I 23F am graduating college in a couple months and am majoring in a medical field that has a pinning ceremony separate from the college graduation. I did not plan on attending the actual graduation ceremony but I wanted to go to the pinning ceremony and it was important to me that my parents were there. This has been a planned event on the calendar since the beginning of the fall semester.
Today I found out that they do not plan on going because my father needs to get bloodwork. My father hasn’t been feeling the best lately and has been in and out of hospitals seeking treatment for a persistent problem that he has had a significant decline from. The facility that wants the bloodwork is out of state, but you are able to get the bloodwork done anywhere as long as the facility gets the results, so they dont necessarily need to have the bloodwork done there.
The reason I am upset is mainly due to the fact that when my sister graduated from boot camp there was no issue dropping everything and driving 16 hours to watch her ceremony. This probably just stems from feeling like I’m never the priority compared to my sister or I’m overthinking things and being overly sensitive.
AITA for wanting them to get the bloodwork done at a local facility and attend my pinning ceremony?
NTA for wanting something
Feelings, moods and thoughts don’t make anyone an asshole – as long as you aren’t being awful to others and using said feelings, etc to justify it. NTA so far. Keep it up and have conversations to try to work it out.
NAH. It’s completely understandable that you’re hurt and want your parents at such an important milestone, especially since it’s been planned for a while. At the same time, your dad’s health issues sound serious, and that may be driving their decision more than anything else. It might help to have an honest conversation with them about how much this ceremony means to you and see if there’s any flexibility.
NTA
Maybe your father is more seriously ill than they are letting on to you right now and it’s a priority that the blood work is taken and tested at the facility straight away. Maybe it’s that your family does prioritise your sister and you may have to start stepping away from a family that doesn’t want to celebrate and enjoy your achievements the way they do with your sister. This is the point of your life where you start forging your own path, some people can do that with supporting family, some with friends and others have to do it on their own. It’s ok to stop trying with people who don’t make an effort for you, even of those people are your parents and siblings. It’s ok to be sad about your treatment. It’s also ok to confront them on their behaviour, but be prepared to hear that you are the problem if your family genuinely can’t make an effort for you
NTA for feeling as you do , it’s not nice to feel second best , let alone second best for your parents. l think there is little you can do about the ceremony though, once you have said something like ‘l am sorry Dad couldn’t get the tests done locally or an another day, it’s very disappointing not to have you both at the ceremony’ . Then leave it, keep your dignity and don’t be tempted to say anything about your sisters ceremony.
It probably won’t change anything, but you will at least come out of it with your head up . If they say how bad they feel about it and/or get belligerent about no other arrangement being possible , just keep a faint sad smile on your face and sigh a bit. Let them feel bad , tough .
NTA op, I’m sorry I know this is hard. I think you should follow this advice to say what you need but still keep your head up in the end.
Your dad maybe in a concerning/bad place medically and your family doesn’t want to worry you during an important school time.
Can you offer them to view it through video call or virtually? I know it’s not the same as them being there but they still will get to see a special moment in your life. Maybe a friend can video call them.
NAH but your parents have their reasons for going to that facility. I’m not sure where this is located but it is a bit strange that it has to be that particular day. Maybe it’s a lot more serious and they’re just saying blood work so you don’t worry.
Gonna go with NAH
I’m sorry, I know it sucks that your parents can’t come. But it seems like they have a very valid excuse for not coming. By chance, is there a live stream that they could watch?
I don’t think there’s a live stream for the pinning ceremony, there’s one for the main graduation but I won’t be attending that. Thank you for replying!
I think this is one where you have to take the loss. Your father has significant health issues and if he is in decline, then they may be up against a timeline and are probably terrified out of their minds. You aren’t less of a priority than your sister but your father’s health is more of one and he may not be in a fit stat to travel. You aren’t a AH for feeling disappointed.
My partner’s Dad missed his PhD graduation – my parents went with me to support him – and we weren’t sure why and he was a bit hurt. It turned out his father had brain stem cancer and passed a year later. He was undergoing a lot of trials at the time of the graduation. This is very much a worse case scenario and hopefully the bloods will show what is going on with your Dad and get him well fast.
your dad’s health stuff sounds pretty serious if hes been in and out of hospitals, so i get why theyd prioritize that, but you’re not wrong to feel the sting of the double standard here. the boot camp thing is a fair comparison and it does seem like maybe they could’ve scheduled the bloodwork for literally any other day given that you planned this months ago, ngl
NAH. Do your parents know that the pinning ceremony is more important to you than the graduation? They may think that you skipping graduation means you don’t care deeply about any of it. They may also feel like the graduation is more meaningful to them. Did you tell them that the pinning ceremony is what really matters *to you* as a marker of your graduation? My bet is they just don’t get it, especially since you aren’t going to the more formal event.
Also, you may want to consider offering to do the graduation event for them, in addition to the pinning. They may also be feeling hurt that you don’t want to do the event where they as parents get to fawn all over you and celebrate your success.
NTA—did they give you an explanation of why the bloodwork is being planned months ahead? Unless there is very specific timing that needs to be coordinated, that doesn’t make much sense.
NTA – but I feel like this is causing a miscommunication “I did not plan on attending the actual graduation ceremony but I wanted to go to the pinning ceremony”
If you told your parents you weren’t attending graduation, I would think you didn’t really care much about the celebratory hoopla anyways and I understand their choice to prioritize the medical issue. There are all sorts of other ceremonies surrounding graduation. Like when my sister graduated she also had an engineering ring ceremony where they give you a pinky ring, and when I graduated I had a honors society ceremony where they gave us a special certificate for getting the honors minor. Parents were welcome to attend these side ceremonies, and some did, but in my experience it is well understood these separate ceremonies are for the grads to enjoy their achievement, while the full graduation ceremony is for parents and family to celebrate your achievement. That’s why it is the bigger ceremony with more speakers and everyone in attendance and the whole professional picture thing.
Are they maybe not taking your achievement seriously becuase you accidentally made it seem like you weren’t taking it seriously? I’ve never heard of a pinning ceremony, so I don’t know the real significance to you, and they might not either. If they come all the way out for it, you should probably just do the graduation ceremony as well.