I contacted my GFs friend who lives in the same building as her while I couldn’t reach her. Her messages went undelivered, calls were going straight to voicemail and phone was switched off. So I texted this friend of her who lives in the same building asking if he could do a quick check and if she’s alright.
She after knowing is now angry at me for contacting the friends as it’s creating gossip and said I’m harassing her. I don’t know if I did anything wrong, I did apologise for this, I was worried.
Anyway to fix this?
Edit:
She was out of contact for a whole day
Info: how long was she out of contact?
Nta
INFO: How long was your girlfriend out of contact with you? Was that amount of timeunusual for her? Did you have some particular reason to worry that she wasn’t okay?
So why was she out of contact all day? That is the more important question. Her turning this back on you is dodgy as hell you better investigate this further.
It really depends on a number of factors.
1) Does she normally respond fairly quickly to calls/emails or does she normally take a few hours?
2) Has she complained in the past that your expectations for returning texts/calls are unreasonable?
3) Did she have something going on that day or the next, like a big exam, an essay to turn in, or a report due at work?
4) When you say she was out of contact for a whole day, do you mean 24 hours or you called several times starting at 7am and had the friend go check at 3pm?
5) Is she in a high crime area or a really safe area where jaywalking is the number one crime?
Basically, if she’s someone who’s normally quick to respond and this was very uncharacteristic of her, then having someone check on her after 12+ hours isn’t wrong. If she’s been complaining that she feels like you’re monitoring her, or if she had a reason to turn her phone off because she needed to concentrate, then having someone go check on her could be an AH move. Also, the way you explained it to the friend would make a difference. “Hey, she probably just forgot to recharge her phone, but would you mind making sure she’s okay?” is very different from, “It’s really suspicious I can’t get ahold of her. Would you mind seeing what she’s up to?”
And, no, just because her phone was off it doesn’t mean she was off screwing some other guy somewhere like some posts are suggesting. She might have forgotten to charge her phone. She might have been having a bad day and decided to hole up and just not talk to the world.
As for how to fix it, talk with her. If you’re both reasonable people, this should be something you can work out. You might need to talk with the friend group and clear up any misunderstandings. If this was some dumb TikTok challenge you “failed” … well, the fact that she uses those is a red flag.
Edited to ESH, changed my mind. She should tell you she doesn’t want to talk rather than ghosting, and you shouldn’t be searching for votes from other people on whether or not your deluge of communication constitutes harassment. If a person tells you your behavior feels like harassment, believe them.
NTA. I think that’s a fair amount of time to be worried about your SO. I was confused at first because I thought you were talking about not being in contact with your GF’s friend, which I thought was weird.
YTA she turned her phone off or had an issue with service for one day. And by one day I doubt it was a full 24 hours, I’m guessing more like 6-8 hours. Unless she was walking home last night and she said she’d text when she got home and didn’t, you’re being clingy. Even sending so many texts/phone calls in one day is over the top. The fact you’ve said in comments that she’s been a little distant/upset and then she said you were harassing her makes me think she was trying to take some space from you. I’d say start respecting her space or she’ll break up with you soon.
NTA. It’s clear you were genuinely worried about your girlfriend’s safety, and reaching out to someone nearby was a reasonable way to check on her. It’s not harassment or control if your intention was concern – going a whole day without contact is enough to be worried. Lol, would she rather you not be concerned at all? That would probably open another can of worms about not caring enough. That said, for whatever reason she felt her boundaries were crossed after going MIA, but I think that’s on her, not you. You’re definitely not the asshole here.
ESH your girlfriend is capable of reaching out and saying she does not want to be bothered. Ghosting is childish and the opposite of clear communication. That being said, if she feels it’s harassment, it’s harassment, even if she potentially created herself by straight up, ignoring your messages and calls
Was leaning towards just her being the AH for ghosting. Did she give a reason as to why she was ignoring you. Messages being undeliverable is strange and she should have answers