This happened when I was at school and I never really knew if I was in the wrong or not so I wanted to get a sense of how others feel.
I got picked for my school cricket team in the first year of high school and was one of the top bowlers (pitchers) and played for a club outside of school. I was awful at batting and fielding, but I made up for it with my bowling.
Come the first game of the season, it’s almost over and I’m still yet to bowl. The captain is just picking his friends – regardless of their talent – and we’re losing. I already asked the captain to put me in many times but was ignored. So as we’re entering my last real point to do anything I confront him and say that he’s just putting on his friends and we have numerous people other than me on the team who we know are more capable and he should be more fair – I forget the exact words, but I was angry and putting him on the spot in front of the team. The headmaster of the school – who just so happens to be one of the umpires for the game – overhears my comments and absolutely chews me out in front of everyone. He shouts me over with a "You’re out of line. If you have a problem, you bring it up with me" and subs me off. I did not get a chance to bowl and am subsequently blacklisted from the team for the rest of my 7 years at the school.
I don’t have a problem with confronting people in positions of authority, but I’m pretty sure it was not the place for me to directly complain to the headmaster of the school that the captain is picking favourites during a game? Are you not allowed to question the captain? I had been team captain for sports at my previous school, and whilst anyone could say whatever they wanted it was understood that the final choice maker was the captain but you’re free to present your case if you have one. Perhaps I could have been more tactical with my criticism, but was I really expected to just shut up and lose the game whilst doing absolutely nothing?
Excited to put this one to bed 🙂
You weren’t totally in the wrong for being frustrated, being ignored while the game’s on would annoy anyone. But the issue was more how and when you confronted the captain. Calling him out in front of the team, during the match, put everyone on the spot and gave the headmaster a reason to step in.
A more tactical approach, waiting until after the game, calmly presenting your case to the captain or coach, probably would’ve been more effective and avoided the fallout. It’s less about not questioning authority and more about timing and context. Definitely understandable why you felt compelled to speak up, just maybe the heat of the moment confrontation backfired.
I think you were mistaken to address this at the time in the field. While the Captain was making a mistake in his choices, it was his choice to make. And he was put in that position by the headmaster (I’m guessing?) so you were basically saying that the headmaster was wrong for making him the captain.
Your anger got the best of you, ejecting from the game was appropriate.
So in the case of were you the asshole for doing this at the time and place you chose to do so, I’d say that yes you are the asshole.
I’m sorry for the result being negative for you, the ban was too far, so yes they’re asshole’s after the fact.
Well, let’s say I can’t control my desire to win and have to speak up. Do I take the headmaster’s words at face-value and skip the captain and take my complaint straight to the top?
The headmaster wasn’t the coach of the team, but obviously has a say in things. But this is why his invitation to take up any complaints directly to him was especially confusing because he wasn’t really in a position relevant to making those kind of decisions as umpire.
I feel like he was just on a power trip and though I overstepped, the reaction was not proportional to the situation at a crucial point in the game.
>let’s say I can’t control my desire to win and have to speak up.
I think it’s a good opportunity for you to learn that in fact you do have control over your desires and impulses. The sooner you realize that and develop the habit of letting the calm voice that knows better in your mind intercede, and have you pause before you get carried away on impulse, the better (for your own sake).
It does sound like the captain was abusing his position, and it sounds like the headmaster got carried away in reaction to your angry words and didn’t make a fair, rational judgment either — but your rash words didn’t help anything. In fact your anger sparked and was then met by the headmaster’s anger. Now, he should have known better as an adult and the person in charge, but you can’t control him, only yourself.
I do think you were met with two incidents of unfairness, but you made it easy for you to be made out to be the bad guy and get punished. You have to box clever in situations like this, especially when those in power aren’t being fair.
ESH
Extremely fair comment. I used to be sensitive to injustice and unfairness and there was no controlling that back then once it got set off – along with the fear/pain of defeat that I wanted to avoid at all costs.
Unfortunately, it took a lot longer to learn the lesson on offer here, but I can clearly see now how tact would have been invaluable.
NTA, but you should have picked your moment better.
“For the rest of my 7 years at the school” — how old were you in this story? Are you really asking for a judgment on your behavior as a child, 7 years after the fact?
NTA. If you’re a bowler and he had no intention of playing you, you shouldn’t have been on the team. Sounds like a bad captain. I would have done the same thing you did. I can only assume your school was somewhere on the subcontinent based on the outcome