I (27 W) live with my landlord, Ashley (31 W), and an old friend Tiffany (25 W). We got a new roommate, Carol (23 W) through, Richard (30 M), a friend of Ashley’s who’s been dating Carol.
I ended up hanging out with Carol and Richard a lot. During hangouts, Richard would neg Carol and she seemed to be bothered so I thought I would be a hero (I see now I should’ve minded my business) by trying to redirect to compliments.
Later that night I overheard Richard saying I’m a bad influence, he doesn’t want her around me etc etc. I realized then I’d overstepped so the following day I sent a text suggesting that when he comes over she can let me know and I’ll stay out of their way.
A few weeks later I woke up to a text from Carol to me and Tiffany, asking if we had needed something from her room? Turns out, she found Tiffany’s phone in her room and assumed we were in there while she was gone? Still don’t know why I was addressed in the text or why the phone was there so I just responded by asking if her and Tiffany had sorted it out and she said yes. She apologized to Tiffany and later asked if our plans for me to make her a website were still underway. I guess I felt weird about the entire thing because I ended up cancelling. I didn’t give a reason why but she said she understood.
For the next few days, Carol started slamming doors and asking for new rules in the house like a laundry schedule and a new placement for the trash. I started thinking back to the conversation I’d overheard, the random accusation and was worried she was upset because of me so I sent a text asking and turns out, yes she felt slighted. She also brought up feeling excluded in the house by me and Tiffany too, so to repair things I apologized for the assumptions I made and said I’d make the website and that she was always welcome to come hangout when Tiffany and I are together. She said she didn’t want things to feel forced, apologized for how the accusation made me feel and said she needed to protect her small business from me and be wise about people she makes friends with. I was a bit confused, so I just apologized again and said if she wants to talk more in depth later I’m open to it.
After things calmed down I processed everything at once: the passive aggressiveness, the conversation I overheard and the accusation and became pissed. It’s been weeks, she hasn’t said anything to me in person yet but randomly started doing random favors for me that she normally doesn’t do? Like grabbing the mail for me and putting it in front of my door etc. I told her it wasn’t necessary and that I was just really hurt. She ended up telling the landlord her side of the story, and now the landlord has started being passive aggressive with me as well.
Tiffany’s been encouraging me the entire time to be honest but it kind of feels like I’m just dropping bombs on this situation. Should I have just never brought it up?
Disclaimer: my roommates are Christians and embrace a culture where direct confrontations are considered extreme. I’m currently recovering after leaving the church
What s this highschool BS?
Listen, it’s time to cut the drama. You confronted her, that was fair game after being falsely accused. Don’t second-guess yourself now. If she can’t handle a mature conversation about feelings and boundaries, that’s on her, not you. Passive aggression is childish; address it directly or you’ll keep going in circles. Communication is crucial, so either sort it out like adults or let the toxicity fester—you choose your peace over their nonsense. Stand your ground and don’t let anyone control how you feel about this situation.