Our family runs a local restaurant in our town. My brother(ben) has always been interested in the business and got his culinary degree. on the other hand, I want to start something myself. I enrolled in MBA and my dad suggested that I should spend some time at our restaurant to support him and I might learn a thing or two.
I started at the front desk along with my dad but got bored and started doing SCM. This is when I started interacting more with kitchen staff. So, ben works alone with Lilly and a few others under the head chef Kevin. Kevin is a bully and a misogynist. There are times when I called him out on this and then onwards he never dared to comment on anything when I’m around.
A little background here, Ben and Lilly are friends from highschool and used to hangout at our house. Even though, I wasn’t close with her, She was infront of my eyes till they left for college. She was there for him when he’s having trouble making and sustaining friendships.
So, Lilly had a minor accident and all we knew was that she tripped and fell. One day when we were closed, I was still there checking balances while the kitchen staff were hanging out. I’m not aware of the discussion but Lilly disagreed with Kevin and the others agreed with Lilly. While she was leaving, Kevin said "don’t think too much about it, you might trip and fell again". Almost all of them started giggling including Ben. I saw her eyes moving from Kevin to Ben, who was still laughing by that time. So, I might be hallucinating here, but I can see that she was clearly hurt. Especially with ben.
After two days, when we were having family dinner, My mom was complaining about how some girl at a grocery store offered her help because she was old. Ben immediately jumped in and said that she shouldn’t have said that and it’s extremely disrespectful. It felt funny to me because two days back he was laughing when Kevin was commenting on Lilly. I simply asked him, "where did his moral compass went Lilly was getting picked by Kevin". My dad asked me what happened and I said what I say that day. My parents absolutely blasted at him for not sticking up to his friend when she was always there for him.
The next day, my dad summoned everyone after hours and told that the work environment should be professional and he won’t tolerate any distastefull behaviour on the premises. By the looks of Kevin, I was sure that he had an earful before the meeting. Later, Ben apologised to Lilly and apparently she told that she was disappointed with him. Later they made up and started hanging out like their usual selves. Now everything is good and back to normal.
Yesterday, when both of us where chilling out. He jokingly said that I always call him out on every little things. This made me thinking, should I have let it slide? Or have I done the right thing?
Are you sure you’re not a kid? Because this is written with as much unnecessary details as kids tend to add.
NTA honestly screw Kevin
And Ben. Misogynistic jerks. And that sounds like a threat, not a joke.
NTA. Ben needs to show leadership in the kitchen. Kevin is a jerk and that should not be tolerated. In general, kitchens are awful places to work. They tend to be abusive but they don’t have to be.
It might help to tell Ben that this is the family business. It has a reputation. He is part of that and he can make a difference. You did not knit pick at him. He participated in physically threatening a woman who is a lifelong friend. Who does that?
NTA correct him with “holding him accountable “
NTA
Doing the right thing pretty much always pisses off people who are doing the wrong thing. Then those people will call you an asshole.
Esh – except for Lilly and dad, but if im being nit picky I can still see spots for dad to improve
Op – Your part of management even if it’s only temporary or part time, and you waited 2 days after hearing a blatant threat to do or say anything. Kevin already knows he has brother around his fingers and could have been pushing the bar to see how you’d react. How would you have felt if things had escalated in those two days and lily was seriously hurt.
Brother – has the mentality of someone who’s been handed everything so he will always take the path of least resistance even if it hurts a child hood friend.
Kevin – is an ego cook who bare minimum should have a write up and be one strike from being fired or fired already. Imagine if lily didn’t give a fuck about family op? She has a blatant threat and past incident you aren’t sure about. Her and a determined enough lawyer probably could have had a field day with your family’s company.
Nta, you helped save an important relationship for your brother. My only thought about it though, is maybe you should have a 1 on 1 conversation with your brother instead of at family dinner.
NTA.
My dad said of me once that I was like my mother in that I forgive nothing, I let nothing slip uncalled. He says this as a compliment.
I don’t know your brother or what he meant, but for your own peace of mind think of it as a compliment. The world needs standards upheld.
I’m a female chef, Kevin sounds like the very typical people I’ve dealt with in my career, too many assholes to compare. You were absolutely right for calling your brother out for not saying anything. But you could also have said something, you were there.
YTA but not for calling Ben out, you should have said something yourself in the moment unless you have a valid reason for why you didn’t.
I’m glad your parents took it seriously.
NTA.
Kitchens are insufferable especially when male dominated, from personal experience.
You did good and it’s a lesson well learnt, and they won’t walk all over you on the other hand.
I’m confused on how they’re still friends after that, and who even says that to their friend anyways.
NTA.
Even bad people hate hypocrites.
Shitcan Kevin, demote Ben.
Soft NTA because it absolutely should not have taken an off hand remark at dinner to call this out
1. From a moral standpoint, you should have called this out immediately
2. Your parents run this business. You witnessed an employee being harassed and you did nothing. You witnessed your brother participating in that harassment. You should have immediately gone to your father. Do you have any idea of the legal implications if Lily were to take action?
Finally, someone better do a serious investigation on how Lily got hurt. That cavalier comment “that she might trip and fall again” along with the laughter sounds very sinister