing the shindig for later that day.
When the party started he entered my room still with his shoes on, even going as far as putting them on my couch when sitting down, which in my eyes was toddler behaviour. So I just imploded. I yelled at him and told him to leave my room and the party immediatley.
A lot of my friends told me that what I did was discriminatory. That made me feel realy bad. I contacted him again. But he still hasn’t answered. Saying he needed time.
I feel like an OCD Asshole to be honest.
It is indeed a cultural thing.
Plenty of cultures have a “shoes-off” rule (not just people who have bad allergies).
Some have a “feet are obscene” rule, or at least a less-prudish sense that “taking your shoes off at someone else’s house is weird and uncomfortable.”
But almost everybody has (or should have) a “respect your host” rule, which means you are NTA in this scenario, quite apart from the legitimate health reasons you have such a rule in place.
Nta
He needs to take his fucking shoes off.
NTA – Your house, your rules. In some parts of the world it’s perfectly common to take off your shoes or at least ask “Hey, should I take them off?”.
Edit: I didn’t even see that he put his shoes on the furniture. That is such an asshole move. He’s like a petulant child
NTA. I don’t allow outdoor shoes in my house. I don’t want years of dirt and germs and fecal matter and food and bugs and bits from the street inside my home. It is completely reasonable to not want dirty shoes all over your home.
He put his shoes up on your couch? In your bedroom? That would be the end of the friendship for me. What a blatant and childish display of disrespect for a person.
no, HE’S the asshole here. we have a shoe free house as well. I did make an exception for our close friend’s elderly mother who can barely walk let alone bend over to take off her shoes.
it’s more or less customary here (Quebec) to remove your shoes in someone else’s house.
He’s not someone I would ever have in my home again. Bye bro
Absolutely NTA.
Fuck that “friend.” It was an AH move of his to walk into your room and PUT HIS FEET UP on your couch (WTAF?!?!?!).
Unless they were orthopaedic shoes that he needed to assist him in walking, he’s being a prick and you did nothing discriminatory. NTA, clean slippers would cover him with any cultural issues about bare feet.
NTA. Even if people feel weird about taking shoes off at a party… he put his shoes on your couch!
I don’t know of any culture where that’s acceptable behaviour.
He’s the a-hole… furthermore, anyone who applies the word “discriminatory” to a host asking guests to take their shoes off is an a-hole who has obviously never been discriminated against. I’m OCD and we don’t wear shoes in my apartment, but when I have a gathering I don’t ask people to take their shoes off……however I don’t think you are wrong.
NTA, he was baiting you. He clearly knew what he was doing before he even came over. He was wanting an confrontation and got it. I personal would tell the room mate he is no longer welcome if he cant respect you or your boundaries.
Many people have a no shoes policy for their home for various reasons. For some its even cultural. As a guest its is upon us to respect the host. As a host you have done a lot to accommodate your guests with options that meet your request.
NTA
Your place, your rules. Dude is a prick, and should not be invited back anyway.
NTA you follow the culture or etiquette of whoever’s the host otherwise you’re free to leave. Even if you could argue his shoes as “part of his culture”, putting them up on the couch is rude and disrespectful in any culture and warrants being kicked out. He was just bragging about manipulating you into tolerating his shoes at that point in some weird power play.
Oh please! He did this on purpose. There are no cultures which require you to put your shoes on someone’s couch. In fact most cultures would consider that rude, disgusting and even blasphemous.
He would not have been allowed in my house with shoes on. I don’t care who you are. Even trades people wear those shoe cover thingies and they are actually working.
F this guy. And for those who claim cultural insensitivity, they can F off too. I go to a Japanese temple I take off my shoes. I go to my Muslim friend’s house, I cover my hair. Basic respect. His culture is apparently being an overbearing a$$. You don’t need that.
That boy went out of his way to disrespect you in your own home yet you’re the problem? Absolutely NTA he’s not your friend stop trying to reach out to him. And don’t invite him back to your home.