For context: I am an adult female of 31 years. I am currently living with my parents again purely for financial reasons. I was out of a job and decided to pursue studies to be caretaker for people with disabilities, elderly, displaced kids,… I am almost halfway my two year degree. My degree is a bottleneck profession in my country so I don’t have to pay anything to study, I get money for books and I get to keep my (very small) unemployment check while studying.
I have some experience working. This isn’t my first degree. It’s maybe just the first one that I liked AND have a good chance at being employed in.
Family history. My parents were always fighting in my youth. My brother’s tantrums didn’t help. I’ve always been the mediator, the girl trying to do everything perfectly to please everyone. The stellar student. In my mid twenties I felt it was time to leave home. The fighting had increased and had become vicious. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I ended up renting a room at my uncle’s. Meanwhile my parents had a contested divorce. Violence was involved. My brother still doesn’t talk to my dad. My dad and I had an okay relationship from then on. My mom only called me to complain and scream about my father and about "taking sides". After almost two years at my uncle’s I couldn’t live there anymore. I had lost my job due to covid and my unemployment wasn’t coming in. Couldn’t find a job to save my life.
So I moved back in with my dad. My mom was living with my brother in an apartment a few towns away. She didn’t have any room and her toxicity wasn’t fun to be around.
So fast forward: I have a breakdown. I am in the hospital. My parents start talking again. They rekindle in the long run although they still aren’t married. I get my dog as a gift when I get out of the hospital.
I still live with my parents mostly because I have not found a stable job. So I’m studying. Because of some complicated reasons we (my mom, dad and me) all have to move our stuff from my childhood home (which is big) to our "temporary" home.
Me? I had more than three rooms of stuff: clothing, painting stuff, sewing stuff, decor, books,… It’s so much! And I have to fit it in my bedroom here. My clothes don’t even all fit in here. I have like one and a half closet for stuff in the garage. I have no more room… A lot still isn’t unpacked. I have already throw away loads of things.
My clothing closet in my room was filled with my mom’s and dad’s clothes for at least half. I talked to my mom about needing the space but she brushed me off.
So here I was standing in a room full of bags and stuff I can’t put away… I carefully took their clothes out of my closet and laid them on their bed. I even divided it in two heaps for each of them. I didn’t crumple their clothing, I didn’t hang it up immediately either. Result: mom screams when I tell them "are you crazy?"
EDIT: I do not pay rent. I do however help around the house and cook food regularly. I go to the store too (and pay).
Wow there is a lot of extraneous information here.
If you’re staying for free at your parents house, then you deal with the amount of space they give you and don’t move their stuff without discussing with them.
YTA
This is the answer. YTA
If your parents had treated you this way when you were a child (taking your space, dismissing your needs, and getting angry when you asserted them) would you have thought *they* were being reasonable?
What would it mean for your identity (not just your situation) if reclaiming a few feet of closet space made you feel like you were doing something wrong?
Is it possible that your definition of being a “good daughter” was taught by people who only recognized your goodness when it served their comfort?
YTA based on how you summed up the story. Having someone say “are you crazy” for moving their clothes seems odd and out of context so I feel like we are missing some info. You still moved their stuff even after you asked for the space and they didn’t give it to you (not saying yes should be taken as a no).
Regardless of the family history you provided, you’re a grownup now. Your parents don’t have to let you live with them, so they’re helping you out here. You could have chosen not to follow them to their new smaller place, and instead found your own or another option.
If you have too much stuff and you want to keep it, pay to store it somewhere. If you don’t like your living arrangements, figure something else out.
Again, you’re an adult. And YTA.
Ok…. So in that same concept. Your parents can move your stuff. The 3 rooms and 1.5 closet in the garage and lay them down neatly on your bed.
Unless you are renting and there is a contract outlining the terms, you are living at your parents place at their grace. (Even if you were renting, it is prob peanuts to what would mean you living by yourself)
Easy YTA.
YTA. At 31 yrs old and having moved out – you no longer have your own closet or room. You are moving back into their home and it’s your problem – not theirs- as to how much stuff you have. You can’t just take their things and throw them out of a space they pay for. The rest of the info is unnecessary. Be grateful for a place to move into to save money.
When the free accommodations are too comfortable, the freeloader has less incentive to leave. It’s not supposed to be comfy for you, it’s a stop-gap so you don’t end up homeless. Be grateful for the space you are afforded and don’t demand more. Don’t fuck with their stuff without asking. YTA.
YTA. This is your parents’ house and your parents’ space. You don’t pay rent. You don’t have the right to remove their stuff. Get a storage unit.
YTA Beggars can’t be choosers. It’s not your space. You are living in their space, rent free. You are unemployed, and have nowhere else to go. If you have to live out of a suitcase and put everything else in a storage unit to keep a roof over your head, that’s what you do.
What you don’t do is antagonize the people willing to take you in. That how to make yourself homeless.
YTA. The trade off for free housing is accepting the housing situation as it is. You get to start making demands the day you start paying rent.
YTA, it’s not your closet, it’s their closet. You dont pay rent, you don’t contribute to the household(cooking and helping around the house doesnt count) either hire a storage unit or quit complaining and be thankful your parents are allowing you to stay.
Free housing. YTA