Me and my mom had set up a dinner on saturday at her house, these are always very chill dinners, everyone helps out prepping the dinner and then we all eat and then help with the clean up afterwards.
I was actually the one to suggest this dinner because for the past week I’ve been kinda sick with gastroenteritis and I’ve selfishly craved my mom’s home cooked meals, something light and not to have to do it myself. And of course my mom rarely ever refuses because she enjoys having us around.
But apparently on saturday after lunch she got really sick, started throwing up, cold sweats, stomach ache, just either something bad she ate or her digestion stopped abruptly. Her afternoon was rough but we didn’t know any of this.
I only knew about it when at 5pm, when we (me and bf) were set to leave, my mom sends me a text to come early so I could help her make dinner because she was sick. I said okay, that we were leaving anyway so it was fine. My brother and his wife were apparently already there, my mom hadn’t even warned them that she had gotten sick. But they have a 8 month old so them helping was really not on the table.
When I got there, my mom had gotten worse, was laying in bed. I hesitated for a bit, but I thought okay I’ll make something and we can eat it here even if my mom is upstairs and can’t make it. So that’s what I did, I made some soup and a quick pasta with whatever was in the fridge. I tried asking my dad for opinions but all he said was like "we shouldn’t even be doing this", basically implying that everyone should go home.
But I was thinking "okay everyone needs to eat, even my dad, and even my mom when she gets better, so what’s wrong with already prepping something if I am already here?"
Anyway, the dinner prepping went totally fine, I made it all myself. It was when we started to eat that was the problem. I ate some leftover soup that my mom had in her fridge and immediately fell sick again (and coming off of gastroenteritis) this was not pleasant at all, I threw up, had diahrrea, threw up again, basically couldnt keep anything in my stomach for a while that night. Everyone else had a pleasant evening though. My mom even got better, and joined us eventually and helped me in the bathroom when I was throwing up. It was a whole mess.
But my brother, his wife, my boyfriend and my dad all had the food and everyone felt fine and the food was good, they said. Even my mom was back downstairs in good spirits after a while.
Anyway the reason for this post was that my dad got like super mad at my mom for not just cancelling dinner and telling us not to come in the first place. He basically didn’t speak to her for the whole day afterwards. I feel a bit responsible because I was the one making dinner and basically trying to "force" everyone staying but I was good-intentioned, I just figured that everyone had to eat anyway so what did it matter if the hostess was feeling unwell?
ESH. Everyone here sounds nuts.
NTA but Your dad might be. He needs to learn to use his words. If he wanted you to leave he should have just said so. I hope your mom enjoyed your efforts and the quiet of having your dad not speak to her.
ESH apart from the 8 month old. You’re passing stomach bugs back and forth like it’s Christmas and you all don’t think to cancel until everyone is better? With a baby there?? Your dad should have kicked the lot of you out.
Your dad was right, you shouldn’t have been doing it. And having your dad tell you that, at his home, should have stopped you.
Your mom is sick in bed. Go home and leave your parents alone.
YTA
If your dad wanted everyone to go home he should have said so. It’s his house. Tell him next time something like this happens he needs to have a conversation out loud and say what he wants, not just hint at it.
YTA, your mom was sick and throwing up, unless she completely sanitized the house down before everyone came, I guarantee EVERYONE that was there will be getting sick in the next week. Even if your mom was “feeling better” she should have kept herself and her germs upstairs away from everyone, ESPECIALLY THE BABY. It sounds like your mom is too much of a people pleaser and didn’t want to cancel on her family, but like I said, the proper thing to do would have been to look out for everyone else’s well being and just cancelled the dinner, it’s not like you hadn’t seen each other in a long time, you do this regularly from the sounds of it, just wait until everyone is healthy.
Correct me if I am wrong but like food poisoning and gastroenteritis and such are contagious SURE, but also really not that much contagious if you are just carefully to wash your hands, and hell even shower after you’ve thrown up and gone to the bathroom and are feeling better? Which I can assure you, my mom did all that. She was upstairs the whole time she was feeling sick and she cleaned up and desinfected before even coming downstairs. I also got sick and I stayed upstairs with her and then washed up before coming back downstairs to leave for the night.
Sure, it wasn’t an ideal situation lol But I don’t think that it was handled poorly. Everyone felt fine about it. No one else is sick anyway and it’s now Monday.
YTA seriously you cannot figure out that the soup gave you food poisoning, and probably your mother too. Why would someone bring a baby to a house of sickness, do your parents not have telephones. Why couldn’t your father make your mother soup, is he armless. Your father has no reason to get upset, he could have easily asked you all to leave, but it is really sad that your mother was so ill but felt she couldn’t cancel all of you.
NTA If I had to take a guess; it sounds like your mom and dad may have ongoing arguments around her slowing down. He may be frustrated because he wanted her to admit she didnt feel well and rest as opposed to pushing through. I see this a lot with ageing couples: they gain new limits and take out their frustrations on each other. I’m sure it had less to do with your choice to stay and her choice to not self regulate because when everyone else goes home he’s living with her.
YTA. This is disgusting. Making and eating a family dinner in a house with two people puking and having diarrhea. When your mom called you could’ve just arranged to meet your brother at a restaurant and dropped off food for your parents if you wanted. The show does not need to go on.
When your dad said you “shouldn’t even be doing this” did you offer to leave?
I feel nauseous even reading this.
What the fuck is this? Really?!
YTA. I don’t understand why some families are so lax about sharing sickness. Did we learn NOTHING from COVID?
I go through this with my ex and his new family. They have two infants in daycare. They are CONSTANTLY sick. Instead of doing the normal thing and not having my older kids interact with the babies, they leave them to babysit! So now I have kids with HFM that have never once gotten that before. And now I have to worry about not having PTO to take care of them. And I have to worry about my husband or I getting sick. And the added expense of doctor visits.
We should all do what we can to not spread germs everywhere. If you’re sick, stay home! If you live with someone who is sick, they should stay in bed and sanitize after themselves. It’s basic common decency.
ESH. Poor judgment all around.
Mom should have canceled when she realized she was sick. Failing that, everyone should have left when it was apparent she was too sick to host. Dad was a bit too passive about asking you to leave, but you all should have realized on your own that staying was a bad idea.
Yeah, it sucks to have to cancel plans last minute, but it’s better than risking illness. Everyone could have figured out how to feed themselves at home (takeout, frozen meals, etc). No one would have starved.