My brother lives in another state which is an 18 hour drive or 3.5 hour flight for us. I have a 2 and 5 year old and was told that they would not be invited to the wedding at all, including rehearsal dinner, ceremony, and reception. I have no childcare options and would never feel comfortable leaving them with a stranger in an unfamiliar city in a hotel. Obviously I had to decline the invitation and told my brother there was no way for me to attend his wedding because I had nowhere for the kids to go. My brother was upset and responded “just get a babysitter”. Obviously he doesn’t have kids and doesn’t understand it just isn’t that simple. I told him it was his wedding and he has to do what he wants to do, but that excluding his niece and nephew was ultimately also excluding me. I am hurt by his decision. I don’t intend to change his mind and even if he did I would no longer feel welcome, but this does hurt. My brother is now upset I am not attending the wedding and upset that I am hurt by his decision to exclude my children. This is my only sibling and I thought we were close, we’ve visited him several times and my kids have always behaved, we’ve always been invited back! AITA for being upset by this?
NTA at all. People need to understand that their wedding is only a huge event in THEIR lives. When you make rules and decisions like this, you have to accept that not everyone will be able to easily comply.
NTA. Your brother expecting you to fly across the country and leave a 2 and 5 year old with a random hotel babysitter is completely out of touch with reality. He made his choice about who’s important enough to be there, and now he’s upset about the natural consequences of that choice.
He is within his right to have a child free wedding. There are plenty of reasons for couples to do this. But this also means he has to accept that people are obligated to their children first, not just you, but anyone with a child. Safe and skilled babysitters don’t just fall out of the sky. And he lives 18 hours away so it’s not simple child care but asking for 24 hour care for several days in a row. This is both expensive and even more difficult to arrange because most babysitters are doing so as a side hustle not their full-time job. So no, you can’t just find a babysitter and he needs to accept that he accidentally excluded you when he chose a child free wedding. I don’t have kids and fully understand this so he can too. He hurt himself.
NTA
You need to care for your children first.
Agree with others – he’s allowed a child. free wedding but if that’s what he wants, he. must then be able to accept that some people (including family) won’t be able to attend if they have children. He can’t have it both ways and your kids should always come first mama
NAH.
He’s allowed to have the wedding he wants. You’re allowed to not feel comfortable leaving your kids with a sitter. He’s allowed to have feelings about it.
I’m not sure it’s quite as “obvious” as you’re trying to make it out to be with your repeated use of the word– there are people who would feel differently about it than you do– but you have every right to decline regardless.
NTA
People who say “No kids” have that right. They also must be graceful when that is an insurmountable challenge for some parents.
There are consequences to every decision we make. Some decisions come with a cost and the goal is to be prepared to pay it. He wanted the consequence of a wedding without kids to simply be a quiet, unchaotic, whatever he wanted event. He failed to see the cost of that was not everyone would be able to attend.
And sadly, he failed to see the pain his decision would cause.
NTA i had a child free wedding. It was absolutely the decision for us and I don’t regret it. That being said, some people didn’t come and that is their right/choice and I accepted that. Sucks because I love them and wanted them to be there, but I accept anyone’s right not to attend for any reason.
If he’s going to have a restrictive wedding of any kind, he needs to accept each guests ability to attend.
ESH I was going to say N T A given that your brother won’t accept you not coming, but a number of things you said have me suspecting that on your end this is really about you being hurt that your kids weren’t invited, more than it being impossible for you to find childcare. That makes it a wash.
He should accept that not inviting kids means some parents can’t or simply *won’t* come. He’s allowed to have a child-free wedding and it doesn’t mean he hates your kids.
NTA. He can do child-free, but that also means some people can’t make it. “Just get a babysitter” is mad out of touch. His choice = your absence. Simple
NTA. Child-free is his choice, but that automatically cuts some parents out. He can’t be mad when his own rules are the reason you’re not there
He has the right to have a child free wedding but he has to be ok with guests not being able to attend because of this.
NTA he has the right to a child free wedding and you have the right not to attend. I wouldn’t have gone either when my kids were that little.
NTA. I am of the opinion that people can do pretty much anything they want when it’s their wedding. The one thing they can’t do is expect everyone to attend. And the more conditions they put on their wedding, the more invitees they should be prepared to decline.
People are allowed to have child-free weddings, but they need to understand that that means some people will not be able to attend. NTA