So let’s start of with some background about me,
I’m 18M and I play guitar and sing, and have been taking vocal lessons for the last few months. It’s always been a dream of mine to be in a solid band that can jam on any tune we want to to have the freedom to creatively improvise, solo, and perform. I used to and still somewhat regularly play with a a drummer and a bassist/guitarist and I have fun with that, but I wanted to start branching out and playing with some other friends I knew who where good.
So one of my lifelong friends, both same age as me, a drummer who is very talented, and a more recent friend of mind, a lead guitarist, agreed for a jam session at the drummer’s house. In a GC, we agreed to do a just a standard jam session, and a cover of "stay a little longer" by willie nelson. A simple start, I said we needed more rocky stuff and the guitarist agreed.
We meet up Sunday night at Five Guys to eat, (I showed up a bit early) I come a bit high I admit, but I usually do because I feel I’m usually more musically creative when I am. We go in and order, I talk to the guitarist we agree to do what we had previously talked about and we eat. We discuss some other songs, like Zepplin , though I didn’t know how to play or sing them, But I can learn tunes really quick and I was open to anything, So I agreed we could try to do a rock song like that.
When we get to practice, we all agreed to start with a jam in E. Our guitarist came up with a cool riff, and we jammed on that for a solid hour or more, adding ideas (key changes, etc). I did mess up a few times towards the end of the session because began to loose interest in this idea, and I hadn’t practiced this kind of stuff in a minute. Eventually I get bored of playing the same thing for so long, so I ask to stop, and I said how about we take a break and come back later and in the meantime do Spanish Pipedream by John Prine? They were reluctant because "they had already been playing a lot of country" which is true because they are in a separate group that does mainly country music, So I was like "Yeah I get it we can do this one and then choose something else."
We jam on that for a good bit and I enjoyed it. We take a break, I take out my acoustic and start learning stay a little longer, because I thought we would do that next as we had agreed on that earlier. But then, both the guys start complaining a bit more about being tired of country music, and started making me feel bad for wanting to pick that song. We put our guitars back on and get ready, and I ask what song we should do, and I want to do one I can sing on, because I hadn’t done much of that yet. They were reluctant but eventually (and I let them pick) they chose another Prine song "Angel from Montgomery" After that, they both said they were tired and went home.
The next day at campus, my drummer friend, said they didn’t appreciate me bossing them around at rehearsal, for being high, and not allowing them to do what they wanted. AITA?
Late to practice and trying to call the shots? YTA.
You’re teenagers in a band for fun. Not a signed group trying to practice a song before an important gig. And you were late too. YTA. You should probably smoke too and chill out a bit more, life’s not that serious.
Without being present it’s difficult to judge. Obviously there was some friction but my guess is that your mannerisms and tone had quite a bit to do with why they complained to the drummer. Maybe it’s just not a good fit for the four of you.
So, a few things jump out at me. Firstly, you seem really intent on getting solid practice time out of this, and care about getting to play songs that let you practice skills you’re working on.
But then you show up high. And you make mistakes while practicing – which I would say is totally fine, except you state that the reason you made those mistakes is because you weren’t “that invested” in the music. But just before that you state how you really want to be a part of a serious group that has the “freedom to creatively improvise”.
It sounds like you are caught between wanting to have a really serious practice group that’s focused on getting better at music, and wanting to have fun and follow your own creative whim.
This group plays regularly without you; you’re kind of a guest in their dynamic. They invited you because you expressed interest and are friends with the drummer. Now, if you had all agreed together that you were going to practice as a group from now on and try to meet a certain set of goals, then it would make sense for you to treat it as a serious thing.
But it doesn’t seem like it was intended to be a serious thing. Also, you aren’t holding yourself to the same standard you profess to want: you were high, and you made mistakes purely because you didn’t feel like playing what they did. That’s just kinda disrespectful; it’s like they don’t deserve your best unless they cater to you, but you expect their best even when you want to play something they don’t.
Largely, though, this is just a weird mismatch of expectations. If you want a serious group, then _you have to treat it seriously_ and you have to go in with that expectation clearly expressed and agreed to. Soft YTA – I don’t think you’re actually an ass, you’re just 18 and still navigating this kinda thing.
Also, If weed helps creativity, use it when you’re writing or coming up with your own stuff. It’s not cool to be the only high guy in a sober group and then try to make them take shit seriously.
You are right. These guys just work differently then what I’m used to. I’ve apologized to both and we cool. Though we did agree to do the songs previously in a gc and in person which is why I was a bit invested in that.
2.
I was kind to them, and we never had any major arguing, we are still mostly chill. I didn’t go deep into what was said due to length requirements. We still plan to play together in the future.
YTA. It’s not all about what you want. Jams should be improv where the group feeds off eachother. Also not on a specific song. Even if you decide to play something specific, your group clealry said they don’t want to play country and you pushed them to do what you wanted. And you were high, you made mistakes, but you are full of excuses for yourself, though not as forgiving to others.
You’ve got a lot to leaen, young padawan. A few months of singing lessons and a dream do not make you a qualified band lead and with your attitude you’ll be changing bands like underwear.
If you did something like this at my jam, you wouldn’t be invited back.
YTA You keep saying We agreed on this. I think you were too high to read the room and realize that you were bringing the bad juju. You weren’t “invested” in working through the guitarist’s cool riff so you get them to do a cover song they probably didn’t want to do. I think you were high and overeager, and instead of dealing with it in the moment, they grumpily went along with you and just agreed after that they don’t want to jam with you anymore.
I understand your friend’s sentiment. Someone who’s high can REALLY ruin the atmosphere : / So YTA
Edited for typo.
Ever wonder why it’s hard to keep a band together?
1. You aren’t in a band yet – you just met some folks for a jam session. There’s a difference.
2. You decided to show up high.
3. Even when they said they didn’t want to play country, you insisted on what you wanted and said “we can do this one and then do something else.”
4. While you might want “to be in a solid band that can jam on any tune we want to to have the freedom to creatively improvise, solo, and perform”, it takes *years* for a band to get to that level of cohesiveness.
YTA – it isn’t all about you.
I don’t understand why everyone is saying you were late when you were early then all went to practice at the same time. No one was late.
That being said. It’s for fun and you sounded like you might have strong-armed the rest into the songs you like. Soft YTA