I (34 F) received a 3 month gift subscription from my MIL (70 F) in July. At the time of the gift, I thanked her for the subscription as I truly appreciated it. When I next saw her, I also thanked her and talked about how much I was enjoying the subscription at that time.
Today, my (39 M) partner told me his mother was upset that I didn’t thank her for the subscription. I was confused because not only did I thank her, but I talked about it with her after I had received it. I did receive 2 other packages I didn’t explicitly say anything about to her, but I hadn’t seen her much at that time. My partner and I also went on a small day trip that she had booked us where we thanked her no less than 6 times in the call after.
I have known her for 10 years now and I feel as though my gratitude should have been known from the original gift giving moment, but is it expected to thank someone each time a subscription package is delivered? Or is she expecting a lot more for a $50 subscription she purchased?
EDIT: I appreciate all the comments concerned about dementia. I can assure you, she does not have early dementia. She doesn’t forget other things and she has been tested (because she wanted to get tested) within the calendar year. It’s mainly when she feels that myself or one of her children aren’t grateful enough.
I’ve also cared for family members in beginning and late stage dementia and she’s showing no signs other than not remembering if I thanked her or not thanked her enough. There have been times where she has told me “one thanks is not enough” when I feel it is.
NTA
Going forward it might be best to do a written thank you note. Write one thank you note for the entire gift (mention all the gifts if more than one). No need to write additional notes each time the monthly gift comes. Although you could mention how much you enjoyed it when you speak to her.
You’re not the AH. However, she may be operating from the thought process that she hasn’t been thanked unless it’s in writing. OR she could be developing dementia,
I will consider a written thank you note. I just find it weird if we live 20 minutes away to write a thank you note when we see her pretty frequently.
For context, she has never brought up presents or thank yous, but it has been mentioned to my partner multiple times that I don’t ever say thank you, even when I do. I don’t think it’s dementia but maybe a generational difference?
NTA, this unfortunately on the outside seems like a classic mil, complaining to their child to make their spouse look bad.
Talk to your spouse and tell him that you are concerned about his mother’s memory because you specifically thanked her twice already. It could be early signs of dementia.
That’s what I’m thinking. I’m in my 70s, live alone now, so keep an eye on myself.
I doubt it’s dementia based on the rest of her personality. Plus she has been tested for dementia recently and showed no signs. This feels more like selective memory. Things like this have also been happening for years. Ive also been blamed for her and her son getting in a fight on a vacation we took because we wanted an evening alone.
NTA. MIL wants you to owe her for life. She’s having onset of dementia or she wants to cause trouble
Nta , I would just have some grace this time around , she’s old lol… Maybe send her a thank you card so she can see it and remember you are thankful.
I saw another comment about a thank you card and I will consider it.
I do wish I could have grace, but this is a recurring issue where she says I’m not saying thank you enough. I would understand if I saw her infrequently, but typically we see her 2x per month, sometimes more. We don’t live far away which is why I’ve never written a thank you card.
No, you’re fine. she’s being unreasonable and immature.
She might be forgetting, which is concerning. Is she forgetting other things?
NTA. You did thank her, twice, and from your additional comment, it seems she wants to make you look less than perfect to your husband. A thank you card might be a good idea, so she can remember your gratitude, if it is an age related issue, but that doesn’t sound like it is the case.
Written thank you note 👍🏼