Let’s jump right into it, and you guys tell me if I am in the wrong here. I will try my best to summarize the situation. 3 years ago my brother and his family (5 children + wife) moved to a small coastal town, hoping to get a calmer way of life outside of the big city, and reduce their costs as life on the coast is cheaper.
My brother and his wife have had many jobs, and different types businesses, none have been successful so far. This makes raising their large family difficult, my father and I have helped considerably over the years. We have assisted with paying for their schooling, car problems, paying for two of the children’s births, have given them over 6,000 usd to appease angry creditors, and most recently they have had my car for over 6 months as theirs was repossessed by the bank.
Now, my father and I have moved down to the coastal town as my father wanted to retire by the beach. My father sold his home in the big city and wants to buy a home in the coastal town. Together we came up with the idea that my father could buy a large home with a flatlet on it. He could stay in the flatlet and my brother and his family could take the main house at a much reduced rent. This is so my father isn’t alone, as I plan to resume traveling abroad, and my brother and his family get a home to live in for much cheaper than market rate.
However, because of the size of their family a very big house is needed, and they requested it have a swimming pool for the kids. My father’s money from the sale of his house wasn’t enough so I offered to take out a second mortgage to get the additional needed. We found a home everyone liked and were in the process of putting together the necessary documents when I brought up having a rental agreement in place between my brother and his family and me and my dad as the ‘landlords’. My brother agreed up until the day I was meant to sign the paperwork for the mortgage. I sent him a rough draft of the rental agreement, and my brother refused to sign saying this isn’t what he agreed to and we shouldn’t need a rental agreement for family. I in turn then refused to take out a second mortgage and the offer was not signed. Now my brother is mad at me.
This is where I maybe the asshole. When we first discussed having a rental agreement in place I didn’t specify what all would go into the rental agreement, I had assumed as she was a rental agent once she knew that already. Second, I was strict in the rental agreement, I asked for a deposit (which could be paid over months), clarified what would happen if they damaged the pool, broke features of the home, left their garbage all over the garden, and the eviction process if they stopped paying the rent. The reason I put all of this into writing is because at their current rental they have done everything I mentioned above.
Extra info: Should my dad pass away my brother and I would split the house as part of our inheritance. This would be put in writing as well.
So reddit am I the asshole for not signing the rental agreement and causing the deal to fall through?
NTA. Doing what you’re doing for your sibling is a gift, and a very generous one at that. Why should he have any objection to signing an agreement that only holds him to taking reasonable care of said gift?
You’re taking out a mortgage for him.
NTA – why are you guys getting a pool? He’s already getting the place for reduced rent. Sounds like he’s just taking advantage.
Agree. Why are they asking for a pool when the house is at the beach? NTA
(edit to fix sentence and add NTA)
NTA. I would have washed my hands from financially “helping” him long ago. You want to strain your own finances further by taking out a second mortgage just to help him again? You are not the one who had 5 kids, he is, and they are his responsibility, not yours. Time to start living your own life instead of constantly rescuing him.
Nta
To be honest, it sounds like of OPs brother wasn’t around it’s just OPs family..
OP is supporting their lifestyle and kids for everything. The brother seems to have been useless at anything other than reproduction, but is completely incapable of managing his own life.
OP was 100% right to back out of the mortgage and to have it all in a written legal agreement.
OP and dad should buy a house for dad solely. Protect the father from his own son/grandkids, I can totally see, regardless of house size, the brother turning up and taking over the dads house and it pretty much being elder abuse.
I mean, holy shit. A second mortgage for a pool to appease a couple of financial vampires. WTF are you doing OP?
NTA, your brother asked for a house with a pool?!? Ever heard of “beggars can’t be choosers”? He’s 100% taking advantage
No.
They sound like deeply irresponsible people who, despite being family, have abused every bit of goodwill thrown their way.
NTA, but your brother is. The only reasom you are the A is for giving in to this immature person’s demands by taking oit a second mortgage. He doesn’t get to demand a pool after leeching money from your family for years.
He showed you what he would do: take the house for granted, destroy it and leave you and your father with the bill. You were right for not signing the deal without the rental contract.
NTA. But it seems really risky. Brother seems like a bad bet that will damage the house, not pay rent and force you to evict him; destroying any relationships you, your dad and he have. Also, if dad passes you split the house, yet you took out a mortgage, hmmm
NTA. A bit of a chump maybe but definitely NTA.
NTA. Your brother would never had pay rent or bills. You guys missed a big bullet. Best of luck on your future travels. And I hope your dad can find a nice smaller home near the beach so he can enjoy his life.
Asking for a pool was taking the piss. He dorsn’t want a rental agreement because he doesn’t want to pay rent, he intends to stay for free …. after all, why should family pay rent?
Yes you AND you father are both the AH , but not for the reason you think , for accommodating your child of a brother and his family … a fking swimming pool ! , Like he is in any position to negotiate.
You and your father need to live your own lives , your brother and his wife had made their choices , is time to leave then to those