My sister just got out of a bad relationship, but she was financially dependent on her boyfriend. She is looking for a job right now and needed a place to stay for a little bit to get back on her feet.
My husband and I were happy to help and didn’t think anything of it when she said her cat would come with her. Fast forward to two weeks being with us, and her cat has peed everywhere in our basement. It’s on our guest bed, couches, our children’s toys, etc. She has “cleaned it up” when it happens, but it smells absolutely awful down there.
We are going to need to throw away a bunch of our kids stuffed animals, replace our couch, and possibly get new carpets, If we can’t get the smell out. Part of the basement is our kids play room, and it’s disgusting to have a cat like that ruining their things. The last straw was when she left the basement door open, and her cat peed in our living room and tore down one of our new curtains. I told her the cat needs to go or she does.
She is trying to lay a guilt trip on me about how the cat is all she has right now, and I know she is going through a hard time, but I cannot continue to live like this.
The cat is likely very stressed. Has your sister tried any pheromone diffusers or calming powder or anything? I have a foster cat right now that pees on things and I have some special sprays and laundry liquid to add in that kills the smell off pretty well, but I definitely understand the frustration.
I have no idea what she’s tried. I noticed it after a few days of her being here. She assured me “this never happens” and said it must just be a few days of adjusting to a new place. It continued to happen, and around 1 week I was starting to get very frustrated, but she said it was happening less, the cat was starting to settle in, and the smell was just from what happened before. She said she would buy some pet stain odor remover and get rid of it. At 2 weeks the smell is unbearable and there has been even more property damage. It’s so gross. I just don’t know how pheromones would help when the basement reeks of cat piss. Maybe if she had started out with it, but until I replace the carpets, toys, and couch, the cat will smell it and keep peeing there, and there is no way I’m replacing those things before the cat leaves.
As someone who has dealt with cat urine issues before, some of them VERY bad, I suggest Rocco and Roxie brand’s extreme formula. It’s one of the few things that actually WORKS, though it has a very strong scent of its own. The carpet might be a loss, especially if it’s into the padding, but you can probably save the toys and maybe the couch depending on the material and locations.
No guest has the right to takeover your house. Voice your requirements if she is to be allowed to stay and let her make her decision. She’s family but she’s an adult too and can be spoken to without being overly concerned about hurt feelings. It’s a cat, not a child.
A cat exhibiting this kind of behavior is in distress. It is a trauma behavior relating to being territorial. I feel really bad for the poor cat.
I totally get what you are feeling. I would like to say at this point, the damage is done. tell her she will need to pay you back for the damage the cat has rendered upon your basement, and let the beast stay, I’m guessing there isn’t anything more for him to ruin down there
failing that, you could set the cat up with a cat crate for the timebeing, at least for when he isn’t being directly supervised.
There is still a lot in the basement that the cat can ruin. The deeper it gets into the carpet and floor, the more expensive it will be to replace. My entire kids playroom is down there. It’s the big family area downstairs, so I can’t block it off. We tried a crate and the cat yowls the whole time very loudly.
She will absolutely not be able to pay me back for this stuff. She has no money, that’s why she’s here. The damage is worth a lot. I just want her in her own place asap. Her being in debt to me would ruin our relationship. I consider what I’m doing for her a gift, but I’m done with the cat.
The cat needs to go to the vet. This could be bc of stress, but it could also be a sign of a serious health issue. Is the cat locked down there alone all the time or what’s the deal? I think you’re not the asshole for not wanting the cat to ruin your stuff, but at the same time if your sister was really in such an awful relationship it seems cruel to force her to get rid of her cat which probably does feel like all she has, or face further instability in her housing and life in general. I think there are a lot of other solutions that could come before rehoming her cat.
With what money though? She has none. I consider what I’m doing for her a gift by letting her stay here while she finds a job, and I know she will never be able to (or just wont) pay me back for the damage. I have accepted that, but I can’t afford to take on the responsibility for paying for her cat’s vet visits and medical treatment on top of what I’m already doing for her. That’s another reason to reevaluate pet ownership imo because she cannot afford her cat. I’m not her new boyfriend that is just going to foot her expenses. It already took so much to convince my husband to let her come at all.
NTA, let her find someplace else for the cat.
NAH
Poor cat. I totally feel for you though, cat pee is nasty.
This kitty’s behavior is typically related to a cat that is panicking and doesn’t feel any control over their environment. The peeing is an attempt to claim territory when they feel like it could be taken away at any moment. The cat has no idea why they suddenly lost their home and is desperately trying to do anything not to lose this one (which is ironic considering the possible outcome)
Basically it’s like the neglected kid that hides food under their bed because they don’t trust that it will be there tomorrow. The food may end up rotting if they took it out of the fridge but they are not making decisions rationally at that point, they don’t understand the hoarding is not making them safer.
I don’t blame you for not wanting this cat in your house because of the damage, but also realistically this cat would be euthanized if it ends up in a shelter. A cat that already has severe trauma from losing a home is not going to cope with losing an owner. Is that something you can live with? Not intended as a guilt thing, just wanting you to make an informed choice that the alternative is not “cat finds a new happy family”.
I personally would confine the cat to a room with some items that smell like them and use some enzyme cleaner on everything I can. Maybe the vet can prescribe some medication for the cat to make them feel less anxious? Trauma is not something that is easily fixed but maybe it’s a start
INFO- What specific steps have been taken by her (or you) to prevent this issue? What steps are being taken to clean? Has the cat been taken to the vet to rule out medical issues? What has been done to make the cat more comfortable in its new environment?
Without more info I’m leaning toward ESH. Her for leaving the door open and also potentially being too lax about the situation. You for thinking 2 weeks is an appropriate timeframe for a distressed animal to adjust. Everyone, including yourself, needs to be aware that while inconvenient this has likely been a large adjustment for the cat as well and 2 weeks is not very long for them to develop a new routine and sense of safety in their environment. Pets are not toys to be discarded when things get hard. There is certainly a line that exists, but 2 weeks is simply not enough time before giving up when it comes to animals. I understand and appreciate your intention in trying to help your sister and this is also not your cat -BUT- I do feel that it’s silly to allow a pet to come into your home and not expect potential issues for a while. Cat urine is indeed a large problem but that’s also part of the risk of owning or housing cats. They are notorious for marking out of anger, fear, anxiety, etc. This cat is showing clear signs of distress and at this point the damage is already done if it’s bad enough that things will be needing to be replaced. Get some enzyme cleaners for cat urine. It will help with the smell. Clean as well as possible (and keep up on it) while you give it more time. Get some pheromone diffusers, calming supplements, new toys, etc. Make a plan with your sister so she can replace things or at least contribute to the cost for replacing things in the future once she’s more financially stable. This is a frustrating situation for you and technically you are never in the wrong for setting boundaries in your own home but, your expectations for this situation were not realistic and that part is on you. I guess you have to weigh what you value more- helping your sister (including her cat) or keeping your sanity and clean home? For encouragement, I had a cat that started peeing places after a move once. Ended up having to get her some new toys, herbal calming treats and a temporary anxiety medication from the vet. After that visit, she never did it again. There are definitely options here and while I’m sorry about your basement, you are a good sister for trying to help! I’m sure your sister is appreciative of that and probably also feels pretty bad about ruining your stuff on top of all of it. I had someone let me stay at their home for a while once (cat included). It really saved my mental health and my entire life. Hopefully you two can find some solutions because while I think you have been unrealistic with expectations I also think your heart is in the right place