I went thrifting with my friend. (She is 16 and I am 17, and we went alone). I want to start this off by saying I think my friend was racial profiling, she thinks she was being safe for two minors who were alone. Take a read.
Before she got there, outside the thrift store, a guy asked for some warm clothes. Not anything more than some warm clothes. He seemed like a decent guy and I was talking with him for a while about his situation and we vibed and I decided pretty much right away I was going to buy him some clothes.
My friend then gets dropped off by her mom and sees who I’m talking to. She immediately becomes afraid and texts her mom about what she said the “ unsafe situation” was. I don’t see a situation more than getting a dude I talked to for like 15 minutes some clothes. When we were in the thrift store and the guy had gone to look for some jeans, she said that her “great intuition” told her he was unsafe. I said that getting that kind of gauge about how safe he was without even talking to him or knowing him was kind of profiling (he was black, she’s white.)
When me and him were making some basic conversation in line, he turned to her and asked her a question (If she goes to the high school he used to go to). She said she feels unsafe answering that question. He respected that and didn’t talk to her afterward, I thought she was so rude for saying that to his face.
Then, when I was checking out for him and put the card in the slot, she starts covering my card with her hands so he couldn’t see any numbers, and started saying after he left that “he could’ve gotten my whole address, social security #, etc.) I was like girl wtf are you on about. She wouldn’t let it go the whole time and said she’d “clock him in the face if he was still following us”. He had left the store like 10 minutes ago mind you. Then, about 20 minutes after he left, she nearly collapsed of a ‘headache’, saying she could still smell the weed on him and weed makes her head hurt.
What made me the most mad is she said her parents raised her right for doing what she did, implying mine didn’t. She was taking about stranger danger the whole time, which I get but I also had an actual conversation with him and know his intentions were honest and harmless. She didn’t say a word, just started frantically texting her mom. I didn’t want to get much other than a couple cheap necklaces after I spent some money on the guy, and she told me ‘I get why you would want to spend your money on him, but what about your situation?’ I have a roof over my head, food, and enough clothes. He doesn’t.
I can see where she’s coming from that we were alone and it could be unsafe, but honestly in a situation like that I can’t relate to her much at all.
I think she was acting like scum. What do you think?
I’m going to say NAH – she felt unsafe and she’s allowed to feel that way. You didn’t and you’re allowed to feel that way. As a mom of a teen girl I wouldn’t love her engaging in conversation with and shopping with a homeless guy
I think she was acting like a scared teenager who is, for right or wrong, afraid of a man she did not know and was trying to protect herself. You’re not wrong for buying him some clothes, but you are refusing to extend the same empathy to understand why your friend felt unsafe.
Ya this is also where I’m at. Especially since it seems like she probably got these views from her parents. Kids and teens have a lot of opinions that aren’t really their own, they’re given to them by their parents. She may or may not feel differently in a few years looking back. Either way, it’s ok for a teen girl to be suspicious of an adult stranger and also understandable that she didn’t have much tact in expressing it.
NTA. Her words may have said she felt unsafe, but her actions weren’t about protecting *herself*. That was where she crossed over in AH-territory. It would have been one thing if she had kept her distance (because she felt unsafe), but she was standing with you in line and covered your credit card. It was all very performative and had nothing to do with protecting herself, but instead letting the homeless guy know that she did not trust him.
Can I just say, your parents raised you right. Well done for giving a homeless person the decency they deserve, and treating them as a human being.
I will say though, if you weren’t outside a shop or didn’t see people around, I wouldn’t recommend approaching a man, let alone homeless, as a woman and your age. Be precautious at all times!
But overall NTA, your friend sounds like a right stuck up, spoilt, judgemental brat.
I hope when my kid is a teenager that they do the same thing you did. Yes, safety is something to be aware of being teenagers. And also, your friend was seriously racially profiling and extremely dramatic. It was all about their needs and her parents are perpetuating racism and classism.
This guy asked you in a very public place where others were around. You legit just bought him clothes. You treated him like a human being.
It is also hard to steal someone’s identity when you don’t have access to their card…if he used some identity technology it would have had to have been only a couple of inches away from the card. They don’t need your pin.
If the guy started following you, it would be weird because it’s a grown man following teenagers. Both can be true, he’s a good guy and it’s ok to set boundaries with him later on if needed.
You should also show her this Instagram handle. He goes and gives unhoused Black men the opportunity for a hot meal, a haircut, clean clothes and an opportunity to have access to clean water to wash their body.
@neatmartinez
Unless your friend were actually racist, then NAH. She is probably a bit sheltered and overly cautious. You, quite frankly, probably are not quite cautious enough. He was probably just fine. Probably. But the consequences of being wrong for a couple of young teenage girls can be … significant.
NAH – But you really do need to be a lot more careful. I get that you had a conversation with the man but in no way shape or form should you even remotely come to this conclusion:
*I also had an actual conversation with him and know his intentions were honest and harmless.*
No, no you don’t know what his intentions are with just 1 conversation. He could have been lying to you to get you to put your guard down. Trust us all when we say it happens more often than not. What saved you is where you were at. You were in a public place during daytime. Does that mean you are 100% safe, no. But it’s a lot farther from where your friend was thinking. Just use your best judgement and be aware of your surroundings. Stay safe and keep doing good in the world, OP. It needs it right now.
I’m a black man and father of two girls. Don’t keep doing this. You will get yourself conned, robbed, followed home, etc. There are bad people out there young lady and some of them seem like decent guys. A 17 year old girl with a heart of gold is an ideal victim. If you want to help someone do it quickly while leaving. That goes for any stranger. Lots of homeless people have underlying mental instability that can turn a friendly exchange into a life threatening situation in a snap.