My wife is planning a trip with her friends. Going to meet them out at their friends house just after Christmas and come home just over a week later. They wanted to "road trip" home so we decided that I’d drive out with her 1500 miles so she didn’t have to do it alone, and fly back. She’ll head back a week later. She is concerned because there has been an electrical issue on the truck. I thought I narrowed it down and she was still stressed so I took it to the mechanic. They thought it was the same thing and she’s still worried. She said to me.
"All I’m saying is if I break down somewhere with Stacy and I get frustrated and I end up staying wherever that is well into January you get The single dad gig for a bit so… Just saying (salute emoji)."
I said she’s being shitty.
Edit: Some questions below.
\-Three friends. My wife and Stacy are in Ca and going to meet the third at her home in Tx. Stacy flew out already. Truck and camper are nice because it’s a small home so once wife gets out there, her and Stacy will be in the camper. Then the two of them will drive home together.
\-My oldest is 17 and has no license. Watching the kids only becomes an issue when they go back to school and have three different schools with three different schedules. I will only be gone 3 days and we do have local family so watching them isn’t a concern right after Christmas.
I don’t really know from the info you gave us, it might be her personality to joke like that. I don’t think calling her shitty is valid either way, could’ve been worded better. She is your wife after all
calling a spouse a “name” instead of describing their “behavior” is usually where arguments turn into fights. there is a subtle but important difference between saying “that was a shitty thing to say” and “you are being shitty.” the first addresses the comment; the second addresses her character, which is likely why things escalated so quickly.
“aita” usually comes down to whether the reaction matched the action. while her comment was definitely insensitive and “shitty” in its content, the use of the word might have been the “match” that lit the fire. in a healthy resolution, she would apologize for the “joke” and you would apologize for the name-calling, so you can get back to solving the actual problem: the truck.
INFO: I feel there’s a lot of missing context here. It sounds like you have a child (children?). How active are you as a father? It sounds like she needs a break?
I feel like I can’t render a verdict without more context.
The story is sus anyway. He’s driving her 1500 miles one way and flying home because she doesn’t want to drive alone. How is she getting home without driving alone? Why couldn’t they take the car of the friend that lives 1500 miles away for the road trip? That would make more sense. Who is watching the kids when this happens since they will both be gone?
YTA she’s worried about getting stranded somewhere, that’s understandable. And it sounds like she feels like you’re not empathizing with her concern. She’s pointing out a way in which you will suffer if she gets stranded, basically trying to make you care about the issue. And it’s accurate that you’re stuck caring for the kids alone for longer if she doesn’t get home on time.
Calling her shitty is unproductive and dismisses her feelings. Instead, ask her what would make her feel better. What about paying for 1 month of AAA, or taking a rental car instead?
If the car is that unreliable they could get stranded on the way there. If she’s worried about it, she should rent a car instead. Seems like an odd thing to do anyway. Why wouldn’t the friend use their car? Why make one of your friends drive 1500 miles for a road trip? Very strange.
Who is taking care of the kids while you two drive 1500 miles away? And how is she getting back home? Wouldn’t she also be driving home alone with the truck? Your story doesn’t make much sense.
It seems like she’s saying, “You keep dismissing my concerns about this issue and if we are stranded and it takes time to repair, you will be on single dad duty.”
Which is passive aggressive, I admit but it also driving home whats she’s worried about. Unless you want her to leave the vehicle wherever and fly back for it when it’s fixed?
ESH She’s being passive aggressive, and its also poor form to tell your spouse they are shitty for sharing their fears
That’s not passive aggressive, it’s being pretty straight forward on what may happen if she gets stranded. It’s a fair concern and possibility to bring up.
Tell her to rent a car then.
Yta
Bro, fix the dang truck if you want her to be comfortable riding it 1500 miles in winter conditions. Why is this a hill to die on. Pay money to professional and sort it out.
Her concern is totally valid.
INFO: what is the “electrical issue” on the truck and why are you not getting it fixed before driving it 1500 miles?
She made plans knowing the truck was having electrical issues. She also made plans that rope you into driving 1500 miles for her fun. If she has a problem with the truck or her plan, that’s entirely on her.
NTA, her comment is shitty and if she’s acting like that before the trip has even started, you can remind her that she can enjoy the single driver life going those 1,500 miles to get out there alone.