I have a small friend group that meets up every few weeks for dinner or drinks. One of my closest friends, “Anna,” had a baby about two years ago, and for the last several months she’s been bringing her toddler to nearly every hangout.
At first it was fine, and we all understood she was adjusting to motherhood. But lately, it feels like every get-together turns into a playdate instead of an adult catch-up. The conversations are constantly interrupted, she leaves early, and the atmosphere has totally changed.
Last weekend, I messaged her privately and said I miss having adult time with her, and maybe we could plan something just for us now and then. She got really quiet and later sent a long message saying I was being unfair, unsupportive, and “excluding her as a mum.”
Now the rest of the group is kind of split. Some think I was right to bring it up, others think I should’ve just accepted that things are different now.
So… AITA for asking for some child-free time with a friend who’s now a parent?
NTA. I totally understand that feeling. As an adult it’s absolutely fair to want adult time with friends and go do adult things.
Info: Does she have a partner helping her with the kiddo?
INFO: Is there a father in the picture to watch the toddler? Or can she afford a babysitter? Based off just your post, I’d say NTA. It’s not unreasonable to want to have time with your friends as just adults. Having kids around always changes what you can talk about.
NTA. You merely asked for adult only time once in awhile. She chose to make herself a victim. From now on don’t invite her once in awhile, or invite *her* and ask her to get a sitter, or plan things at places that don’t allow kids.
So much missing context.
INFO: Is Anna a single mother? Does she have any childcare help? Do others in the group have kids? Where are these hangouts-someone’s home, restaurants or bars?
It’s AI.
NAH.
You’re not wrong for missing adult time with your friend. It’s reasonable to want occasional child-free hangouts.
At the same time, her life genuinely revolves around her toddler right now, and she may not have reliable childcare or may feel anxious leaving her child.
Asking for “sometimes” adult time isn’t exclusion — it’s balance. The key is flexibility on both sides. Friendships change when kids enter the picture, but that doesn’t mean they can’t adapt.
Question: why can’t the baby stay with dad?
NTA – I’m a mom of two and I’d never bring an infant to an event where my single friends were drinking. That would be a drag for them. I can see doing it in a pinch if the babysitter backed out at the last minute, but otherwise, she should have found a sitter or declined the invitation.
Your friends that say that you should accept that her life is different now have it exactly backwards. SHE needs to accept that things are different now, and that means skipping some events that aren’t child friendly.
NTA, toddlers don’t belong at an adult get-together.
I’m a parent and no way would I bring my child to every adult group hangout. I realize that kids will interrupt and need attention. Your NTA for asking her to limit her bringing her child out with you guys. Bars, drinking, that would not be a place where I would think it was okay to take mine. That’s for adults not 2 year olds.
NTA. When my kids were little, I hated it when I was trying to get out for the night and someone else brought their kid. She can find a babysitter or she can miss it. Occasionally it’s fine but never when people are drinking.
>small friend group that meets up every few weeks for dinner or drinks
Every few weeks? Then I guess I don’t really blame her for bringing her toddler often BUT
>She got really quiet and later sent a long message saying I was being unfair, unsupportive, and “excluding her as a mum.”
Where is her kid’s father? Could she not leave the kid with her partner/spouse/co-parent for a few hours on a weekend perhaps? And for her to say you’re excluding her for being a mom or being unsupportive is totally uncalled for. You’re not wrong for wanting to have some actual talking time with your friends without your friend’s attention on her kid the entire time. Just kinda annoying to be around sometimes so I get it.
NTA.
NTA. Having a child doesn’t mean that everyone has to know embrace your kid at every event. If she wants her life to be completely taken over by her child and have no time for herself, that’s completely fine and her choice. However, she doesn’t have a right to disrupt the groups plans to suit her.
She can feel excluded if she makes herself excluded. Does this child not have a father? A grand parent? A sitter? She can figure this out.