I’ve been friends with someone since 2018, and, at some point in the last three years (can’t remember the exact year), he introduced me to his larger friendgroup. Things were pretty sweet! One of his buddies has a girlfriend. She writes. Nothing stellar, nor professional, but I had some issues with it. So, I told her these issues in a admittedly rude message. However, this was a big mistake! She did the understandable reaction of telling me to shut up, but also decided to say "You’re just like him" (him referring to a groomer who used to be in our friendgroup who we have since cut out). After taking a month long break from the friendgroup, only speaking to my original buddy and the writers boyfriend, who both didn’t want to talk about the small bit of drama, being mixed on what side to take, I came back, made another joke about her writing, expecting her to be calm about it now after having a month to think over it. She wasn’t, friendgroup is mad at me.
Sounds like you already know you’re an asshole, and that you might be comfortable with it. What exactly do you want from us?
YTA why did you feel the need to criticize her writing either time? You need to reflect on why you think you were intentionally rude to someone multiple times for no reason
You know, when people tell you they don’t want to hear your opinions, you really ought to give it a rest.
And after a month of isolation, you still don’t get it. Ironically you expect her to learn to keep calm when you haven’t learnt to keep quiet.
YTA. You must know it. I mean, you were rude for no reason, and when given a second chance, you doubled down. Friendgroup has every reason to think you a tool.
YTA
The original critique should have been polite, or else not given at all. That doesn’t mean it had to be 100% positive, but it should have been balanced and gentle and stopped the if it was clear she didn’t want to hear anything negative.
Critiquing her writing in a rude manner, however, and then joking about it later? How could you think that’s a good thing to do? If you wanted to bring up the previous incident at all, it should have been as an apology.
YTA, unless someone specifically asks for you to critique their writing, you’re an asshole for saying negative things.
YTA…. WTF is wrong with you boy?
YTA. I’d say that your so-called joke was anything but that.
Writers are supposed to be conscious of their audience. You seem to have failed that simple caveat.
You don’t say that she *asked* you to critique her writing, so I’m assuming she didn’t. That was your first mistake. The second was to do it in a manner that you admit was rude. The third was not apologizing. The fourth was to be so unrelentingly clueless that you went back and joked about her writing again. Judging from your post, you’ve got no standing to criticize anyone’s writing. So, yes indeed, you’re the AH.
You had issues with her writing and then, unprompted, decided to criticise it to her?
Then the next time you spoke, after a month of not talking, you joked about her writing?
So no apology or anything, just straight to doubling down and cementing your assholeness?
Yes, YTA.
YTA.
Why would you think otherwise?