So for context I am quite good at the game, I play regularly and against good opponents, 2 of which are in my country’s nationals.
So I went on a date with a girl last Saturday, went to a pool bar as she had mentioned she likes playing Pool. I said I know a spot, I picked her up at her place and we went to the bar, we got some drinks, settled and then we played our first game, I was taking it easy just enjoying the moment, we played a few more rounds then ate, while talking I mentioned the 2 mates of mine who play nationals, so she then said "Next game, don’t go easy on me"
We played a few more I made it a bit more challenging for her to win, nothing impossible, just a bit more of a challenging game, and just before we left around 10-11pm, we racked one last game and I decided to just play it normally, I cleared the table on the break, not to show off, but just for fun.
We finished our drinks, and I paid the bill and we left, on the ride back to her place she was extremely quiet, like noticeably less talkative, I thought nothing of it, she must have been tired. I dropped her off and went home.
When I got home I saw a message from her saying:
"I asked you not to go easy on me, but I didn’t mean turn it into a statement. It honestly felt a bit like an ego thing at the end, and it made me uncomfortable"
I was taken aback by the message, and haven’t heard from her since after sending her a message explaining it was nothing of the sorts
The last game wasn’t me trying to show off or anything of the sort, I had a good break, sunk 2 stripes and had good positioning on the rest of them, seeing as she said don’t go easy, I just played it out how I normally would
AITAH?
Mild YTA
>”Next game, don’t go easy on me”
>
>We played a few more I made it a bit more challenging for her to win, nothing impossible, just a bit more of a challenging game, and just before we left around 10-11pm, we racked one last game and I decided to just play it normally, I cleared the table on the break, not to show off, but just for fun.
She asked you not to hold back. You continued to hold back, and she probably ended up feeling confident and good about herself. If you had just immediately not held back, I think she’d be TA for reacting poorly to what she asked for. What you did, though, was give the illusion of what she asked for and then pulled the rug out from under her. It was probably embarrassing and it probably felt like being messed with.
It doesn’t really sound like it should be a big deal, but are you TA of the situation? Yeah. Moreso than anyone else. FWIW she doesn’t sound fun, though.
I had to look for this answer. YTA for toying with her. She said don’t hold back and you still did then you just through in an “FU I’ve been pretending this whole time but I want to make sure you know how good I really am” at the end. That would give me the ick too. Not that you’re good, that you babied me all night and then still had to show off at the end. You should have played to your strength when she first told you too. Then she may have been impressed rather than embarrassed that you continued to lie about your skills.
I like this take better than all of the NTA opinions. The situation seemed more nuanced than just “shes a sore loser” but yeah, she should have just taken it on the chin. Slightly annoying, but nothing to cry about.
Well, I’m not going to call you an *asshole* for it, but you have to ask yourself, was it worth it? Is it better to win at pool, or to keep your date happy?
NTA
You should have given her a heads-up as to how good you are when she asked that you not go easy on her. And then immediately played your best rather than giving her the illusion she was nearly in your league.
She very possibly feels played which isn’t a great takeaway on a first date. Alternatively, she might question how honest you are or is this was some less than subtle alpha play.
If this was a first date I might be amused or I might be pissed depending on how I perceived your attitude & motivations.
Are you the AH? Solid maybe. Your recounting strikes me as somewhat disingenuous.
This. After the “don’t go easy on me” you kept going easy on her and gave her false confidence. Then right before you left, you took it all away and made her feel stupid instead.
NTA, but really on the technicality of it.
I’m certain as an average pool player, she had no idea how good you have to be to be competitive and therefore didn’t know how good you actually were to be playing against those types of players.
Did she ask for it? Yes. But was that what she really wanted? No, probably not.
IMHO, what you should have done was occasionally sink a few clearly tricky/difficult shots, but otherwise just play at a level that allowed her to have fun, allowed you to show off just a little bit, and left her feeling like she had a fun time playing, regardless of how much she asked you not to go easy on her.
Running the table on the last game like that could easily be interpreted as an ego game where you were making the point that you could have walked all over her, thus making her feel like she never had a chance at all the entire night and you were just hustling her. That may have been perfectly true, but nobody likes having it rubbed in their face that you could have trounced them anytime you felt like it.
Over time would have been the best way to let her realize your actual skill level, like if she got to the point to come watch you play competitively.
Next time, either tell your date up front how good you are or play the game using your opposite hand. She should have known up front that running the table is something you regularly do. Let her decide if she still wants to play a game where she is at such a disadvantage.
I vote more awkward than asshole.
There was a time when I, a young girl, would invite dudes on dates to a physical activity I was above average at. I would ask them to dress comfortably and wear athletic shoes and then I would play my heart out. I thought it was good to see if they could follow directions, handle losing with grace, and even if the date was a dud I’d still have had a great time
I was dating one of the single most impressive men I’d ever met – he was drop dead gorgeous, had a chemistry PhD and was finishing up medical school on a full ride scholarship with plans to go into something arcane like surgery or nephrology. He was built to be a runner but had taken up serious body building. Friends, he was so beautiful and out of my league but he hadn’t been free to come on my outing so it was a few months of dating before he saw me do my activity. And even though he was *so* impressive he told me that if I’d sprung that kind of skill difference on him he wasn’t sure he would have seen me again.
I spent some time thinking about that and realizing the one sided nonsense of inviting my dates to do something I was absolutely going to school them on, even if they showed an interest, and I never did it again. It feels weird and unfair, *especially if they show an interest*, but no one wants to get schooled on a date and absolutely never a first date
NTA but this is a learning experience. Reflect and grow, OP
I love this story, cause it’s so true. Dates are opportunities to spend time with someone and get to know them – everyone should be having fun. Being ambushed is not fun, even if you can clearly see the trap ahead. If your primary goal is something other than making sure the other person is enjoying themselves, the date is not going great.
NTA – I was dating a guy that was really good at pool. It’s how we met. He was in the league, I wasn’t. One night I beat him more than once and he broke up with me over it. All the guys at the bar gave him a really hard time for quite a while. Not because I beat him, because he was stupid enough to break up with me. I am still a pretty good shot at 60.
ESH when she said “don’t go easy” that would have been a great opportunity to then *jokingly and in a good, friendly, funny and flirty way* clear the table on the break. Then return to letting her go first, going a little easy, maybe giving her tips and pointers if she seems open to it. Not the *last* game which then changed the context of the whole night.
You did show off, and she’s allowed to feel a certain way about that. She also told you not to let her win, so she can’t be mad when you don’t. Just kind of seems like it was an incompatible first date.
People can say NTA, but you won’t see this girl again.
If you are good at something and you know it, it’s not attractive to beat a potential date badly. You could try but no be obvious that you are taking it easy on them.
I’m pretty good at darts. When women come into the bar and want to play, I never go all out. I’ll talk and socialize and let them keep playing. If I want to be good, I’ll partner up with them and play someone else.
It’s more impressive – and attractive – if we beat other people.
Kind of YTA, the moment she said “don’t go easy on me” you should have been playing to win, not just make it a bit more challenging.
Then showing off at the end is just saying “Look, I was letting you win”.
I’m not saying it’s a massive deal, but it’s not a good look either.