So Im 14M, and I have had a pain in my hip and leg for a few months. So when I first got a delayed xray, due to complications in my family, the doctor got the results.
So this was in August, and this Dr when he got the results, called my mom directly and I quote what I heard literally months later "your son either has an infection or bone cancer."
So luckily it is neither of those, these doctors think its an osteoid osteoma which is benign.
However they still arent "sure" thats its an osteoid osteoma. They have to let me live with it for a few months on painkillers. When im off painkillers, I have to drag my leg and It like gives out sometimes.
I feel like telling me I might have bone cancer earlier could’ve prepared me for the worst. Now that I know I feel a bit worried.
I just wish my mother didn’t hide this info from me. She isn’t protecting me from doing this, she is just containing it for a later date.
I plan on talking to her really seriously about this, but she probably will get mad and say she was protecting me and that I am too young to here that information.
I get where you are coming from, I really do. But it’s hard to understand being a parent until you are one.
You are your mom’s baby. There is no way I would tell my child they have cancer if I wasn’t sure. And it doesnt like you do have cancer. So why did you want her to tell you you did?They wouldn’t be waiting to see and monitoring you if they thought it bone cancer. They would be aggressively treating it. Osteoid osteoma’s can resolve on their own and that’s would be much better than surgery. Unfortunately bone stuff hurts. Keep taking your meds, pain is easier to keep away than get rid of once you have it.
Give your mom some grace. Kids don’t come with a manual and it sounds like she was navigating an unfamiliar situation. You are both NAH.
Try talking to your mom calmly. Explain what you heard and that in the future, you would like to have all your health information. Don’t attack her like she maliciously kept you in the dark.
How about talking directly to your doctors about your health?
NTA! Let’s be in pain and drag this leg around for months! It’s better to know and work towards some resolution, instead of doing more damage to the mind and body.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I, 47 F, had cancer 2 years ago & I have a 14 yo dtr. If she had a condition we questioned cancer I would not tell her. She is smart enough to know that’s a possibility & it sounds like you are too. Telling you just results in increased worry. When I was in the process of being diagnosed, we (my husband & I) didn’t tell anyone until we had the start of a plan from the surgeon & oncologist. There’s no need to worry about what might be. The diagnosis process & treatment process is a long, tough road, you’ll have time to process it all. I would recommend counseling for you to help process your feelings if it is cancer – that is the best thing I did for my dtr during my process
I’d suggest calling your doctor’s office and asking them to make a note in your chart that your parent(s) aren’t telling you results of your visits and you want to have online access to their patient portal separately from your parents.
Calm and polite, just tell them, hey, I overheard this from my mom, she refuses to tell me anything about my doctors appointments, and I’d like to get info on how to access my chart and test results for myself since I’m not being informed.
I hope I’m wrong, but I don’t think a 14-year-old can legally take charge of their own healthcare.
In many states, they do have legally protected access to their health care information and the right to make some medical decisions without parent knowledge or consent. At 14, your doctor should at least be willing to talk with you about your health information. If you are outside the US, laws may obviously be very different.
NTA. But really, nah. You’re at the age when we (health care professionals), want to involve kids in their own care. It’s a tough decision though. Obviously your mom/parents will make the actual decisions about what treatment you get, but you should probably be involved in the discussions about it. It’s probably pretty hard for your mom to see that you need/should be involved.
Very soft YWBTA- I get why you feel the way you do. And that’s very valid. And a lot of people would say you have the right to know.
But give your mom grace on it. No one wants to give that kind of news to their child. No one wants to say those things aloud or believe them to be true. She was faced with a really tough, terrifying situation and handled it the best she could. Maybe she was wrong, maybe she wasn’t- it doesn’t really matter.
What matters is whether she can be a support system for you going forward. Is she a good mom? Does she care about you? Then let it go and focus on getting through this really rough situation.
NAH 1st and foremost I’m sorry you are going through the pain you are going through, that just sucks and its unfucking fair.
Now to your mom, I get, understand, and hear what you are saying. You feel you not only had the right to know what was going on in your body but telling you could have you said prepared you for the worst and the possible fight ahead. BUT I also get your mom’s perspective, why worry your child if it isn’t necessary, its exactly why children don’t need all the down and dirty details that is adult life, you are at an age where you are supposed to be worrying about school, sports, your crush, your grades, and all the things that prepare you to deal with the down and dirty details of adult life. Its a gradual process you learn as a teenager.
Medical issues, especially things like cancer can and absolutely do dramatically change that timeline and rob a child of that phase. Your mom doesn’t want you to have to experience that, because it is NOT normal, it is NOT a part of growing up, and it sure as hell is her job to try and stave off as much as that as she can.
Only you and your parent can decide what you are ready to learn. Sitting down for a serious talk is an excellent and fantastic idea, but I would gently suggest not going at it from an angry or upset perspective. You might start out by telling her you really appreciate her wanting to protect you, and wanting to shield you from possibly terrifying news, but that you feel you need to hear all the news about your own body, that though you may have hard days through it. And you may occasionally lose your shit or have a meltdown because of the pain or the fear, or just the uncertainty, you would rather knkw than be left in the dark and feel like you have zero control, knowledge or insight to your body.
I know its hard to comfort her when in fact you need the comfort right now but like I said medical issues often fuck up mother nature’s timeline and I’m sorry to say, while it may not be cancer, it may be nothing, it may be something part of that adulthood thing that was forced on you way to early is realizing we often comfort the ones we want comfort from just so they know we are okay so long as they are okay. We can fight but we can fight even harder if they fighting by your side instead of on front or behind you.
Good luck, young man, I hope it all goes well for you both medically and with your mom.
NTA. I think transparency is critical, especially about medical things. The most important piece here is that she is advocating for your health and treatment, not procrastinating it. I would encourage you to talk with her about wanting to take steps to determine what it is and how to proactively navigate treatment, that isn’t solely pain management. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
No, YWNBTA
If you’re old enough to have it, you’re old enough to be told about it (in an age-appropriate way)
Be firm but kind with her- “I know you feel like you were protecting me but I don’t feel protected. I feel like you let this hit me out of nowhere AND I feel betrayed because you’ve been lying (by omission) to me for months. It didn’t protect me from anything and just hurt the trust I have in you.”