So I (22F) and my boyfriend (41M) have been together for 7 months. I was living with my mom, sister, and niece back at my grandmother’s house, I met my boyfriend at my old job when I was a cashier some time last year but we started talking around April of this year at my new job after I quit. We have a lot in common when it comes to shows, food, interest etc. My mom and sister were pretty difficult to deal with growing up especially since they have the same personality so they always bump heads at each other about a lot of things. I would try my best to break things up with them if things escalated but I’m not really the confrontational type so I just let it be since the arguments were pretty small. I remember one day I was crying to my boyfriend because I was stressed about bills and other stuff because I found out my sister was pregnant again and it was terrible timing because we didn’t have a car or that much money and I was remembered how bad it was the first time my sister was pregnant with my niece (it was hell to say the least). I was venting to him about wanting to get out of that house forever, and he asked me “where do you wanna go?” and I said “anywhere but here”. Next thing you know I’m living here with my boyfriend, his mom and his two younger brothers and I never been more happy. When I told my mom and sister I quit my job and I’m not coming back they were very upset saying things like “did he put you up to this?”, “come back we can talk about this”, and when I gave vague responses my mom said and I quote “we are going to call the cops on you for running away/ your aunt is going to come get you I bring you back,” but the thing is that my family thinks he manipulated me and gaslight me into moving in with him but it was my idea the whole time, he’s just taking the blame for it (somebody gotta wear it lol) So AITA for leaving my family to live with my boyfriend?
NTA (your family is the AH for threatening the call the police on you for leaving home as an adult), but honestly given the age gap with your boyfriend you most likely moved from one bad situation into another bad situation. Best of luck.
INFO:
How far from home to where you live now are you?
Why is he living with his mom and brothers?
You’re not the asshole for leaving a bad living situation but it’s also a pretty terrible idea to move in with someone you haven’t even been dating for a year’s place that is twice your age. I think you should learn how to be an independent person and try living on your own or even with roommates your own age for a while, but that’s just my two cents. Good luck and please make sure you get a job and have money of your own so you’re not totally relying on this man.
Have you ever heard the phrase “Hopping out of the frying pan into the fire”. That pretty much covers your situation.
NTA. However, given the age difference (and why at his age does he live with his mother), you need to have a way to support yourself when this inevitably goes south. Get a job or job skills.
You are 22 years old. You can live wherever you wish. Living in a house with drama and stress is difficult and wears on your health and well being. If this is what you wish to do, then do it. If it ends up not working out, you’re free to move out and on with your life. Don’t live it according to someone else’s wishes. That includes your family and your boyfriend. Make the decision based on what’s best for you. Being independent is freeing and makes you stronger.
NTA but I think you should peruse other posts on this forum with large age gaps before you move in with someone old enough to be your dad
NTA for moving out, but I’m worried about you moving in with your boyfriend who’s twice your age. The answer to your bf that you wanted to leave your housing to go “anywhere but here” and “next thing you know” you’re living with his family don’t make it seem like you considered this carefully.
NTA. But 7 months seems a bit soon to move in together. I’m glad it’s going well for now, but I would not expect that to last. Knowing that you moved away from a bad situation gives your bf a lot of leverage to control you with, espe.cially being that you moved into his family’s home, not your own place together. Also, consider why he’s living with a parent at age 41.
I don’t think living at home or an age gap are necessarily bad things. But they are often signs of something not being right, so you really need to watch out.
NTA. As someone who started seeing my husband when I was 20 and he was 41 (and moved in together about 6 months in when I was also leaving a toxic living situation, just roommates instead of family) we have now been together happily for 18 years (married 13). Now, I understand we are the exception, and not the rule. But follow your heart AND your head (don’t ignore any big red flags), and if you are happy don’t let what other people say get to you. You will receive a LOT of criticism and judgment and assumptions and you have to learn to let it roll off your back.
Now, if there are red flags? Be smart. Don’t be afraid to be on your own if things aren’t right. Communication is key with maintaining any relationship, but especially one in which the two parties have different generational upbringings.
NTA. There’s nothing I can say or do to change your mind but you will see with time and age that someone who is 41 is single and can only date younger for a reason. Please trust your discernment.
The age difference makes me nervous. Moving away and being dependant on him could become isolating. Where ever you go make sure you have back up money of your own and an escape plan- just in case. NTA but look out for you.
> So I (22F) and my boyfriend (41M) have been together for 7 months.
This is going to end really badly for you.
I know too many women who have used a relationship with a much older man to get away from a difficult home situation. This story never has a happy ending.
Best of luck to you.