AITA for asking my dad to chew with his mouth closed?

I don’t usually post anything on the internet, let alone something as unimportant as this (esp compared to some of the other stories) but here we go:

I hate the sound of people eating. I hate smacking lips, I hate the sound of people swallowing- I think even in high school I’d brace myself whenever someone would take a drink of water. It’s not anyone’s fault, people make sounds when they eat, I get it. So far I’ve been able to deal with it just fine, it’s just a part of life. Recently, though, I feel like it’s been getting worse, particularly with my dad. Every time he eats or snacks I hear it, even from another room (maybe not as loudly, clearly, but I still hear it). I’m not sure how acceptable it is to smack lips or chew with your mouth just a bit open, I mean sure it’s not the best manners but it’s not a crime or something. People do it, I get it. I’ve tried to deal with being around him and just bear through it, but my reactions to it are getting worse. I was thinking about how to bring it up for at least a week before this happened, maybe taking him aside or being discreet about it (probably overthinking things but what are ya gonna do, right?).

That wasn’t how things played out, though. We were in the kitchen, both my mom and sister present when I just asked him: "Hey, dad? Could you please chew with your mouth closed?" This didn’t go over well. He immediately frowned (if you’ve ever experienced the dad-frown, you can imagine) and took offense. I knew it would happen if I did that, loud chewing is just one of those things you tolerate to be polite, but I just outright asked him to chew with his mouth shut. I apologized, of course, and asked if I could speak to him privately (probably should have done that to begin with) and I explained my feelings about this to him. He guessed if I started feeling this in the past 6 months, I don’t know if I really had the wherewithal to answer properly so I just said yes. Going off of that he said it was probably something to do with anxiety and suggest I talk to someone about it. I mentioned these feelings make me feel like a dick, and he said that I kind of was, since bringing up his chewing like that hurt his feelings (I don’t know if he knew I was talking about the broader picture here?). He said he’d be more mindful of his chewing, we hugged it out and that was that.

Thing is, it’s been over a week since that happened and he’s changed nothing. I can still hear him every time. I know I haven’t reached out to any psychiatrist or therapist or anything like that about it, so I guess I haven’t done anything to deal with this, either. It just feels like I shouldn’t have bothered saying anything. Being 22 living with my parents also factors in, I’m living in their house rent-free and talking to them about their fucking manners of all things. I feel like a dick, and I need some insight into this. AITA?

12 thoughts on “AITA for asking my dad to chew with his mouth closed?”
  1. Your question wasn’t that bad, assuming thats the way you answer it with calm tone and everything

    Your Dad is TAH

  2. Sounds like misophonia – not uncommon. Perhaps giving him some links/reading material on the condition will help him understand, and then as a family you can work out some appropriate measures – things like eating separately, not sitting next to your Dad/the “worst offenders”, having some light music/white noise in the background, etc.

  3. I would have a seizure ( not actually ), I cannot stand hearing that . It’s rude , it’s gross and he is a pig

  4. I feel you. My narcissistic father has always chewed with his mouth open and it makes me want to claw out my ears. When I was younger, I tried to ask him to stop and it only made him mad. Now, as an adult, when I do have to eat with him, I try to position myself as far away from him as possible

    NTA

  5. Melissa Gilbert has misophonia and it has caused all kinds of problems in her life. It’s very hard to deal with. Your dad needs to make an effort. Try educating him about misophonia. If he isn’t willing to try, eat in your room.

  6. NTA

    My partner chews with their mouth partly open and it drives me absolutely nuts. The thing is though, the roof of their mouth is quite narrow which makes chewing hard. I keep telling them to take smaller bites but it doesn’t help.

  7. It’s called misophonia, I have it as well and have had the exact same issue as you. I ended up having to excuse myself from the table because I couldn’t take it and didn’t want to start a fight. NTA

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