I am 18 and usually do my own laundry, but last week my mom said she was helping out and washed a load of my clothes while I was at school.
When I got home, she sat me down and started commenting on my underwear. It does include things like lace bras, thongs, and a couple of g-strings. She told me some of it was too mature, not appropriate, too sexual, and asked who I was trying to impress. I was shocked and honestly really didn’t know what to say. I never asked her to go through my clothes, and I definitely didn’t expect my underwear to become a topic of discussion.
I told her that my underwear is private and that it made me uncomfortable that she went through it and judged me for it. She got defensive and said that as my mother, she has a right to be concerned, especially since I live under her roof even tho I do part-time job together with my school and pay my for all my things. Also all my friends and other girls buy their own lingerie too and their parents never complain, even at much younger age. She also said I was being disrespectful and overreacting.
The argument escalated when I said it felt like a violation of my privacy. She replied that if I don’t want comments, I shouldn’t own that kind of underwear in the first place.
NTA. You’re 18 and buying your own clothes with your own money, what you wear under your clothes is literally none of her business. She volunteered to do your laundry and then used it as an excuse to police your body, which is weird and controlling regardless of the “my house” argument.
God she sounds like how my mother.l was.
Other than advising you that cotton gussets are better for your health, she has no business telling you what underwear to wear. If you’re old enough to buy your own you’re old enough to wear it.
NTA but don’t expect her to change
NTA you’re private clothing should be private. If she was concerned about your sexual activity she can have that conversation with you (though from this I doubt it would be much different) but commenting on your underwear is weird and gross. Ask her why she is looking at YOUR underwear as sexual
NTA my mother made sure to impress upon me from quite a young age that I should wear things I feel comfortable, confident, and gorgeous in, including underwear. It should never be based on what other people think of you, only what you think of yourself, and if you like your underwear, she has no business saying you shouldn’t own or wear it.
Uf, that “under my roof”. NTA
Please, remember that beautiful underwear is a nice way for you to feel confident and beautiful and do not be frustrated about that just because your moms reaction. You don’t need to wear boring underwear just because of it. Also you are young and it’s okay to explore. I was sick of ladies told me how thongs are the worst but they were the most comfortable choice for me.
NTA.
You’re 18 and paying for your own things. Mom needs to understand that this is no longer any of her business. I suspect this is not a matter of impressing someone, but rather, YOU feeling good about yourself. (At least for me, this is how it was.) Her comments are a violation of your privacy…It’s one thing to notice, but one should not comment on what is found.
You may need to grant her some grace as she learns to navigate your transition into adulthood.
NTA This is no a Hill Your Mom wants to die on.
NTA your mom is being a creep. This is private clothing.
Perhaps you should do her laundry to help out
Perhaps all her undergarments would dry nicely on an outdoor laundry line.
Mamma knows her own tricks best. Sounds like she’s judging you based on her own behavior when she was your age
You want complete privacy? Move out. Otherwise she allowed to say anything she wants.
This type of attitude is exactly what leads to kids going low contact or no contact with their parents as adults.
NTA. Parents need to understand that when someone does something it’s not always for the likes of somebody else. You are legally an adult and shouldn’t have to explain anything
NTA, she’s being invasive.