ok so I’m 15F and my mom is in the hospital cuz of her bipolar relapse so it’s just me and my dad at home
my dad has this friend let’s call her Ruby she’s my dad’s assistant at work and she’s been around a lot especially since my mom has been away at first I didn’t really care about her and I treated her normally
but over time I started noticing stuff that makes me really uncomfortable
she comes with us on outings and she was even there during Christmas like she’s always around now it doesn’t feel like she’s just a friend
whenever Ruby feels awkward or worried my dad ALWAYS takes her side and reassures her but when I say I feel uncomfortable or ask him to not bring her he always tells me I’m being rude,mean or immature
she also tries to get close to me a lot like during outings if my dad leaves us alone she’ll be like “I’m here for you you can talk to me if you have problems” and she acts super nice but honestly it feels fake cuz she overdoes it a lot and it makes me feel weird
recently I overheard my dad telling her he’s on her side and that she shouldn’t worry cuz he thinks she’s scared I don’t like her but he never asked me why I feel that way or tried to talk to me about it
what really made me upset tho is that Ruby told my dad not to forgive my mom or let her come back cuz of her bipolar relapse like?? mental illness is not something someone can just control and it honestly shows a lack of common sense and I kinda lost respect for her
also there’s an 18 year age gap between my dad and Ruby which makes everything feel even weirder
during this time while my mom is in the hospital my dad often leaves for entire weekends from Saturday till Sunday afternoon and he always says he’s going to his friends but I honestly suspect he’s going to her place or something to do with her
because of all this I’ve started keeping my distance from Ruby and also from my dad like I stay in my room when he comes from work and avoid any kind of conversation with him
my dad recently confronted me asking why I’ve been distant from him (before he introduced Ruby to me we were really close) and I told him the reasons why but he just dismissed me saying I’m being dramatic and overthinking the entire situation and that Ruby hasn’t done anything wrong but from my side it feels so weird and hurtful especially while my mom is away
Do you have another trustworthy adult you can reach out to?
No not really I’m not too close to any of my relatives and I can’t really talk to my teachers
Guidance Counselor?
He’s cheating on your mother. If you get a chance alone with your mom when she’s in a good place with her health tell her. Start documenting him choosing Ruby over being there for your mom and you. Find ways to sneak recordings of Ruby’s involvement and encouragement of telling him to continue his affair with her. NTA
The fact that your dad blows off your concerns is a HUGE sign……
Can he not even acknowledge WHY you have those concerns….
This “Ruby” is doing activities that fall in the “wife/gf” role,which belongs to your mum. That is what is aggravating you.
Lots of ppl change when their spouse has serious health issues though… it is sad.
Please go talk to a school counselor or very trusted adult friend. You need help with this. More than we can give you here. You should not have to be dealing with this at 15. Please follow through, as soon as possible. Please let us know how you’re doing.
Hospitals have social workers. If you can visit the hospital your mom is at, request to speak with a social worker. This situation is too much for you to navigate alone and it involves your mom’s ongoing care too, once she’s discharged. I’m sorry you have been put in this mess by your father. Sending the kindest wishes!
Okay I will
NTA, you are a minor, so you can ask cps for protection and help. Your dad is cheating for sure.
NTA, they aren’t fooling anyone
Does your mum have family you can trust?
NTA – I think your feeling and suspicions are valid. There certainly sounds like something more than just friendship is going on, and you’re absolutely correct about mental illness being just that. An illness that is no one’s fault and very difficult to control.
Your father is a piece of poop basically bringing in what seems to be his affair partner into your home and life while your mother is getting treatment. NTA
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds incredibly difficult. With your mom in the hospital, you’re either left alone for days while your dad cavorts with a much younger woman, or is home with her while she tries to cosy up to you.
Do you have a grandma, or an aunt, or a teacher, guidance counselor, youth minister — any adult you trust and can talk with openly? I think it could help if there were an adult you could talk to. If there are adult relatives you like and you could stay with , that might make your life easier too.
I also think you’d be well advised to tell your dad that you’d like to talk with a therapist. Not because I think there’s one single thing wrong with you or what you’ve been feeling, but because this would be a person who would be on your side and fully understand what you’ve been going through, and with whom you could process everything you’ve been experiencing through no fault of your own.
NTA. And you’re not dramatic or over-reacting or overthinking. Not for one second.