I (18F) recently went on a trip with my mom (50F). We drove her car down to an AirBNB where we stayed for a couple of weeks.
I have been on birth control since I was about 15 for irregular, painful, and heavy periods. Save for a few times that I’ve forgotten to take the pill, I haven’t had my period in years.
For some reason, my birth control just… decided to stop working while we were on this trip. I was taking it consistently and on time, but I ended up getting my period anyway.
Because I haven’t had my period in years, I was unprepared both physically and materially. I had no pain relievers and most importantly, no pads or tampons.
We weren’t in walking distance of any stores, and frankly I wasn’t comfortable walking alone in an unfamiliar neighborhood regardless.
I asked my mom if she could drive me to go get pads, and she said we would later. By the next day, I had bled through multiple pairs of underwear. I asked her again, and she said she would go when she had time.
I asked if I could just drive myself, and she told me no. I understand her reasoning: I’m a young driver, her car isn’t one I’m super familiar with, and we’re in a new area. I get it. But it essentially meant I just had to wait for her to get me what I needed.
I reminded her a few times over the next few days. Even after washing my underwear, it was stained and gross and essentially unwearable. Toilet paper didn’t do much to help as a makeshift pad.
Eventually, I decided I just needed to do it myself. While she was out, I took her car to the nearest convenience store (maybe a ten minute drive?) and got what I needed. Before I left, I sent her a text saying I was going to grab the pads and that she didn’t need to worry about it.
When I got back, she was waiting for me and pissed. She told me that she said I wasn’t allowed to use her car. I told her that I had no other way to get to the store. She said that she would have gone and gotten what I needed, but I reminded her that I had been asking for days.
I feel like I didn’t have much else choice. Am I the asshole?
NTA
Needing period products is not a “We’ll go when I have time” Situation. It’s an immediate need.
I got my first period on a Sunday, in Britain, where everything was shut from Saturday afternoon to Monday morning. My mum spotted blood on my underwear (from Saturday night), told my dad, and he went out *straight away* to find somewhere, anywhere, that was open and selling pads.
I was so embarrassed, that everyone in the house knew about this horror, but my dad did what had to be done.
I feel all the feels for OP, stuck in her horrible situation, with a mother who is absolutely an AH.
I’m a dad and I would have put my lunch in the fridge to get the pads if someone was menstruating and out of product. (I actually keep two tampons in my cross-body.)
And since I was at the store anyway, I picked up some chocolate and ibuprofen.
Moms going to be sooo shocked when she stops bothering with maintaining that relationship. How selfish and inconsiderate to leave her daughter stuck at home bleeding through underwear and without pain medication.
NTA. You had to take care of an immediate need and your mom wasn’t helping. Shame on her.
>I asked my mom if she could drive me to go get pads, and she said we would later.
Based on you later in the post confirming a shop was a ten minute drive away, your mum was the asshole from this point.
The only possible get out for your mum is you not impressing on her strongly enough the urgency of the situation. It’s not something I personally will ever have to deal with but my feeling is that at “By the next day” I would’ve been saying no we need to go to the shop right fucking now. I’m not suggesting you are at fault at all – merely trying to detemine how much of an asshole your mum is.
INFO: your mum seems to have generally given the excuse of we’ll do it when we have time – as this was a trip (i.e. not a normal day with work etc), what exactly was your mum doing all day for several days when ignoring your need?
NTA. It’s weird and not OK for your mom to ignore you for days on this.
NTA
Listen.. you essentially stole her car and that is illegal but my god, whyyyy would your own mother wait DAYS while you’re actively bleeding to go get menstrual products for you???? I’d be LIVID if my mom did that to me- not that she ever would- but still.
Seriously wtf is wrong with this mother? How busy could you possibly be to not drive someone 20 minutes round trip while on *vacation* ?!
As a woman, if a mere acquaintance asked for a ride to get hygiene products, I’d take them ASAP. I can’t imagine making someone you love wait days.
I hope this is a made up story.
screw that, i’d tell them to sit in the bathroom and i’d run and get them myself the second they said they needed it. i always have tampons with me and my coworkers and customers get them when needed. coworkers are allowed to just go grab them (i are in the back office so customers can’t go in there)
NTA is she always this neglectful???
“When she had time”? What were you both doing at this Airbnb for days where you never left the house? Did your mom drive past locations that sell menstrual products and just not stop knowing that you were free bleeding in your clothing? NTA
What the actual fuck is wrong with your mother?
Just grab some item of her clothing, and use it for a pad if this ever happens again. Like her good white silk shirt.
NTA.