My husband and I have 2 kids, 15 months F and 29 months M. He works full time and I stay home with them.
A local preschool started offering mommy and me classes 3 days a week. My daughter is a people person and I can tell that my son is in need of some structure and routine that a school would provide so I started taking them.
At first it was great. The teacher would take my daughter for me so I could handle my son, she was asking what activities the kids liked and set them out based on everyone’s preferences, there were activities for both ages, and my daughter got to make a bunch of baby friends.
Then the teacher started asking about my son, if he’s in any other classes or structured activities, is he speaking at home, how does he communicate at home, how do we get his attention, etc.
The week after she started asking questions, an older woman that clearly knew the teacher started coming in with her 2 grandkids. Her younger granddaughter and my daughter are both obsessed with one corner of the room and she feels the need to talk to me when I’m in that area checking on my daughter. At first it was about how she’s a semi retired pediatrician and how she only works 2 days a week now so she could be with her grandkids, then she started asking questions about my son, then she started recommending that I get him evaluated and talking about the benefits of early intervention. The woman even gave me a business card and a list of colleagues with their information.
I decided to pull the kids from that class after that since I don’t want them in an environment where we’re constantly being questioned and having medical treatments pushed on us like my kids have something wrong with them.
My husband has been asking why we haven’t been going to class since I used to send him pictures of my daughter playing with the other babies and trying to eat the finger paint and my son riding a tricycle on the outdoor area and playing in the tunnel toys in the room. I told him about the teacher’s constant questions, then a pediatrician that apparently is very close with the teacher suddenly showing up and recommending assessments and talking about early intervention.
He thinks we should still go and at least try the assessments but I refuse to go to a class where we have medical treatments pushed on us based on judgements that the teacher is not qualified to make.
AITA for refusing to take the kids back to that class because the teacher feels qualified to say there’s something wrong with my son and brought in a doctor to recommend treatment
You thought your son needed structure but got offended when professionals tried to get you to determine how much structure he might need?
I mean, the grandmother, sure, tell her you’re not interested in her suggestions. But turning you nose up at the teacher for caring about your son’s development is kinda crazy.
YTA. Your whole post is extremely defensive. It sounds like some people noticed that something might be off about your son, and you don’t want to see it. The questions you quoted about speech and attention are things that are targeted at actual issues that might be showing. They weren’t offering “medical treatments.” They were recommending evaluation, and intervention isn’t medical per se. It’s behavioral.
If the had been straight up diagnosing him and recommending woo-woo stuff, or if they weren’t actually knowledgeable in this area, I could maybe see your point. But you’re talking about a pediatrician and an early childhood teacher. They’re supposed to point this stuff out, because early intervention DOES make a huge difference.
No one wants to hear something might be unexpected about their child. But YTA for being angry and avoiding it, and you’ll definitely be TA if you don’t take your son for a real evaluation.
They are also not saying something is “wrong” with him. Those evaluations could be super beneficial to OP and her husband to just help understand how both of her kids function and better understand their needs. Especially while they are at a stage where they may not be able to properly communicate those needs themselves.
As someone who wishes their parents would have intervened when I was younger, rather than me having to deal with it in my 20’s, I’m gonna say a soft YTA. I know it’s difficult when unsolicited is given, BUT it isn’t uncommon for teachers to comment on the development of children and make recommendations. If they are bringing it up, they may be seeing something you’re not. The comments you made about them asking about his speech and what not makes me think he may be a little behind. Not the end of the world, some kids need a little help!
I wished someone had noticed something with my oldest son when he was young. Maybe we could have been better equipped to handle the fact he is on the spectrum (something we did not realize until he was an adult). He is fully functioning, but struggled so much in school because he did not believe he should have to do the school work if he was making straight A’s on the exams. Why prove he knows it daily when he proves it during exams?
That was the biggest struggle. Parenting him was a challenge the older he got. He is extremely intelligent and was very advanced for his age, but he did not see things the same way as we did.
I understand where you are coming from, but at the same time I would have loved for someone better qualified to have let me know that my son was even more special than even I realized. I still think he is one of the best people in the world.
Gently, YTA. If both a teacher and a doctor (who are trained to notice these things) are suggesting it, you need to take a step back and consider it. Why would you not do everything you can to help your son succeed? I understand it may be hard to hear especially if you’re not used to neurodivergent people but you’re making this about your hurt feelings and not your son.
Also do we know for sure she “brought the doctor in to recommend treatment” or are you assuming that based on your emotions?
YTA. You have a nonverbal 15 month old and you are refusing to take him to see a doctor because what, a mommy and me teacher noticed your toddler doesn’t talk? Take your kid to a doctor. Early intervention does make a big difference.
YTA. 2 experts with positive intentions have recommended early help for your child, and you aren’t getting it because of your ego. I am a teacher and a parent of an autistic child. I am on the spectrum myself. Getting help and tools early would have made my life 1000% easier. Understanding how and why I was just a little different than my peers would have made me a happier and more confident child. You are stealing all that from your kid based on your own ego. YTA
Yes, YTA. If the teacher noticed something, which they are TRAINED to do, you are being neglectful by not following up on it. Worst case scenario, they were wrong, you’re right, and you’ve been annoyed and wasted some of your time. Best case scenario, your son IS delayed in some way, or on the spectrum, and you’ve gotten him help early enough that it’ll make the most difference. Put aside YOUR ego and do what’s best for your child.
YTA and doing a disservice to your son
Gently, YTA.
Look, I know it can be hard to hear that something might not be quite lining up for your child, but there is no harm at all in discussing it with your child’s pediatrician, looking into what testing your insurance might cover, and exploring your options. No child is harmed by their adults exploring whether they might need additional help, but many children are harmed by their adults refusing to explore the possibility and being offended by those trying to help.
YTA 100%.
YTA first off because you are acting like if your child does need a sort of early intervention the child will be “less than.” Coming from another parent of a child who needed intervention, What is so freaking wrong about a little one getting that extra little bit of help? Secondly you are not giving your husband much say here when it is his children just as much as yours.
Grow up, and start actually looking at what is best for your children and not your ego. Sorry not sorry.
Nothing is being pushed on you. They are giving recommendations, because a kid with autism or ADHD that has accommodations for that from the start is easier to handle, easier to raise, and much happier as an adult.
Sincerely, an autistic person that wishes he knew much earlier how his brain works.
YTA. Get your kids assessed.
YTA, YTA, YTA.
You better get ready to homeschool your son because when he starts school, the teachers are going to flag the same issues and you’re going to find yourself in the same position.
What I’m saying is harsh but you should know that I have been where you are. I have been that mom. I, too, was TA.
You are not too good to have a kid with a disability. Nobody was pushing a medical treatment on you. PreK teachers are ABSOLUTELY knowledgeable enough to recommend evals for atypically developing kids. Your kids are not so perfect that they will never require extra help to learn skills. They are not broken or damaged or lesser because they’re slow to speak or interact with others appropriately. You gotta park that ego. You do what you need to get your kids what they need.
And BTW if your kid is developmentally delayed, pulling him from playgroups and peer interaction and keeping him alone at home is the WORST thing you can do for him.
Again, been there. I have never regretted a single therapy or intervention we got for our kids — who are now thriving. My only regret now is that I didn’t start soon enough.