I’ve been growing small seedlings as a learning tool for a class I’m taking in university. Over the last two months, I’ve been learning everything from scratch, figuring out how much water, light, heat, etc these tiny things need.
The only place I’ve found where they actually grow past the cotyledons and develop a second set of leaves is unfortunately on our kitchen island. They’re growing in a small petri dish, I water them 2x/day, shift them around as the sun moves, and finally got to see the start of a second set of leaves yesterday.
Today I woke up to a petri dish full of loose dirt. In his morning rush to make food, my husband had knocked the petri dish off of the island, and scooped all the dirt back in haphazardly, then left.
I woke up ~4 hours later, and by this point the plants had already withered from being buried under the dirt.
I expressed my hurt, my husband apologized, and then implied it was my fault for having the plants on the island. I explained that I understand it’s not a convenient spot, but that this is the only place they actually grow.
He’s now saying we need to work together on finding a new spot for them. This is far from the first time his carelessness has destroyed something I care about. Because of that, I told him that no, *we* don’t need to do anything. That if he intends in moving them, he gets to ensure the new spot suits their needs.
AITA for refusing to engage in problem solving over a problem I don’t think I created?
Also open to suggestions on how to keep these things alive in other places.
Info- what do you mean by “I’m so tired of cleaning up after his mistakes.” Does he regularly knock things over/makes messes around your home?
Yes. He’s quite clumsy/careless, and regularly knocks things over or misjudges safety. Some examples off the top of my head:
– didn’t properly anchor a shelf into the wall, leading to the death of 3 plants and their pots shattering
– didn’t properly anchor a projector screen into the ceiling, it fell down and gave me a concussion
– had agreed to help bring some rocks inside that were water soluble, completely forgot, and the rocks (salt-like crystals and gems) got ruined by water damage
Curious, does he ever suffer the consequences of his carelessness, or just you?
YTA.
I would say that there are places in which due to high traffic and usage, there are higher chances for accidents to happen.
For example, if you found that your seedlings grew best in the middle of the stairs of your home and put them there, would you still blame your husband for knocking your petri dish over from simply going up or down the stairs?
It is your responsibility to secure the safety of your plants that would not be impacted by normal comings and goings and movement that is expected in such environment.
ESH
His ongoing carelessness is definitely a problem that needs addressing.
But unilaterally commandeering a communal food prep place for delicate plant growing is also not okay (as is refusing to discuss that because you’re mad about his general carelessness).
I agree. I have literally thousands of tiny plants growing in my home, but they’re on shelves with LED shop lights set on timers. No plants in the way of regular daily movement. Husband still shares responsibility for being clumsy/careless. ESH.
But you did create the problem by leaving a science experiment on the island. And a Petri dish is one of your key problems.
NTA tis your house, too, you can use the space as you need it. Do they take up the whole thing? Is this the only counter space in your kitchen? Can he make his damn sandwich on another counter?
What if you put them all in a shallow box so the whole thing could be moved quickly, easily, and safely?
If he’s regularly destroying things that you value, he does not value you.
If he regularly knocks over things, when was the last time he had an eye exam or sight check. Had a similar clumsy spell which turned out to be perception loss.
Ask him if a work colleague accidentally destroyed a project by knocking it over and mishandling it in an attempt to fix it he would be livid. You explained this is to help you learn for a university class as in this was a educational tool.
If the kitchen island is suddenly not ideal for him would he be prepared to split costs for a basic storage shelf unit along with other plant growing supplies. Either he’s happy to spend money to free up the kitchen island or the kitchen island is essentially a temporary plant growing area for your short term learning product.
Would it be cutting corners for your course if you refer to other people besides your teacher. Have a bit of a black thumb but enjoy watching the YT channel Plants in Jars which specialises in plant cloning using tissue culture
>This is far from the first time his carelessness has destroyed something I care about.
Otherwise called weaponized incompetence.
Maybe it’s time to rehome your husband.
I truly don’t get all the asshole judgements. This is a PETRI dish on a kitchen island. It is small and in an area that would regularly have glasses, cups and other items on it.
I keep our canisters on our island and everyone is aware and doesn’t knock them over. From time to time so we don’t forget stuff, people will place an item there so it is in the line of vision and not forgotten.
In this case, husband knew the dish was there, he wasn’t careful and knocked it over. He haphazardly scooped the contents up and left it to be dealt with hours later knowing OP is super careful with them. AT MINIMUM he should have told OP right away so they could tend to the fallen contents. Instead, husband said nothing and left. As a result, the seedlings withered. He didn’t take accountability and just left the damaged contents buried in the soil KNOWING how important the contents were.
Perhaps a new place for the dish is in need. Perhaps an adhesive to the island would help. Husband was aware and made an error. However, he didn’t take accountability and tell OP about the damage and that is the part that put husband into ah territory. That lack of communication is the important part. OP could have salvaged the seedlings but due to not being informed didn’t even have a chance.
YTA. When I found out that my SO had some very precious glassware that he kept leaving near the corner of the kitchen counter, I helped him find another place for it and asked him to be more careful.
I’m a klutzy person, he married me. Some accommodation is going to have to be made and that’s on both of us.
Unless he regularly destroys your stuff?
NTA, you’re allowed to use the surfaces of your own home.
It’s one thing that he was careless, but he also didn’t let you know that he knocked it over. If he was in a rush to work, he could have texted or yelled into the bedroom to tell you to check on it.
He should offer to assist setting it up again, since his haphazard “fix” didn’t really fix anything. Then the two of you can use a box or tape or something to secure it and make it easier to see. Thats what you do when you mess up on accident. You apologize, do the best you can to make it right, and put something in place to prevent it from happening again.