Hi! So I am in my last year of uni and this semester is packed with assignments. I recently had 3 assignments that hade to be done/sent in I one week. So to get some motivation, I asked my boyfriend if I could get something if I passed those 3 assignments. He said yes and asked what I wanted. I told him I didn’t really care what he gave me, it’s just that the knowledge I’m going to get something that motivates me. It gave me something to work for. And he later suggested spa. I asked him if he was sure, since spa can be quite pricey sometimes. I hadn’t even thought about spa but felt really greatful for the price and the motivation given.
Now my friend says I’m using my boyfriend. I have a exam coming up, that I haven’t passed numerous times. So I told her I thought about getting myself something. I also told my boyfriend. And he immediately asked if I had any ideas, as if he intended to get me something himself. I told my friend this and she immediately said that she would have understood if I got the spa as a reward for this exam. Not the other 3 assignments that was ”easier to study to”. Now I feel bad about the spa thing as a reward for those 3 assignments. Am I wrong for even considering the spa thing after he mentioned it? Am I the asshole?
YTA
You’re not a dog. You don’t need a treat every time you do basic things that completing an assignment.
*Asking for* other people to get you a reward is also weird and entitled.
Okay this is weird
It makes sense to reward yourself after you get something done, that usually something small like getting some fast food or watch a movie not a spa day ( this is basic assignments)
Having you bf do this is just silly
Go do your assignment
YTA
I thought the same thing! OP is a uni student at that age you shouldn’t need someone else rewarding you for doing your work, you should be motivating and rewarding yourself.
God forbid a boyfriend takes their partner on a spa day.
NTA. Your boyfriend seems down for this reward system, supportive of it. Your friend can fuck off she’s just jealous she’s not getting rewarded. Keep up the good work 🫶🏽
What you need to participation trophy to do course work for a degree you’re paying for? YTA
NTA since you didn’t pressure your boyfriend and he is happy to do it. That being said, it’s very strange and I wouldn’t expect someone to “reward” me for basic parts of life. Is he going to “reward” you for going to work someday? Since this seems like something that helps you and something you’re going to need a lot of I would keep it small unless you and your bf are very well off. Even then I’d be hesitant bc you don’t want your brain incapable of doing tasks without extrinsic motivation.
YTA. Why are you putting your boyfriend in a parental role. He’s not a parent paying you for good grades. I’m saying this as someone who is on Reddit because I’m procrastinating on taking a test for school. If getting the assignments done and getting out of school isn’t enough motivation than you need to find a way to treat yourself. This shouldn’t be on your boyfriend.
YTA. He’s your boyfriend, not your dad. Putting him in the dad position by saying “Daddy, can I have ice cream if I do my homework?” is not going to be good for your relationship.
If you need treats to keep up in your classes, use your own money for them.
YTA— Are you a puppy dog or a small child? Why do you need rewards????? Yes you are an asshole.
YTA
Are you 5? Isn’t the degree the reward? You need the promise of a candy bar or something to do what you need to do to earn the reward (degree)?
YTA. You’re asking him to reward you for the things you are supposed to be doing anyway. Stop expecting gifts from your BF for just going to classes that you are literally paying for. You are paying to take these classes. Just do the assignments like an adult. Treat yourself if you succeed, but don’t ASK others to. It’s just weird.
NTA. I have ADHD and reward myself for completing assignments, like I’ll buy Pokemon cards and then tell myself I can’t open them until I finish the assignment! He offered spa, but if you feel bad or think that it’s too much maybe have that as an end of study treat as a well done, and pick a few inexpensive things to make a list of treats for your rewards!