My s/o goes out with his friends a couple times a week, and when he let’s me know he’s going to go somewhere, I usually say and ask the basic question like “Oh, that sounds nice, with who?” And “What time are you leaving?” Etc, and “What time will you probably be back around?” Because I want to make sure I’m free by the time he is home to have some quality time, and he started saying he feels interrogated …and that those aren’t normal questions?? I’m starting to question whether I should just stop caring and looking into it, and just let him do whatever. He knows I don’t mind if he is a bit late of the estimated time back, as long as it isn’t taking the piss, like 3 hours late. AITA for asking those types of questions?
NTA. Altho, if he feels uncomfortable, perhaps you could tone it down?
NTA sounds like normal curiosity to me as far as who and when he’s leaving. It’s good to know where someone is going and when to expect them back so you know at what point you should worry.
I’d be suspicious of why he feels that isn’t common to ask where you’re going, what you’re doing, who with. Those are pretty normal questions and show interest in a persons life. I’d be concerned he is hiding something.
I always tell my man, have fun. Come back safely. I am older than you, And this covers it all. If you live together and feel secure in my relationship, that’s all you need to say.
Nta but it’s very easy to explain “I don’t care what you do or when you’re back. I care how it impacts my evening. I’m asking so I know if I need to cook, if you need a ride if I have time to see friends,watch a movie go to the gym etc”
None of those questions are particularly interrogating but when you ask all of them about the same event, it does come across a bit like the questions a parent asks a teenager.
I get that, I only ask so I can accommodate my schedule while he is busy, though sometimes I unfortunately have to feel like a parent to him since he went on a guys holiday a few months ago, and I had asked, “When are you leaving?” And he did not know the date of departure or return ;-; or where he was staying, which sounded like a mix for disaster
NTA. Those are insanely normal questions to ask the person you live with. Not only for practical purposes, but also because it’s generally a good and normal thing to be interested in your partner’s life.
I think this is just showing general interest in his social life, but the fact that he thinks he’s being “interrogated” feels oddly defensive. I tell partners where I’m going at a minimum for safety reasons, the same way I tell my mom when I go on dates with anyone new. If I don’t come back at a specific time, I want people to know I’m MIA and not back at my intended time.
I also tell partners if I’m not coming straight home after work as a courtesy, so they’re not sitting at the house waiting for me to get home, or assuming our dinner plans are together, etc. I would expect the same from them, it’s just basic relationship decency. I would even say it’s really unusual for me to forget to mention something like that, because I’d be worried about them being worried about where I went.
Usually even when I am out, I’m at least sending a couple texts every hour, because that’s normal for me personally. Doesn’t take much empathy to see why your girlfriend would be interested in your plans.
It’s common courtesy to let one’s partner know things like this. When the one going out has a problem with it, they come off as not being mature enough to be in a relationship or is doing something they shouldn’t be.
I’m not sure you’re TA *exactly*, but I would start to feel a little interrogated as well.
One thing I think you’re making a mistake with is trying to fit quality time in on the same day as him going out. If I’m going out with friends, I prefer not to have a time I *have* to leave by, or whatever. It’s like you’re setting him a curfew.
I’m a woman, and single by choice, but I 100% get why he feels suffocated here.
“it isn’t taking the piss, like 3 hours late”
You’ve never hung out with friends and just had such a great time you’ve extended the evening? I know I have. Why is that “taking the piss”?