First time posting so please cut me some slack.
I (19F) have a nephew (6M), who’s not directly related to our family but is distant if that makes sense. However, it’s really hard to leave him out of eyesight even for just a minute. He will run off touching anything and everything, and if you say no to him, he will crash out. I feel bad for his parents because his mom runs behind him all the time.
Anyway, I personally think it’s important to say no to kids sometimes bc they need to learn what boundaries are. Once we all went to my aunts house for winter break and he runs into my bathroom and finds my floss and asks if he could play with it/keep it. I say no because it’s my floss and he shouldn’t touch other people’s things, and also, it’s pretty dangerous considering that the floss box has a razor to cut string off. He keeps nagging when I say no and then starts crying really loudly, and I don’t give in because that’s only going to encourage his behavior. I distract him with cars (his favorite) but it takes a WHILE for him to let go of my floss box.
However my dad keeps pampering him and encourages this behavior of his. Whenever we invite my nephew and his family to our house, he goes straight to our pantry, where my sister (15F) keeps her birthday chocolate. He grabs the chocolate and asks if he can eat it and I say no because it’s my sisters, but my dad gives it to him because “he’s just a kid” and my sister has to learn “how to share”. My sister gets really mad at this, which is understandable because this happens EVERY TIME he comes over and he has to learn to not touch other peoples things. Like it’s okay to not share sometimes, birthday gifts are meant for the birthday person. We have to constantly remind my dad to not say yes to everything my nephew asks for, but my dad gets angry at us and keeps saying “let it go” “he’s just a kid”.
Additionally, whenever he comes over, I have to constantly babysit him and follow him around the house so he won’t break/touch anythung he’s not supposed to. I understand that his mom needs a break, but seriously, I’m missing out on family time because I’m constantly babysitting this kid.
I know all kids grow up differently, but my sister and I did not have to constantly be in our parents’ eyesight. I love my nephew and I’m not blaming him for his behavior because he is just a kid, but I truly think this is a parenting problem, not just from his parents but my dad too.
So AITA
Definitely not the asshole
Saying ‘no’ to children is not only acceptable, but absolutely necessary for their development. You did well. A 6yo is old enough to understand ownership. Also, you and your sister should take something dad doesn’t like to share and tell him to learn.
NTA
NTA. Your nephew needs to understand that No means No. Your dad is acting as a bad influence on him. While it’s very kind of you to help give the kid’s mom a break, your dad isn’t helping her but instead making the kid even more of an exhaustion for her and everyone else. I think you and the mom should have a talk about keeping your dad away from him, and maybe getting in touch a child psychologist for advice on dealing with a troublesome child.
NTA. We have to hide alcohol, food, and precious items when my cousin comes over. He’s 25. 25!!! A whole grown ass adult. Nobody ever told him no and made excuses for him his whole life and while he’s not evil, he doesn’t steal or anything, he just thinks he should be able to have whatever he wants. It’s bizarre and uncomfortable to watch someone walk through life like that. His parents failed him, you can tell they know but are too far into it to face reality. I feel for your nephew.
NTA. There’s a good chance this kid is neurodivergent based on your description- that could be one of my kids. We literally couldn’t let him out of our sight for ages because there was just ZERO impulse control. It was exhausting, but it was also our job to say no, to redirect, etc.
Also if your dad somehow thinks “sister needs to learn to share” then he’s the one who failed at teaching as a parent and he’s keeping that failure going as a grandparent
NTA, but do you have any brothers? Your dad could be acting like this because there’s finally a baby boy to spoil. Ofc my guess could be wrong if your nephew isn’t the first baby boy
NTA- saying no isn’t strict. I was expecting a post about trying to discipline a child that wasn’t yours or insulting the parents in someway, all you did here was say no to him touching/playing with your personal items that don’t belong to him, aren’t toys, and aren’t safe for kids with no impulse control.
This is absolutely a parenting issue, doesn’t sound like he gets told no very often if it always results in a meltdown (or isn’t being taught how to regulate his emotions/receiving professional help with this if it’s needed.) And grandpa certainly isn’t helping by feeding into it.
Kids deep down crave structure and yes, discipline. Emotionally they may not enjoy it, but their nervous systems need it. It sounds like he’s not getting enough of either, and the parents need to step up to either provide or get him access to professional help before he becomes the student teachers dread having in the classroom or that babysitters quit on. Yes he’s a child, it’s not his fault. But early intervention is important- this stuff is a lot less ‘cute’ when they’re a teenager with no impulse control or respect for authority.
You’re dad really isn’t doing this kid or the kids mother any favors. Yes, he’s just a kid, that’s why it’s important to teach him appropriate behavior now. He’s going to turn into an entitled teenager before long *shudder* and then what? Kids need to be taught they can’t do or have whatever they want, and they need to be taught there are consequences to inappropriate behavior. That is literally how society gets along. I’m sure everyone on this thread is saying similar things, so wait a few hours for the comments to build up and then show your dad this post. He should already be aware since he’s a parent, but something tells me there’s a part of it that’s due to the kid being a boy.
You’re NTA and hopefully this boys behavior can be corrected before he becomes one.
NTA. And I think your dad needs a lesson about boundaries just as much as your nephew does.
My 2 year old doesn’t even have to always be in eyesight when at home (inside), let alone a six year old. A kid also needs to learn to accept the word no, it’s good for them. You’re not being strict, you’re being reasonable. NTA
NTA. We are kind of dealing with this ourselves right now except our nephew is a bit younger (2). When he hears the word no he cries and whines and throws things and hits. He will repeat whatever he was told not to do over and over. Throw himself on the ground. Etc. he’s not my child so I am careful with what I say/do regarding him but i don’t think he ever hears the word from anyone else. Maybe I just had easy kids, idk but they learned no at a very young age g age and mostly obeyed. We didn’t have many knock down drag outs but every day is that way with him, it’s quite exhausting to deal with.
NTA for setting boundaries with your stuff and your time, but it sounds like you’re choosing to make certain things your problem when they don’t need to be.
Why is it your job to give him an answer when he asks about your sister’s chocolate? And did someone ask you to follow him around and make sure he doesn’t break stuff or did you choose to take on that responsibility?
It’s also not your place to decide how he should be parented.
NTA! This child could be neurodivergent and need therapy or medication to help him. The dad is def part of the problem and makes the boy not learn that no is part of the vocabulary he should learn and respect that. Speak to the mom about having her son tested and speak to dad about respecting boundaries so that little boy doesn’t grow up to be an entitled adult that has no idea how the real world works!!!