My wife shares her location with her family, and sometimes her friends. I really never thought much about it. I don’t share my location with her which she has never liked. I personally don’t like it, freaks me out to be tracked 24/7.
The issue was earlier this week. I needed surgery and I wanted to keep everything private. I didn’t even tell my own mom and dad. My wife agreed not to share with anyone either
It was on Monday and everything went overall well until my wife’s mother showed up. She apparently noticed my wife was at the hospital and when she didnt pick up, came down.
She thought my wife was hurt. It became a big thing and basically everyone on my wife side was told that someone was in the hospital.
My own mom and dad were contracted and I had to explain the situation. I hated this.
It is clear to me that if my wife is tracked 24/7 than I am being tracked. I hate that this whole situation got out because people knowing my wife’s location.
My wife and I got into an argument and I don’t want her sharing her location anymore with her mother or family 24/7. She is calling me controlling and a dick.
I am point out it is invading my own privacy… and she needs to cut the string on her mom
NTA. Maybe it’s a generational thing, but I find the whole location tracking thing really invasive and I am flabbergasted that people don’t mind it. It’s not about having something to hide, it’s about respecting people‘s privacy and not wanting to have big brother watching you every second of the day.
Generational and situational IMO. There are families, such as mine, who used it as a safety if one of us suddenly stopped communicating and became unreachable without warning. For a good while when I struck out on my own my folks had access to my location via Find My Friends. If they snooped on me, I never knew it as I was NEVER questioned or judged about where I went at any given moment. We still use it today, though its more manual since now its a mix of android and iphone users. When I travel, i send a share link to people just in case something happens. If anyone every used that to interrogate me or someone i was with about where I was, id stop using it. That’s an overreach.
weird that she thinks you’re controlling, but not her family who apparently NEED to know where she is every minute. NTA.
And she can’t see it’s weird that they are actually checking her location on the daily rather than in an emergency. Then making an emergency out of nothing.
This is the big point that a lot of people are missing. MIL called, daughter didn’t answer, so she checks daughter’s location, drives to said location. There are countless reasons why daughter could be at the hospital, and only one reason why MIL should show up: if she’s invited to.
Why is there the expectation that because someone isn’t immediately available to you every time you call they must then be stalked to see where they are and how dare they not reply the second i call!!! Phones should be a tool not a slave device. Her daughter is a married woman, it’s creepy and infantilizing.
NTA at all. You explicitly wanted privacy for your surgery (even from your own parents) she agreed, but her mom’s constant access meant she could track your wife straight to the hospital and spread the word. You’re asking for some boundaries that should stay personal. If she sees that as controlling, maybe explain how it’d feel if your location led her family to show up uninvited at her appointments.
NAH. Mom is the asshole. You and your wife are victims of her assholery. Don’t try to win the mom war in one salvo, just doesn’t work like that. But you can get a great victory if you point out just how unreasonable and absurd it was for her to not only show up but tell other people. What if your wife was just with a co-worker? Why is your mom checking your location randomly??
The mom wins if you let this become a wedge btw you and your wife. Thats what she wants.
Question: did you get a phone call from Mom? Cause if Wife doesn’t pick up, shouldn’t the first call be to you if Mom thinks Wife is in hospital?
NTA
Now that it’s the two of you, you both need to prioritize the family you’ve made, not the family from whence you came. If you are not comfortable with being tracked via proximity to your wife, then she needs to stop the tracking when you are together. She’s welcome to resume when she is by herself.
This whole thing is really weird to me – why do grown adults need to constantly share their location with other grown adults? I don’t get it.
NTA. You didnʻt make a big deal out of the location tracking until her family made it into a big deal!
Her mom tracked you two down at the hospital and told the whole extended family, including \*your\* parents, that you were in the hospital. WTF! That is a ridiculous invasion of your privacy.
Maybe thereʻs a compromise position where your wife turns on location tracking only when she leaves the house alone. But Iʻm really not sure why she thinks everyone needs to know her location all the time in the first place. Sheʻs not a teenager anymore (I assume).
Yeah MIL is definitely in the wrong for that.
Everyone is bashing OP for wanting to keep things private. Thats his right. Its not keeping secrets or whatever. Its a two way street.
NTA
They are not sharing locations theoretically for safety, her mom actually checked her location without reason and invaded your privacy. This is not a safety measure, it’s a spying and controlling device on her mom’s part.
While it’s nice for emergencies it’s VERY CLEAR that OP’s mother in law looks at her location ALL THE TIME, almost as if it were recreation.
Nta, but the issue isnt really the location sharing .its the almost stalker behavior of her mother.
We have location sharing on for our family but its almost never looked at, and when it is.. 9 times out of 10 its because we were all getting together to do something and someone is late. Someone would check to see how far out the person is.
At a minimum, your wife needs to turn off location sharing when you guys are doing something together. If her mother fusses then she needs to be told thats a consequence of showing up to the hospital and then blabbing to everyone.