I (M16) live alone with my dad (M61) and he arrives kinda late from work, which means I basically have to do most of home chores (except general cleaning). Other than that, after I come home from school, I have to set up the entire place (laundry, dishes, take out the trash, do the beds, etc) for when he arrives, so that he can do the least effort possible when he’s at home. When discounting all that time from the possible 4 hours I could have between the time I usually arrive home and before he arrives from work, that usually leaves me with around 30 minutes to try and relax with my hobbies. Also, I have unmedicated ADHD and frequently have serious depressive episodes (to the extent I consider taking my own life), which can sometimes harden even more all this. Besides, after my dad arrives at home, I cannot do anything else other than wait for him to eat dinner and set up my own room so we can watch TV together. We do this every day, religiously, ever since I was born, with rare exceptions. And I feel like I don’t have a choice other than having to devote my entire days, and, to an extent, life to him, which tires me even more. But I can’t talk to him because he’s a very “my way or the high way” and “not under my roof!” guy, and he takes my mental issues for granted constantly. So whenever he wants to joke around with me or when he does something that minimally triggers me, I get extremely upset and even act rude around him, and that’s something I hate doing. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just wished I had a more comprehensive older figure.
OP – based on your age, you should have access to a school counselor. Please utilize that resource.
NTA. But you need a lot more help than just some comments on a reddit thread.
Tysm, I fear my school counselors might turn back on me and tell my dad about my report to him (happened once- thankfully the professional who did this was fired), but I’ll try my best to get in touch with them.
School counselors are mandatory reporters in the US, not sure about that in other countries/areas. Letting you go with unmedicated ADHD is terrible. I’d focus on that with a counselor and if you can trust them from there, report more of what’s going on.
You need someone to talk to that isn’t an internet stranger. That said – big hugs to you. This age is so hard.
This is complicated than an AITA post. I suggest seeking insight from a professional, such as a guidance counselor or therapist, since they can help you navigate your emotions better.
I don’t think ytah I just know that sometimes our parents rely on us for too much. I have a big family and you sort of end of raising the little ones yourself cuz ur parents check out. I potty trained two all by myself when I was about 13 and 15. But long story short parents sometimes take advantage of the fact that their kids have to do exactly what they say.
I’ll say this… what would you do for someone who offered to pay your bills for 18 years anything? Would you be there for them if they needed, help without asking? If the answer is yes, you may want to consider why you would be willing to do more for a stranger that would do the same thing that your father is doing. I’m not saying you’re wrong for feeling burnt out but perspective is everything sometimes depending on the job adults can be equally burnt out. And you’re not the age that you can help her around the house to relieve some of that burn out… most kids feel like they shouldn’t have to do anything, but what I’m saying is maybe change your perspective on the matter because in a couple years, you may not have him to pay all your bills
Fuck all the way off with this crap.
This would be emotionally abusive if it was a spouse or roommate, and it’s doubly so aimed at a child who did not ask to be in this situation.
I’d rather pay all my own bills than live with someone like this. I suspect you would, too.
YTA. You need to get some help from someone whether that he school or a doctor.
NTA.
… This is not fair, it is not right, and it is unkind of him. He should not be treating you like this. Keeping it clean all on your own would not be your job if you were an adult roommate, and it’s doubly not your job as a teenager.
You are at the age where you are coming of age and you really need chances to become your own person.
If you think he won’t get violent, my recommendation would be to join a club at school. In fact, join a *couple* clubs. Maybe get a part time job. Tell a teacher you trust, if you’ve got one, what’s going on- they can probably help you spin “I’m joining a bunch of clubs” into Selfish Dad language so it’s something he’ll let you do.
Try to stay out of that house as much as you can. Let that place rot, as much as you can get away with. Start saving money- as much as you can get away with.
You can and will get out of there. This is not going to be your life forever. You will have a small quiet room of your own where no one yells at you that you can fill with things and people you love.
We’re rooting for you, kid.
NTA you are a child and you are burn out. But at the same time I understand your dad as a single parent might also be tired and burn out. He also need to understand to prioritize ur life. Maybe instead of tv time you can do things you life. Its hard and I feel for you, please seek out help things will get better I promise.
ESH
First of all you are in school. I get that this is hard for you, but your first sentence says a lot. “he arrives kind of late from work.” It sounds like he is a single Dad, raising you and working 40+ hours a week. He’s tired. He’s probably stressed, and believe it or not, you aren’t working 40 hours a week going to school.
You also need to talk to him. Maybe you two can come up with some alternate arrangements like get a house keeper to come out one a week to help with the place. Maybe both of y’all could spend time on Sunday’s meal prepping.
Your Dad needs to listen to you, but you need to talk to him first.