first post on reddit bare with me if this gets confusing. I am a 20 year old woman I have a birthday in march during spring break. I am turning 21, this is a huge birthday for me, maybe not for anyone else. anyways i get told by my future MIL that she is planning a family trip for spring break, she asked me my opinion and I immediately said “as long as im not gone on my birthday” she asked “why” and i explained something i shouldn’t even have to explain is that i want to be able to see my family. my side of the family are very tight-knit my parents, grandparents, and two older sisters. there isnt a lot of us so its important for me to see them. i told my bf to talk to her and maybe get this figured out and made sure my request to be home was acknowledged, also my bf was planning a birthday party for me with all the fun things such as a banner and a 21 sign, of course with just friends. now my birthday is on the 29th that falls on a sunday, we were planning to have my party on the 28th and eating with my family sunday. she wanted us to go for a week on this trip 21-28, he goes and tells her this and asked can we just leave disney a day early and she starts saying well we just won’t even go now so am i the asshole? also we just wanted to have party on the weekend so more people would be able to show up to the party and not have to take off of work which i wouldn’t expect anyone to do that for some stupid party but you get it.
Absolutely NTA. Even if you didn’t have a whole ass family and friend set wanting to celebrate your birthday with you, you should have say over your time.
NTA. But you don’t have to go.
NTA. Just tell them thanks for thinking of you but you already have plans. Hopefully, your boyfriend will stay back and celebrate with you. I wouldn’t entertain the comment about not bothering going at all now. I’d just ignore it. She wants you to feel bad. It’s a control thing. Celebrate the way you want to.
thank you!
She knew your bf wants to have a party for you on the 28th. She knows he probably can’t organise a whole party the day he returns home from the trip. Seems like a deliberate way for her to spoil your plans while still technically complying with your request. Her tantrum kinda proves it
You’re NTA I think it’s a compromise to leave one day early since your birthday is already planned before the Disney trip. Her saying we just won’t even go know was her just being upset and not really hearing you. She just probably felt hurt that you won’t be there the whole trip
NTA grandma is trying to manipulate you into going out of guilt
NTA
I think you made a reasonable request that you’d love to join on this trip, just not on your birthday. 21 can be an especially special birthday, and of course you’d want to spend it with family.
I will say though, sometimes trips just don’t work out for you and you have to tap out and let them go without you. It’s not the best, but others schedules might only allow for this one week to work for the trip.
NTA. She’s throwing a tantrum and being manipulative. If it means so much for her to have a family trip, she’ll do it without compromising her son’s availability to go. She’ll either adapt the schedule, pout, or find an alternative, but you? You enjoy your birthday.
Maybe you feel you don’t have to explain, but it would be nice to explain why you’re turning down a week-long vacation. She might consider you part of her family and if you have plans to celebrate your birthday with your family she would be included.
20 years old, spring break and only celebrating your birthday only on the day of your birthday. This all sounds like you’re a little young to be considering marriage.
NTA. But be prepared that MiL will always throw a temper tantrum and cancel plans if at any point she doesn’t get her way 100%.
Feels like a premonition to the kind of “MIL” you’ll be getting yourself.
Overall, NTA.
The great thing about birthdays, is you get to say what you want for it. On the day, a week later? Doesn’t matter. BUT also, tight families just care they are together. You do what feels right. IF that is the Saturday/Sunday of your birthday, do it. But you do have some wiggle room
NTA. Nothing says you can’t leave early. Let his family stay the whole time and you fly out earlier. You have every right to spend your days how you want. Go. Don’t go. It doesn’t make you TAH, it makes you an advocate of your time. No one else has to agree with you. AND MIL needs to understand that their child is creating his own family. They don’t get to decide that family vacations are a requirement.
NTA If you go to Disney after her tantrum she owns you and your social life for as long as you stay with the boyfriend and sense your calling her MIL I’m assuming you see this as a long term relationship. Don’t feel bad and set the boundary now that you will not bend to her every whim and tantrum. Trust me in the long run only you will suffer if you give into her. You have kids together forget seeing your family for holidays or those kids birthdays cause she plans it all. Forget planing your own wedding. You see where this goes.