Hi all, im looking for outside perspective because this situation is just caution me anxiety and stress
I live in an apartment of with a joint lease with multiple rooms. One roomie has a cat. On more than one occasion, she’s left town for several days without arranging for anyone to clean the litter box. During those times, the apartment smells like literal shit. It has gotten to the point where the cat has tracked poop on the floors, and the odor spreads into common areas even when her bedroom door is closed. I do my best to open windows,etc. I’ve felt nauseeous from the smell and have slept at my brothers place near me cuz I couldn’t deal with it. Even when she’s not traveling she is not good with the litter maintenance and it will start to smell, it’s just worse when she travels.
When I expressed concern about the poop being tracked on the floors, her response was “that’s what chores are for.” She also said that if she were gone 7 days instead of 6, she would then arrange for someone to take care of the litter. When I asked what the difference was between 6 and 7 days, she didn’t have an answer and just started stuttering bullshit. Basically just made me feel like my concern was not that serious.
The cat ended up pooping on her bed TWICE after this first trip. I was in the kitchen doing homework (which is across her room) and she had a whole meltdown in there, calling the poor cat stupid and yelling at him. She stormed into the living room to put her stuff in the laundry as well. She spent hours cleaning her room. But when it affects the rest of us, she minimizes it or treats it as a chore issue.
Recently she left again, and surprisingly, the smell returned! I’ve lost my respect for her- the cat deserves better. We’re having a group convo in a few days. Reporting to the landlord as my friend’s bf is an attorney and suggested I do so.
Sidenote: my dad is my co-signer (im a full-time grad student) and refuses to let me move out. He wants me to keep talking to them cuz “life is hard” and I “need to learn to deal with difficult people.” Context: He’s an African immigrant parent and they love to play struggle olympics.
-Am I being unreasonable about the litter situation?
– If anyone else has been in a similar situation, please give tips about dealing with the landlord
-How would you handle this if you were on a joint lease?
-one of the roomates is her bestie so I feel like that already creates an complicated dynamic
TLDR: My roomate left her cat alone for 6 days without arranging litter care. Apartment reeked of poop, cat tracked waste everywhere, she yelled a the cat and never apologized about the situation as she sees no wrong. She says she “only needs someone if gone 7 days or more-went on another 4 day trip and it stunk again. When I said I can’t live like this, she deflected and blamed me for closing doors. She wants a sit down chat. Lease ends in August, and my friends bf who’s an attorney said to contact landlord
NTA. I’d go buy a larger Rubbermaid container for her, and she can use that for a litter box. The walls are much higher so less gets out. You shouldn’t need to scoop more than once a week.
NTA.
I’m mortified by the conditions your roommate’s cat is living in. They are likely stressed out and cats are notoriously bad at showing discomfort/pain. Please make sure to check for the health of this poor cat alongside your own’s!
NTA this has to be addressed and shes not taking you seriously. “I only need someone if I’m gone 7 days” no, the litter box was disgusting and tracked into the common area, and you had to smell your cats shit while in the living room/kitchen wherever. This is not a debate it is a health concern and she’s brushing it off because it’s not directly impacting her. If she wants to live with other people she has to understand what that entails and majority of that is respect for common areas and your roommates. Let her know if she refuses you’ll be contacting the landlord
NtA – also – does the cat have food and clean water if shes leaving it for a week at a time??)
I ran out of space for the post. So the first time she left, I and her friend were in charge of feeding him, which I’m totally fine with. She decided to ask her friends that don’t live with us to come to our apartment just to feed him, not change the litter. He has an automatic water thingy and a an automatic snack feeder. Maybe she felt awkward asking me idk.
NTA. Even if she’s not neglecting her cat, she’s crossing boundaries that you have attempted to set. Usually cleaning it once a week or before she leaves is enough to not have these gross issues. So, I’m gonna take a wild guess that she’s not actually cleaning it once a week. You could point out to her that her neglectful behavior towards her cat is now creating a safety hazard for you. I’d be absolutely infuriated if I were in your place. If she’s going to leave you to clean up after her cat, she should be paying you to do so. You may have to channel your inner “asshole” with this one. Sounds like playing nice isn’t going to work with her. Definitely report the behavior to your landlord so YOU don’t lose your security deposit because of her bs. Hang in there, friend
I’d also point out to her that she thinks it’s valid for her to get pissed off when her cat makes a mess, but when it’s you, it’s totally fine. Don’t let her walk all over you
And point out to her that it’s now become embarrassing for you to have company over
She should invest in a self cleaning litter box. Who’s feeding this poor kitty when she’s gone?
Self cleaning boxes really don’t help the smell situation. All the poop is still there, it’s just gathered in a compartment that isn’t air tight. I live with roommates who have two cats and automatic litter boxes.
I was always under the impression that solid waste should be scooped daily. It was what I did when I had cats.
Clean the litter box and leave the bag on her bed
NTA – you may have to explain to this roomate that even though it’s normal for her, societal standards consider this abuse and it needs to change dramatically, now. List the solutions available to them – eg. reporting the abuse to authorities, your landlord, adopting the cat yourself, getting an auto litter tray (who is feeding and giving water to this cat?) and let her pick. I live in a small apartment so I pretty much know when my cat has been and i scoop immediately – there’s therefore a maximum of 2 scoops necessary if I’m at work. That’s the maximum. It shouldn’t be more than that in a small space with one litter tray. That is the expectation your roomate needs to set for themselves, they have no choice, they chose to be responsable for this animal. You wouldn’t leave pee in the toilet without flushing, it’s the same principal. None of this is the cats fault so in the meantime, even though it’s not at all your responsibility, it would be great if you could scoop for the little guy. Thank you and good luck!
NTA that poor kitty. I feel too guilty not to scoop less than daily. This is how you create a kitty that will develop poor litter box issues plus possible health issues. I can practically see this cat being abandoned.